I had PP 7 years ago now and was sectioned, having ECT treatment. Things were quite tricky and social services became involved to safeguard my baby. I feel like I've got a lot of unresolved feelings about things that happened and I guess what I want to know is that - even after 7 years - will I ever recover from PP? I don't mean the psychosis part, I mean all the other left over rubbish feelings, particularly guilt in my case. I can't even look back at baby photos without getting upset and having flashbacks 😪
Sorry for babbling on.....
R x
Written by
Rachiepootle
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Please don’t feel guilty . It was never your fault. The same thing happened to me in 1990, even though I didn’t have ECT, I was given no end of anti-psychotic drugs and sectioned 4 times in 3 years.
Do you ever feel good? Do you have better days? I certainly hope so. Try and concentrate on the good things in your life and what you have achieved. You’re raising a child and that’s quite an achievement.
Would counselling help? To talk through the negative feelings? Or do you get support from the mental health team in your area? I hope so.
My heart breaks for you, I know what it must have been like for you. Guilt is awful and you certainly do not deserve punishing yourself over something that wasn’t your fault. Believe that.
Hi, I am so sorry you are still having these feelings, I think we all go through this and you are not alone, it is a great truama mentally and physically.
I suffered PP 24 yrs ago, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital where the treatment and care was unacceptable to my needs as a new my, my family refused the ECT treatment and they managed to get me home as was gradually becoming worse... them to another private clinic where treatment and understanding was much better... the thing is once I recovered from PP and got into motherhood and had another child(no PP this time) I gradually locked all the guilt away, it became a taboo place somewhere behind a door in my mind that was too hot to ever open..... the years have gone by where that place has always been in my mine... then 3yrs ago everything can out to my gp who has gained my trust and has helped me find the right path to treatment as it is trauma based, I am though the worst now, still have a journey, but getting there.
So what I am getting to is please if you are still having feelings of guilt and unanswered questions talk about it to your gp, there is lots of help out there and you have found here.for support.things will be painful but will get better.
So glad you found the forum as there will be lots of support for you with shared experiences.
I'm sorry to hear you had PP 7 years ago and still carry the remnants of such a traumatic illness. I had PP many years ago and ECT as medication alone wasn't working. Due to stigma in those days my illness wasn't talked about for fear I would be judged, so I spent years carrying a burden of unfounded guilt and shame ...... until I found APP and all the wonderful virtual mums and families here
I came to realise that what happened to me was not my fault and I had no control over my thoughts and feelings. It was as if I had changed into a completely different person, very out of character and not 'me' at all. I missed my first son's first Christmas as I was sectioned for my own safety. It is sad if I watch a video of his very early days and I wasn't there but I had no choice and with time it does get easier. Similarly with my second son, I missed his very early days.
Over the years have you been offered any support via your GP, such as talking therapy? I think you might need to talk about your feelings to a therapist so that the burden you are carrying can be lifted? Sometimes it is possible for your GP to arrange this for you locally, such as CBT? There are personal experiences here which might be helpful to read, to know that you are definitely not alone in what happened to you, at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... experiences/. We are all so lucky to have survived such a traumatic illness and you should be very proud of how far you have come with the love of family. We are all here to talk .... take care. x
a warm welcome to this social site, where you will find useful information and great support from other mums and some family members, who have been living through this traumatic illness.
Yes, mums on this site have unique stories to tell and you are spot on, - it is not all about PPP, but cause and consequence falls often into place, unless if there are other issues before PPP or influential factors throughout the recovery as it was in my case.
I know it is a common phrase 'time will heal' some of the wounds. Obviously it is your decission making in how you want to receive help and support or whether choices have been made for you, subsequently your recovery can be affected in many ways. My lived experience helps me to live with the momentum and not to look back, I can not change the past (I have had 30hrs of support group in order to change my mind-set).
What type of support do you receive? No, doubt, there will be some other amazing mums who are going to give you some ideas about the way they manage their ups and downs.
In my case it has been 9 years ago and in the first five years I was still extremely poorly until I found like minded women on this site, who shared such great compassion with an enormous sensitive touch!
I was sectioned in a Psychiatric Unit and received "unreasonable behaviour" by members of staff and in-patients for several months. In addition I lost two very significant family members throughout my recovery, which were important for our little unique family, but especially my son. This is just a brief account...
Please, do not hold back to ask for help, if you are struggling. (community support/partnership/GP/support groups/Mind etc.)
My recovery is still evolving and luckily I am managing so much better than in the first five years as I was able to get professional help from Professor Ian Jones/Cardiff University/info on APP link). The diagnosis of Bi-polar helped especially my partner to come to terms with my ongoing struggles such as sleepless nights, hyper activity, lack of listening skills, when concentration level is low...just a few symptoms of my particular spectrum.
My choice is an alternative option such as Reiki, Yoga, volunteering, painting and lots more...My partner and my son are my carers when I am poorly and support my decission making in using CBD oil only.
Don’t look back on the past. It makes people depressed. Don’t worry about the future. It makes people anxious. Look at your life now and your bond with your child now. As you can’t change what happened just try to find the fresh new today to be as great as you can make it. Good luck to you. Everyone has bad days. Good quote: life is not about waiting for the storm to be over. It is learning to dance in the rain.
You weren't babbling, but even if you were that's what this forum is for, in my view!
I just want to say that i can relate to those feelings of hopelessness about recovery though i definitely feel in a different place in the last year (hence pregnant with my second currently). In my view there are lots of things that help you move on but it's like a magic potion that's different for each person and i don't think it's ever down to 1 thing you do or don't do. For me, things that have helped are counselling Inc CBT, exercise goals, new positive relationships, a brief foray into writing, singing, reading my notes from birth/ PP, planning a lovely holiday, wild swimming.... i kind of tried everything i thought might help me and i wonder if actually all the counselling and reading my notes was what helped me move on and feel less guilt/ shame but the other stuff like exercise and singing boosted my mood and self esteem at the same time...
I'm sure there's a magic potion for you out there, keep looking!
Ps some of the things that i think helped didn't seem to help at the time. Eg i had a depression when i read my notes/ complained about my care to health profs but in the weeks following my mood started lifting. A midwife explained to me that there was nothing i could do differently to stop what happened and i think deep down that wad what i always needed to hear/ believe to be able to move on.
I hope you feel reassured by the shared experiences here. Do you think that it might be helpful for you to have talking therapy as a release for your unfounded guilt and to come to terms with all you have suffered? I hope you have good support around you. Take care. x
I too suffered PPP 3 times and after my daughter was born social services also became involved. I have been made to suffer ever since by my family, who have never let me forget it. I now look at my baby photo's with a mixture of happiness and sadness.
I am sorry you are feeling guilty, but please don't as there is much more awareness of PPP nowadays, even though it is still a taboo subject. I have bought many books on the subject, and many books on Complex PTSD, which may be what you are now suffering from as a result of the trauma.
Do you mind me asking what social services did ?I was terrified of them so I pretended I was doing really well until it caught up on me. Sorry to hear your family were so unsupportive that makes me sad. My mother had pyschosis and I wasnt told probably stigma and suffered the same fate
I hope you are well and have found some support from your GP to help you fully recover and manage the feelings you have about yourself. Peace of mind is priceless so I think it's important for you to find help to move forward and park the unfounded guilt, as I did. Take care ..... we are all here to listen and lean on. x
Thinking of you and wonder how you are. I hope your GP has been able to signpost you to support and possibly counselling, so that you can talk openly about how you feel. There is no shame in having PP but I understand how you feel. Take care. x
Hi sorry for what happened to you. I got unwell myself and spent ten days In hospital. All i can say is that i cope by creating new memories as i cant undo the past...i try to cherish all the good times now take pictures and do all I can to make memories with my daughter. Just remember it's not your fault dont feel guilty....look at what you have achieved you swam through the storm
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