Auditory hallucinations

[MichelleO]

HELP! I'm in anti psychotics and went a whole month without any problems besides intrusive thoughts and fears well just now well trying to nap with my baby I heard a dog bark in my head what does this mean ??? I'm 6 months pp why doesn't that hallucinations stay away even on anti psychotics ? Why such a gap and why when I'm always trying to sleep?

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MichelleO

Sorry to hear you have had worrying hallucinations after doing so well lately. When you went to see your counsellor with your baby what was the advice you were given? Do you think this blip could be due to medication? I saw in an earlier post that you were worried about having taken your last dose of Lamictal. Then you mentioned how good Latuda was in helping you.

Perhaps you could make an appointment for a review? I had hallucinations for a while which eventually faded when the right medication was found. Have you had your appointment with the sleep specialist yet? Hopefully all things will be considered and an ongoing care plan can be put in place for you.

Not easy but try not to worry and take care.

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

We're your hallucination simple hallucinations or scary ones I'm just wondering if I'm properly diagnosed because all my hallucinations were simple ones like dogs barking or dog food scooping into a bowl or my mom talking to me sometimes there in my head and sometimes loud in my ear so I'm just so confused the sleep study was normal but I always have these weird images scary images sometimes of killing my son in horrific ways and that I always have these when I close my eyes and try to sleep so I'm going to try to switch anxiety meds if he lets me he's a jerk and also find out if this is related to psychosis or just anxiety but the bad images and occasional hallucinations makes me feel like it's more ocd and anxiety I'm back on lamictal twice a day instead of 4 which I haven't been able to reach my dr to tell him he upped my Zoloft from 100 to 125 I'm also on latuda 60mg which is psych med after 40 I believe and kolonopin 3 times a day 1 mg which they say is the highest they wanna go cause it's a high dose but i don't know what I have all these things happen when I'm trying to fall asleep which is why I'm always waiting for my meds to kick in even unisom to where I'm falling asleep uncontrollably where I don't have to deal with the weird images scary images ect. I'm just so confused and lost

[EMTmom4]

I'm 2 years out and just the other day while laying down for a nap, I heard a man yell, you know that wierd creepy in your head yell. I rarely have these anymore but once in a while they happen. I'm not even alarmed anymore, I've been slightly stressed out so I assume it's because of that.

[MichelleO in reply to EMTmom4]

So I shouldn't worry that my psychosis is getting worse my biggest fear is I'll lose touch with reality and hurt my son it's so sickening the images I see and sometimes during the day intrusive thoughts but not as bad as before latuda but they have deff picked up a bit that doesn't scare me as much cause I know there just thoughts I'm not afraid of acting on them it's a fear of psychosis getting worse ya know what I mean and my biggest fear is nighttime cause I feel ill get him in my sleep when I'm unaware which I can't even imagine that being possible but I still stress about it

[Ashley031 in reply to MichelleO]

Hello Michelle, I'm going through the same thing that you are. I'm always afraid I might get worse and I've had that exact same fear at night. It's very scary and I cry a lot. I just keeping saying to myself that it's thoughts and I will never act on them. I hope u get back to me.

[MichelleO in reply to Ashley031]

That's a relief I actually slept alone with him for the first time sense he was 5 days old and he's 6 months so that's a milestone do you have OCD ?

[Ashley031 in reply to MichelleO]

Hello Michelle. I was told by my therapist that it's postpartum psychosis. So I need to do psychologist to get on the right meds. I've been like this since April. I'm a mess

[EMTmom4]

No I wouldn't worry, hypnagogic hallucinations are very common in people who have no mental health issues. Of course I'm not a physician so if you have any major concerns you should speak with yours. I can absolutely relate on the fear of waking and doing something in your sleep. I used to have that exact fear. I thought I was the only one! When you lose yourself so deeply in that illness, it's so hard to trust yourself. But never ever happened and I'm basically %100 now. Hang in there!

[MichelleO in reply to EMTmom4]

I'm glad I'm not the only one with the hallucinations and afraid of doing anything in my sleep it happened again today but I don't even remember cause I was so tired and just continued my nap

[MichelleO in reply to EMTmom4]

Thank you so much I thought I was the only one too ! I'm getting much much better I feel like I got a big piece of me back last night sleeping alone with him for the first time sense he was 5 days old

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi MichelleO

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling scared by the auditory hallucinations you describe. Sleep deprivation really is awful isn't it and when you are trying to recover from PP too.

I too wondered if a meds review with your Dr might help, or at least to put your mind at ease that you have told them about the things that are happening?

Hang in there, we are thinking of you and wishing you all the best. Take care, xx

[MichelleO in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

That's the thing I sleep good at night at least 5-6 hours and sometimes catch a nap when baby sleeps. I talked to my counselor and he said he sees me as obsessive and anxious not psychotic and to stop worrying because he thinks my hallucinations are a type you only get when trying to sleep because that's how all mine were but as far as the psychosis goes I know that thoughts are just thoughts it's just sometimes really bad ones and when they get bad I get really bad anxiety cause I don't want them to happen

[MichelleO in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

I saw a new psychiatrist and she thinks I had have a full blown OCD that got so bad they labeled me as psychosis but who knows they up my Zoloft A LOTTTT and seeing about getting me off of latuda for psychosis then I guess we'll find out I never lost touch of reality so I just have to wait and see

[MichelleO]

I also got a new psychiatrist sense the other guy was a jerk and knew nothing about psychosis

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MichelleO

It sounds as though your delusions were as you suggest 'simple' whereas the ones I experienced were scary. I've read from my notes that I imagined a huge moth with a face of someone I was scared of. Apparently every time my husband began a conversation, the moth would appear between us and the face would grow in size ..... leading me to be very frightened and shouting loudly. I did hear very commanding voices which were all real and very frightening at the time.

In relation to getting off to sleep, have you tried switching off your television, computer, phone for perhaps an hour before you go to bed? Or have you limited your caffeine intake by cutting down on how much coffee you might drink?

I hope you feel the new psychiatrist will be more helpful. Perhaps he will be able to review your medications.

Take good care. Stay safe.

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

The scariest things I had very vivid images during the day of knives scissors hammers pretty much everything in the house and when I was thinking too much was all the time they would all flash in my head. And actually I do have to drink caffeine or I'm a zombie but I did cut down and if the room is quiet it's worse. I'm going to think of a song I know all the Words to and just hum. But I think I'm mostly scared of hurting him at night which is was causes so much anxiety I used to do the strangest things to make impossible for me to hurt him now I just repeat nothing will happen and just let myself drift to sleep. During the day I'm just like am I in reality because I don't know how psychosis works if it just snaps and your delusional or if things slowly pop up where I would notice do you know about that? It would help if I knew. And yeah my new dr is a female I think she will know more about post partum and not try to lock me up cause of fears and thoughts

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to MichelleO]

HI Michelle O thanks for your latest messages. I'm sorry you're having to fight these intrusive thoughts. It sounds like staying busy / distraction does help you, so that you don't focus on those things. And well done for finding a way to stop them at night - as you say just repeating "nothing will happen" and managing to fall asleep- I imagine it's finding a way to not give them power. I have heard that just 'acknowledging' the thought "oh, there's that intrusive thought again, never mind" sometimes works - it takes the 'power' out of the thought, rather than just trying to suppress or ignore them sometimes makes you focus on it more.

I just wondered if you'd tried maybe listening to a podcast or radio before bed (or during the day) - like a relaxation one? just to distract you? or those adult colouring books. I enjoy doing them anyway, just to relax, but I also think they're a great tool to distract - you have to focus on the colouring and sometimes it helps to stop those kind of thoughts. I wish they'd been around when I was really unwell!

How are you feeling the last couple of days? I hope you are ok - and that your new psychiatrist is good?

Take care X

[MichelleO in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

I'm really bad with coping skills I've always grown to let everything pass which is really bad I will make plans to do certain things and then never do them I really don't know why I'm like probably just the way I grew up. But I see my new psychiatrist on the 13 I'm excited to meet her cause all women know about post partum to an extent. I'm able to shew away the not so scary ones but the real scary ones especially before bed is what gets me anxiety and afraid to sleep. The last couple days I've been taking a break sense my husband is home it makes me feel guilty but I need lazy days after taking care of baby all week so it's nice my husband helps. Thanks for checking in

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to MichelleO]

Hi MichelleO

Oh definintely, I know, much easier said than done - writing it makes it sound like I was really great at it and I really wasn't - I struggled so much too. I guess it's something to aim for / try. It's great your husband supports you, you definitely need that. I do hope that it goes well with your psychiatrist.

X

[MichelleO in reply to MichelleO]

EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS EXACTLY WHAT I WENT THROUGH !!! To a T. I told my doctor the same things you just said and she thinks it's just OCD. Did you begin your issues with what ifs ?

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

YES! I only see scary images when I'm trying to sleep everything is just sleep that I'm trying to get over then I feel more complete to healing whatever I have weather OCD or psychosis I've been told recent it's full blown OCD

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MichelleO

It's not easy is it but try not to worry. I think five / six months into recovery is early days. It's good for your husband to help so that you can rest as you seem to have sleepless nights. I hope your new psychiatrist will be able to agree an ongoing care plan and suggest coping skills which you can manage. If you haven't already, perhaps you can keep a diary, until your appointment on 13th, of your thoughts so that she will have an idea of what you are experiencing 24 / 7?

Take care ..... we are all here for you.

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

That's a good idea I can write down some concerns and worries for her to understand better

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to MichelleO]

Thanks MichelleO ....... I used to find meeting my psychiatrist a bit overwhelming and forgot the questions I wanted to ask. At least if you make a note of some of your concerns she will have an idea of what you are going through. I hope she takes time to listen too.

Thinking of you .......

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

I woke up thinking I had to peel a picture and stick it aside and looked for the non sticky part I did the motions and everything till I realized there was nothing there what does that mean I know there was a dream my sister was pregnant and that's the picture I was peeling

[Jarusinga]

Michelle, I feel sorry for you but the best advice that I can is to see a Doctor immediately for professional advice.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MichelleO

I don't really know what the dream about your sister means or the thoughts you had about a picture. I'm sure your psychiatrist will be able to shed some light on this if you make notes.

Best wishes.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MichelleO

Not long for you to wait until 13th now to meet your new psychiatrist. Hopefully she will be able to answer your questions and make a plan for ongoing care.

Take care and stay safe.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MichelleO

I hope the meeting with your new Psychiatrist went well today and that from the list of your concerns and worries she was able to see at a glance how you have been trying to cope with your thoughts. It makes all the difference if someone is prepared to take the time to listen to your fears so I hope you had that chance today and have a plan to help you.

Take care.

[MichelleO in reply to Lilybeth]

I ho in an hour and a half to meet her in very excited and nervous I have my list ready and everything and I called the other day to see if she has experience with post partum psychosis so yay! I'll let you know how it goes

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to MichelleO]

Hi MichelleO how did it go? I really hope it was helpful and you felt a good connection with her X

[MichelleO in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Yes she actually said I don't have psychosis I have full blown ocd and that I was misdiagnosed at the hospital but I did connect with her very well she understood all my symptoms and stuff so it was great thank you for keeping in touch

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi MichelleO, good to hear that your appointment was positive and you have found the diagnosis helpful. I hope things continue to go well for you, take care, xx