Hello. I am a third time mother who experienced postpartum psychosis about 4 months ago. I am feeling absolutely horrible during this recover period . It is a horrible feeling and I don’t know if it is really depression because it feels more intense than that. I also don’t know if it could be medicine related. I have been suffering with this feeling for at least 2 months and have been having suicidal thoughts because it is so horrible . I have been considering ECT because I feel Like o can’t take it anymore . I have seen good reviews from people in the UK but I am wondering if it is the same in the US. Also, I have heard some negative things from personal connections. I was wondering if anyone could give me some input on ECT in general or any other options. Thank you.
ECT: Hello. I am a third time mother... - Action on Postpar...
ECT
Hello Michele-Day
Welcome to the forum where you will find lots of support and shared experiences. On the forum page there are also Related Posts which might be helpful?
I’m sorry to hear that you suffered PP about four months ago, feeling absolutely horrible and having suicidal thoughts. I can relate to feeling helpless and hopeless years ago when I had PP. Everything was such an effort and, like you, I had suicidal thoughts. Have you been able to talk to family or your care team about how you feel?
I had ECT during my recovery but my husband gave consent for this treatment as I was very poorly and not communicating. So as you have more insight than I did, if you opt for his treatment, I don’t suppose you would need as many sessions as I did.
At the time, medication alone wasn’t working for me but when ECT was added I slowly began to recover over time. I was also severely depressed following PP so ECT was administered to lift my mood.
I’m not sure about ECT in the US, or negative opinions. I think it would be helpful for you to discuss your concerns with your care team to see what options are available. ECT was used as a last resort for me when medication alone failed. Thankfully I eventually fully recovered from PP and depression without any side effects.
I hope you feel able to talk openly to family or your doctor about how you feel. Please don’t isolate yourself as you need a lot of good care and understanding. PP is an awful trauma to go through so please reach out for the support you need at home. Take good care of yourself.
Thank you for this post. It’s really nice to see that ECT after PPP and severe depression worked so well for you. My sister is going through ECT now after a similar experience, so it’s reassuring to see this. X
Hello Illberidingshotgun
I’m so pleased that my post was in some way reassuring but so sorry that your sister is suffering after PP and severe depression.
I had PP twice many years ago and was treated with ECT during recovery from both episodes, six yers apart. With my first PP, as I mentioned earlier, I wasn’t communicating and had 7 sessions at first followed by more sessions. I was under general psychiatric care during both PP episodes which were very similar. I have read from my notes that my depression with my second son lasted for over a year so that must have been very difficult for my husband trying to cope.
As my severe depression was a challenge and at times being actively suicidal, I was an inpatient in some units and given more ECT as it worked for me.
It is awful to feel so depressed and hopeless but I hope in time your sister will feel the benefit of ECT as I did. I’m sure knowing that she has your support will be a great comfort.
Perhaps when your sister is feeling a bit better you will be able to let her know about the forum as there is so much support and empathy here? Please remember to take care of yourself too as it must at times be overwhelming.
I’m not sure if you have seen the PP Insider Guide “Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis” at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... written by mums who experienced PP and professionals?
Take care.
Hi Michele-Day,
How are you feeling today? I am sorry to hear you experience ppp 4 months ago and now are feeling so hopeless. Is a close member of your family aware of your mood at the moment? Most important thing at this present time is that you are safe.
I had ppp in 2018 and I experienced a severe depression just after it. I was still in hospital at the time, being closely monitored by the mental health team. My medication was reviewed with frequency and the dosage of antidepressants was upped when needed. I didn't do ECT, so it is very little I can offer on that regard, but many mums in this forum will be happy to relate their own experiences.
I feel so much for you because I remember how low the lows were, it felt like it will never end. But you will come out the other side. Hang in there, don't hesitate to ask for help and discuss all possible treatments with your medical team, they are the best placed to advise you.
Thinking of you
Hi Michele,
Had to reach out to you as everything you write is how I’m feeling to a tea! I don’t know what medication you on but I’m about to change mine to see if that helps with all these feelings. But I know what you mean when you say they are intense and it’s just so awful to feel this way. My thoughts are with you and I can honestly say I understand what you are going through.
I’m just so fed and frustrated with not feeling myself. Sorry I have no experience of ect but if you think it might help it’s defo worth considering
Jen xxxx
Hi Jen, I’m on lithium, lamiktal, Zoloft, and Ativan. What are you on ? Also, how far past your episode are you ?
Hi Michele, I’m currently on olanzapine (can’t spell) and starting lithium hopefully this week. I had my episode in February this year. Feels so frustrating some days as my depression has only come on recently.
Hi Michele. My sister has had her first ECT session this week. She had PPP in December 2019 followed by severe depression. The specialists said that won’t notice any changes for a couple of sessions, but we are hopeful after seeing lots of positive reviews from people online. I hope you have someone that you can talk to and a strong support network. Always here for a chat 
Hello Illberidingshotgun
Thinking of your sister and hope in time she will feel the benefit of her treatment. Take care.
Thank you so much 🥰 I really appreciate it
Hello Illberidingshotgun
You’re very welcome ..... we are all here for each other.
Good morning, Michelle,
I live in the US and after having my third child (and suffering with post-partum psychosis), I had the full treatment (12 rounds) of ECT. Additionally, after my psychiatrist and I completely removed all medications from my treatment, I had ECT (12 rounds) a second time.
As I am sure you know, it is a big decision and it must be a decision made between you and your treatment team. During both those time, I was barely communicative and my husband was very much in charge of my treatment.
Make sure you talk, research, ask questions, reflect, and repeat.
Hello, it will get better, have hope. It’s harder now because of covid and the 24/7 demands of parenthood without the ability to take the kids somewhere fun. I recommend medication, but it takes 2-3 weeks to kick in. And you need to find the one that works best for you. Time away from the kids, exercise, good food, movies, therapy. Lots of prayer, mindfulness. Books- I read self help books and like having a format to follow. Most of all you just need to give it time, it will pass. ❤️💕🙏🏼
Hi Michele-Day
I hope the horrible feeling you had when you posted is a little easier if the medication is working for you.
Do you have regular contact with your care team in the US to discuss your ongoing care plan, or is it possible for you to be referred for talking therapy? Take care.
Hello,
My Wife, who is the OP of this string, is currently back in the hospital and will start ECT treatment on Monday.
A few weeks after her diagnosis of PP she developed an indescribably terrible, dreadful, awful, agonizing feeling. She has had a hard time describing exactly how it feels but says the horrible feeling is always with her and worse in the morning.
This is the best we can come up with:
Physical sensation like physiological response to fear.
Worst in the morning. Waking up is scary.
Feels it all day
Feels stronger whenever she starts to feel joy.
Feels disconnected from the world.
When she talks to people it's like there is a fog between her and the person she is talking to. Feels blurry and disoriented, especially during conversations.
Feels disoriented all of the time.
Anxiety on top of the feeling because of the feeling.
Currently only sleeping 5 or so hours per night.
Has anybody else felt anything like this? Is this symptomatic of the depression? Docs all think she is in the depression of the bipolar episode.
2 months of different medications with meetings twice a week with her psychiatrist have not been able to control this feeling. She was less emotionally reactive to this feeling when on higher doses of Zyprexa but says the feeling has always been there, she was just better able to hide it.
Could this be a side effect of some of the medicines? She just stopped Olanzapine, still on Lithium, Zoloft, Ativan and is weaning down off of Lamictal before ECT.
She is worried that not even ECT will be able to eliminate the bad feeling.
Jenni2201, does this still describe how you are feeling? Any other descriptors you could add that might help to describe the feeling?
Hi raminges,
I remember the feeling of waking up with a rush of adrenaline, this was happening to me shy of a month in my recovery. And I think it coincided with the removal of clonazepam on which I was for 3 weeks while psychotic. But I don't remember the panic attack lasting through the day as you describe. After a couple of weeks they became less frequent and a couple of months down the line they were completely gone.
I am no health professional, from my personal experience I reflect with hindsight that I started having some signs of what afterwards became depression while still under very unusual beliefs which was a big component of my psychosis. What I mean to say in a long rambling way is that I did not went from being psychotic to depressed at the switch of a light, there was a period of time were my psychosis receded my depression started but then some of my psychotic symptoms came back.
Everyone's recovery is up and down and many factors come into play in it, simple changes to the environment, meds changes, news from the outside can become a trigger. When there is a down try not to see it as a step backwards, it is a process, a painful and not straightforward one, but bumps on the road by no means indicate that your wife won't get back to her old self.
You say that the doctors agree she is on the depressive part of her bipolar episode. Does your wife suffer from bipolar disorder or is this the first time she has experienced a serious mental illness?
I don't feel too comfortable giving outright advice as I am no professional. But if I were experiencing the list of symptoms you mention above and had my current state of mind and my own previous experience to rely on, I would raise 2 things with the doctors. The lack of sleep (fundamental, that was my main trigger) and that she was less emotionally reactive to this feeling of dread and danger when on Zyprexa although the feeling was still present. This is of course coloured by my own experience so please feel free to disregard it if it doesn't resonate with you both. What I can also say from my experience is that, as you can see from this post, I ramble a lot, so I tried to make a point when talking to professionals to keep everything as minimalistic as possible, and not allow them to switch off :).
As I said in a post above I didn't do ECT so there is very little I can offer in that sense. I hope your wife starts feeling an improvement after her new course of treatment in the weeks to come. My thoughts are with you both. I just reiterate that postpartum psychosis, despite being such a major illness is very treatable and full recovery will come with time and treatment. Take good care.
Hello raminges
It must be a very worrying time for you and your family. I’m sorry your wife is going through such a hard time in her recovery.
I can relate to some of the symptoms described. I had very little sleep, waking in the early hours believing it was morning.
I felt that my bed was my sanctuary and safe space so I found it very hard to take responsibility for my sons (I had PP twice).
The fog you describe between your wife and other people was similar to my experience although in my case I imagined a moth with a commanding voice which would grow in size and ‘shout’ at me, recounting what a bad mother I was. I would then shout back, which of course looked like I was shouting at my husband as no one else could see it!
Unfortunately following my recovery I suffered with depression and as explained earlier in this string I was put on a course of ECT which, after several sessions, began to make a difference. I have to add that I wasn’t as aware as your wife is so I’m sure treatment will be tailored to her needs.
There is a Guide which might be helpful for you “Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis : A Guide for Partners” at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... with personal experiences on the page. The links are related to the UK but hopefully you will have support in the US.
As you are in the US, you might find support from Postpartum Support International at postpartum.net. Depending on which State you live in there might be local support available but we are always here for you.
I hope some of this is helpful .... sorry for rambling! My PP episodes were years ago and thankfully I eventually fully recovered. It is so stressful for partners to watch from the side lines so please take care of yourself too.
With my very best wishes to you and your wife.
Hello raminges,
Thank-you for reaching out to us and I am sorry you are both having such a horrible time at the moment. It is just great that your wife has your support, to help her get through this.
I won't go into too much detail about my experience, as I know everyone's experience and journey can be quite different, but your wife's symptoms struck a chord with me, so I thought I'd write to you and her.
I had PP in 2015 after the birth of my daughter. It came on quite quickly after childbirth. I was treated with lots of different medication and eventually tried ECT (about 10 months down the line).
Over time (I'd say within about 2 months of being diagnosed with PP), I too started to develop what could only be described as a deep sense of fear, doom and a feeling that is so often hard to describe. Your wife seems to have articulated it quite well. It was difficult in my case to know what parts were the actual psychosis and what was more depressive symptoms. Everything seemed to be mixed up for me, but it is not uncommon (about 50% of women with PP), to experience depression after the initial psychosis. The women that have had these feelings, do describe them as incredibly intense. For me, I also felt very disconnected, disorientated, confused and completely numb. The fog your wife talks about is also a very good way to describe things - very thick and fuzzy. I also felt very slowed down as if my brain wasn't quite working properly. I too felt these things for most of the day - I had a terrible dread about something (probably anxiety and depression mixed in) and just a deep hopelessness. It was such intense feelings, like nothing I have ever experienced before.
As you say, it is hard to know if this is part of the illness or side effects of the medications. It could be a combination, but it does sound like things women describe when they are going through PP, particularly with depression too.
I had 10 sessions of ECT, and obviously it is very individual and it depends how your wife responds to the treatment, but for me it did lift those incredibly intense and horrible feelings. It was probably about half way through the treatment that I started to notice tiny lifts in these feelings and tiny glimpses of hope. That helped me a lot to know that there was potential that I would not feel that way forever (which is what I believed at the time). It was then that I started to recover from it all.
It sounds like your wife has good support with you by her side. If it is not too much for her, please do keep talking to her about how she is feeling. I know this might be hard for you to hear at the time, but it helped me to know I could get all those thoughts out of my head. Do both of you, keep talking to the health professionals about the treatment and how you are feeling too.
Take care, we are here if you need us,
Sally x
I have never had ECT and I wouldn't want to. I think it is a very extreme solution. Having said that there are some ppl who are severally ill and perhaps it could help them. But I would exhaust all other options first. Perhaps a change of medication or a lower dose may help. Lifestyle choices like exercise ,vitamins taking time for yourself, sleeping / resting , getting help with childcare are all beneficial and help reduce depressive symptoms. If you are on a illness benefit with a working partner you can get childcare paid up to 70% through tax credits. I have read recently ECT affects memory in the news. These illnesses take time to recover from several months. So perhaps you are just in the earlier part of recovery. Things get better. I had terrible relapses with my bipolar especially the post party one but haven't had a relapse for a long time now. I have even dropped from two medications to one. But i still have issues due to my illness. Perhaps this won't be the case for you but like me you have to learn to prioritize yourself . Good luck
Hello Michelle-Day and raminges,
I just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you and I hope it all went ok for the first session yesterday,
Sally x
Hello Michele-Day And raminges
Just wondering how you are ..... I hope the treatment will eventually make a difference. Have you been able to contact Postpartum Support International in the USA for local support? We are here to listen and chat.
Take care .... thinking of you both and your family.
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