Anyone hospitalized multiple times?

[TwoUnderTwo]

I am about to go in for my fourth inpatient treatment, and I am feeling really down on myself. I am also going for my second round of ECT. My baby is almost five months old. I thought this would be over by now

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello TwounderTwo,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down at the moment. I was hospitalised twice after my first son was born and then again six years later following the birth of my second son. It can be very distressing when all you want to feel is 'well' but these are stages in your recovery.

The ECT is not easy but as it slowly takes effect after a few treatments you will feel the benefit. I had a course of ECT (I think about six sessions) when I had PP after my first son and then again, another course after the birth of my second son. I know it's hard being away from home but eventually you will be well. When I had recovered from the psychoses (being hospitalised in two psych units for six months after my first son was born) it took a while for me to regain my confidence and place, over twelve months. I imagine from the improvements in care today it is not the case for everyone.

Hold on to your courage that has carried you this far. I know it's easy for me to say you will be well eventually when you are feeling down right now. Many of us have been on a similar journey and we are all here to support you.

Take good care.

[Darcey1]

Hi, my daughter was 7 months when we went into hospital to a mother and baby unit. Prior to that I had been in a local psychiatric unit on my own for three weeks. Are you going into a MBU? I was basically poorly from the October to the June.... A long haul but then in the September I returned to work as. Teacher 3 days a week. I still on medication but I promise you do get there in the end lead a normal life and love spending time with your child. Getting there though is the hard part... Keep going... X

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi TwounderTwo,

I just wanted to write and say that I'm thinking of you, and hope that you will slowly recover and get the support you need. I wasn't hospitalised more than once, but I spent 3 months in a MBU. When my son was five months old I was at home, but still really struggling with depression quite badly. I am fully recovered now, and I know you will too. It does take time though, it was a year and a half before I felt like myself again.Are you getting treatment other than ECT such as talking therapies and medication?

Take good care

[TwoUnderTwo]

I am going to therapy once a week, and am on three medications...I am hoping to get better soon and can get back to work. I want to just feel like myself again.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello TwounderTwo,

I'm sure that with the medications and therapy you will be well again. You will soon be back in the routine of life, so try to take it easy while you can

We are all thinking of you.

[Naomi_at_app Volunteer]

Hi dear TwoUnderTwo

I'm so sorry this has been such a gruelling journey for you so far. My heart goes out to you as I remember my own feelings of "will this never end?" I can really identify with you as I had a number of hospitalisations (4 in total I think) with severe depression after PP with baby #1 and another round of 3 admissions due to depression and suicide attempts with baby #2. When you're in the midst of it you just feel it will never end. But it will, we other mums who've walked this awful path can promise. My girls are now 8 and 3 - and life is back to normal again, full of the joys and privileges of being a parent.

I'm very glad you are able to have some therapy. Many mums in our network say it was hardest in those first six months after PP, and gradually over the next six months there were easier days and confidence began to return.

Here for you as long as you need us, keep talking

Much love

Naomi

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Two under Two,

Thinking of you and wondering how you are. Are you still an inpatient or at home? Wherever you are I hope you are finding life a little easier.

We are all here if ever you need us.

Take very good care of yourself.

[TwoUnderTwo]

I am doing better. I am two weeks into an antidepressant and I am feeling it finally. They took me off my antipsychotic which I consider a huge step. I still get really anxious. Yesterday was pretty bad. I had a really huge trigger and it kinda ruined my day. But I am realizing there will be good days and bad days when it comes to this recovery. I am home. I am also letting my mom watch my kids for now while I recover for awhile, which was a really hard decision. I feel like a crappy mother right now honestly.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello TwoUnderTwo

Thanks for taking time out to reply. Really good to know you are doing better and that the medication has kicked in for you. You are making huge steps though some days are not so good, like yesterday, others will be fine. I hope you are feeling the benefit of therapy and that being at home now feels like a good place for you. After a few sessions of ECT I began to slowly recover and I dared to hope that I was getting better. Like you, I had some days which were brighter than others but I did recover, as in time I know you will too.

It must be a great help having your mum around. My mum was very caring too, although in the very early days of my illness I didn't realise how much she did for me. I can assure you that grandchildren are a delight and never a chore .... so your mum must be so pleased to be with you and her grandchildren for a while. Sometimes you have to accept help to give yourself time for rest and relaxation. You're a great mother, your children are in a loving home with such good support from your husband too. You are going through such a lot right now to be well for them, there's nothing 'crappy' about it. Be very proud.

Take very good care. We are all here for you.

[Naomi_at_app Volunteer]

Hey TwoUnderTwo

Just wanted to echo what Lilybeth has said really - you are far from a crappy mum! Think of all you have been willing to endure to get better and to remain in your kids' lives... Having your mum help with the kids is a good thing, for the kids too as well as you, so try not to feel guilty hon. I'm very glad to hear that you are now feeling some effects from antidepressant meds. That must be a real relief, and well done for now being home.

You are wise to realise that there will be better days and harder ones on this next part of the recovery journey. You are doing so well, just keep going and the good stretches of time will get longer.

Here for you any time you need a shoulder to cry on or a reassuring word or two.

Naomi xx

[TwoUnderTwo]

Thanks so much ladies. You have truly been there for me from the very beginning.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi TwoUnderTwo

You are so welcome and we will all be cheering for you at the 'finish' when your journey ends. You were so right in your reply to Sarah that it's a step by step process to recovery. Keep going and eventually the good days will outweigh the bad.

Take very good care of yourself. We are all here for you.