PTSD

[Poulson]

Hi there everyone.

I have been having a lot of nightmares recently about my past experiences. I have spoken to the police and intend bringing charges against my family for the trauma I have been through. The sexual abuse by brothers and cousin and the fact that my parents covered it up for years and put the blame on me. I have been having nightmares about my PPP after my daughter experiences of PPD after my son and the trauma I have suffered with the men in my life.

I firmly believe if it was not for my present husband I would not be here now. I am now suffering from Bipolar/Complex PTSD. I am taking Sodium Valproate 1500 mg a day and zuclopenthixol 20-40mg a day. I get all sorts of flashbacks and nightmares around birthdays, Christmas and Easter.

I had to give notice in my cleaning job as I am suffering from social anxiety and depression. I am struggling to get up in a morning and am trying to sleep all day to get away from the trauma. I am keeping myself busy by doing my education.

[guinea1]

Hi poulson,

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment. There is help out there for PTSD I am in the middle of EMTR, it is hard going but I am finding it helpful and beginning to feel a little calmer and my nightmares are starting to change as the treatment is helping me to take charge in these bad dreams.

Take care

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Poulson

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling and the daily routine is tough to face. With my first PP I retreated to my bed for sanctuary amid all the chaos in my head. So to a degree I can understand how you feel although I don't have experience of PTSD or Bipolar which must be very challenging. I do have social anxiety which I try to manage but it is very embarrassing at times.

I wonder if NAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood) would be a helpful contact for you? They have a freephone support line 0808 801 0331 or email napac.org.uk/. I contacted them a while ago and was fortunate to speak with Rita Harrison, the author and award winner of a short book of poems "Parallel Lives" tracing experiences from birth to old age, of two girls whose lives crossed briefly in childhood, Lily who was abused and Bernadette, who was not. She very kindly sent me a copy of her book and was very supportive during our conversation. I was abused by a family member from the age of six. In those days my dad would say, "little children should be seen and not heard" so I never did tell as my abuser threatened me and to this day my dad is not aware.

It's good that you are trying to distract yourself with education and have support from your husband. I have the loving support of my sons. Take care.

[Pikorua Volunteer in reply to Lilybeth]

Thank you for being always there for all those mums in need and responding with such sincerity, honesty and deeply heartfelt. I always celebrate your bravery in my heart...sending you much love

[Chick44nzrn]

Dear Poulson . Reading your post shows what a distressing time you are going through . I’m so sorry it’s so hard. Nightmares can be terrifying and

Dredge up very painful events and leave you drained and nervous . I’ve had nightmares on and off ( now rare thank God) for 30 years triggered by e g visiting a certain place or reading something.

I now believe they are a necessary way the brain tries to process unacceptable unfair and painful events . At first they were every night graphic and terrifying in my case but over time they have calmed down, though for 18 months it was relentless .

One thing that helped me was physical activity ! I guess this was the anger being released! I bought a bolster hammer , to break up some concrete !! And having bought a derelict house , set about to knock down walls . Sounds extreme but saved me losing my mind.

It could be helpful to ask your GP about EMDR ? Have you considered asking about

E g CBT? Don’t be afraid to “say it as it is”so that you get the best available treatment .

You are very brave and stoical . Things will improve for sure but not as quickly as you’d wish .

Take care

Denise xx

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Dear Poulson,

my heart goes out to you. Your struggles are alive and kicking, deeply felt, especially when going through the roller coaster emotions. I have suffered PTS, live with anxiety and BP1.

Some good advise already given above by Lilybeth and Deniz, especially links. After 5 years of recovering from PPP and living with undiagnosed Bipolar I found APP. I believe you are on the right track in communicating to mums on this site. I never trusted anybody nor did I use social media. Nevertheless since APP I got out of my shell in little stepping stones. Painting helped me to cope with my sleep deprivation and constant manic moments...then I started volunteering, often via the net as I still find crowds overwhelming!

The lows are tough...I keep in my sanctuary at home and meditate, be in my garden, walk the dog or just paint and only spend time with my loved ones or the people I want to be with...sometimes when I am manic I try to slow down by watching an art programme or international films. Netflix and the BBC helps me to watch something which makes me happy. Concentration level is low and communication can be extremely difficult. Thus, I use different means of communication such as journalising...or writing an e-mail to somebody I trust and can be there for me.

Exercising and meditation and pursuing something you enjoy is often the answer when poorly...nature is a great healer to me.

In my opinion I believe your journey of recovery is now at a stage where you can reach out and ask for help and support...and just let it all out...when suppressing emotions the lid wants to be opened, sometimes it takes a long time.

I am thinking of you and hope you will be brave!

[Chick44nzrn in reply to Pikorua]

Hello Pikorua . Just to say your reply above was so touching in your honesty and kindness. You manage so brilliantly what you have to cope with and I admire that very much !

Have a happy peaceful day

X Denise