Hi everyone, just a quick update and question, I've been getting very tired even after a full nights sleep. Just wondering if that's something others have experienced and a pp side effect/olanzipine side effect or if it's something I should raise with my doctor? I feel shattered so often.
So tired especially in the morning - Action on Postpar...
I'm not on that medication, but the mornings are really rough. I have a fear of the unknown day. I think I'm a routine and planned person and my life right now does not allow it. I'm taking Invega, Remeron and Clonazepam. My anxiety is getting the best of me sometimes. I've gotta keep reminding myself that all is well and I can handle this. It's hard though and especially in the morning.
I hope the meeting with your care co-ordinator went well and you were able to talk about how tired you have been feeling. I didn't take the medication you mentioned but I did feel tired during the day so I'm not sure if was the sedating effect which kept me stable.
I hope you are finding things easier and are able to relax and enjoy the autumnal days in your rural surroundings.
Thinking of you .... take care. x
Thanks for the replies.
I'm still getting the tiredness but it's also accompanied by the feeling that I'm not a very good mother mostly because I'm funding it difficult interacting with her and amusing her when I feel down as all I want to do is sleep or do nothing. It seemed to get a bit better when my meds were first changed but now it's got bad again. My care coordinator is seeing me every other week now but I'll talk to him again about it when I next see him. I've been feeling like I'm not getting better or that my recovery has stopped and I worry that this is just how I am now.
Good to hear from you although I'm sorry that you're worried about your recovery. I had the very same feelings that I wasn't a good mother and found it very hard to interact with my son after being discharged home. It's not easy but try not to be too hard on yourself as you have been through so much. Trying to lift myself from feeling down was such a struggle for me too when all I wanted to do was sleep.
I think it's a good idea to let your care co-ordinator know that you feel your medication isn't working as much as it was when it was first changed. Perhaps he can let your psychiatrist know. How many months into recovery are you? I think coming to terms with everything, even being a new mum, takes a lot of time to get used to but I understand how anxious you feel as I thought the same about myself.
Recovery from PP is hard but with depression also bringing you down it will take time for you to feel better but eventually you really will. Some thoughts fly in and out but other negative thoughts about ourselves get stuck and we tend to dwell on them especially if we are feeling low. Try to distract yourself from such thoughts that are holding you down and believe in yourself ...... you are a good mother Coping with recovery after such an awful illness as well as depression is a big hurdle but with the good family support you have and medical care you will have better days ahead.
Recovery time is different for all of us so try not to judge yourself and let it take as long as you need. We are all here to lean on and understand how difficult the ups and downs to complete recovery can be. Please be good to yourself and take care. PP mums are amazing
Thank you lilybeth,
My brain is still so jumbled it's hard to keep hold of the good advice I'm being given. I keep getting this feeling that I'm doing it all wrong, everything in my life, like everyone else is living to a different set of rules that I don't really understand and that I'm so different to all the other mums I come across. I hate feeling so alienated. And my little girl, will she feel alienated too, it's hard to believe that things will get better when they're so hard now. It's not like I had a great life before I had my baby either, having her was a leap of faith really that the future would be different as I was job hunting and living with my partners parents. I thought it would be okay as I've got my partner who is supportive but I'm just stuck in my mind which is just constantly pulling my life apart. It's an endless cycle of fear, guilt and seeing things that I'm lacking and it's so hard to step outside of that cyclical thinking.
Did you tell your care co-ordinator about your cyclical thinking? Perhaps he could find out how far along you are on the waiting list for therapy. It must be very hard for you as you mentioned earlier that you have had depression and anxiety for many years.
You are not so different from other mums you meet but in a way a lot stronger as you have been through so much more. You need to be reassured by your family that you are doing all you can manage at the moment for your daughter. If your family are taking turns to care for your daughter it might be an idea to see if you can help in a small way and then build your confidence so that feel you can do more and more?
Have you been able to write any notes in your book of positivity? Your daughter is thriving so try not to worry so much about how she might be affected in the future. I think you need to give yourself more time and if you're struggling, ask your care co-ordinator to arrange an appointment with your psychiatrist to talk about your medication and how you feel.
Take care and please keep writing here as we all know that some days are harder than others, especially if you are depressed and in the early stages of recovery.
I also feel tired, I am on quartipine, and only a really small dose now (25mgs). I absolutely dread mornings, I never know how I am going to feel. I know in my heart that I am getting better as I used to be in bed till ten, maybe later. I sometimes wonder if this is it. I met someone who had pp and she said all she needed to do was sleep, and advised me to sleep when I needed too. I wish you all the best x
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with the negative cyclical thinking. I just wanted to say that I experienced very similar thoughts. I felt so isolated and different from other mums, and so much guilt and fear, and thought I would never get better. The good thing is you seem really aware of it, that these thoughts are negative, and that you’d like to change them.
I hope you can get some therapy / cbt soon as that was what I found one of the most helpful things in challenging the negative thoughts.
I also found writing something positive about the day helped slowly build up my positivity , even if it was something so small. I also find just planning the day a bit, having small tasks I planned and then completed helped to slowly build my confidence.
Take care , we are thinking of you x
Thank you for all your replies,
Today has been a bit better, I managed to do some housework and look after my daughter for most of the day. I usually end up going back to bed for a bit in the mornings while someone else looks after my daughter but that time has been getting shorter and shorter and I've been looking after her for longer and longer periods of time through the day. My partner helps during the day as he's been working from home since her birth. The cyclical thoughts are the worst thing about my illness I've found, they were much worse when I was first ill though. I will talk to my care coordinator about that, I keep forgetting to bring that up with him.
That's great to hear Nara ..... you should be very proud of yourself. I'm sure your family are noticing a difference and your daughter must be a joy. It's not easy for you with ups and downs but you'll find your confidence slowly returning. I hope your care co-ordinator will listen and support you.
Take it a day at a time; try to stay positive and be good to yourself We are all here for you.
My care coordinator is coming today so I'll bring up the cyclical thoughts with him and see what he says about it. I'm feeling a lack of energy and motivation again, my daughter is with her great grandma at the moment to give me a few hours to myself. I've been making myself tidy up a bit, although I really didn't feel like doing anything. It always seems to not make much difference whether I've tidied or cleaned and just gets dirty and messy again really quickly. It all seems like a big struggle to keep on top of the most basic things, I have no idea how I'll eventually hold a job down as well as all that.
Good to hear from you. I'm glad your care co-ordinator is visiting to hopefully reassure you about your thoughts. Sometimes you will need to rest so try not to judge yourself. You have been doing really well to motivate yourself to tidy up even though you didn't feel like it. I don't think it makes much difference if it gets messy again .... the positive is that you tried so that's a big step forward .
I found it very hard to get out of bed in the morning, so at least you are getting up even if thinking about going back. I stayed in bed so that I wouldn't be left to look after my first son when my husband went to work! That was probably one of my worries of being a new mum and being 'responsible' for my son even though my family would visit during the day.
Try to take your recovery at your own pace and concentrate on getting stronger. Don't worry too much about how things might be as your daughter grows. When you have fully recovered things will gradually fall into place, you will have a new energy and loving family support around you. In the meantime, be good to yourself and take care.
I'll update with how it goes with my care coordinator later on.
Some days I just want to go back to bed rather than face the day ahead and some days I do do that but I worry about who would look after my daughter.
How did you find looking after your children when you were ill? Did you have a lot of help from family? And how long did it take before you were confident to care for them without much extra support from those around you? Hope you don't mind me asking.
I think at times it was the medication which kept me safe and stable but made me very tired. On the other hand, like you, I struggled to face the days ahead. It seems as though you have lots of good family support around you.
My experience of coping with my children will be different as the time span for recovery is different for all mums here. As my first PP episode was long ago, I spent six months under mixed general psychiatric care, eventually going home for a few hours, then overnight and eventually for weekend visits. After being in hospital for so long, it took me a while to adjust to being at home with the extra routine of housework, etc and a new baby
My first son was six years old when I had my second son and so I was mainly treated at home after initially being sectioned again. I had a relapse with my second son so I was admitted to hospital for treatment. I was also battling depression in between caring for my family so although I was functioning I think it took me over a year to be confident without family support.
Thanks for asking. Take care.
I have been reading the thread. I am so sorry about your struggles. You have had some lovely responses and good interactions with Lilybeth.
I find journalising and talking about worries and concerns such a great relief. After my PPP I used to "bottle up" everything until I found the APP Forum.
Yes, we all suffered the same illness, but our experiences are often of a different kind when being diagnosed (and if diagnosed properly or not at all), the care throughout the acute illness and then the after care.
I am so pleased that you have a positive relationship with your care-coordinator. It is good to make notes in what you would like to discuss and that could become part of the care plan. I have had the chance to contribute to my care plan and wrote a little agenda (summative info for professionals and family put in care plan) about my struggles and then, discussed with my care coordinator how to overcome obstacles in stepping stones. Maybe I ought to mention that I have struggled a lot with fear and anxiety and more hyper-mania than being low. Over the years I have had some very good referrals to support groups and various courses, support worker, art therapist etc. in order to manage my obstacles.
I was sectioned, too. The first year had been a blur and my partner was taking care of mum and baby. However, I can tell you that recovery was happening once I got out of hospital. Sure Start was of great help when I felt more confident in taking out my son.
Wishing you well and we are thinking of you on this forum. Good luck with your meeting (caco)
(hobbies are great to keep focused, when you find some time-out-I enjoy painting, yoga, meditating, or going for long walks/cycling - with some you could include your baby; Yoga for mum and babies/outdoor activities/play groups etc)
bye for now x
Thank you for your reply.
You sound like you managed to gain some control with your illness and gain some clarity over it all. I'm not a particularly organised or routine person, which I've found unhelpful now as I could really do with being much more so. I'm finding everything a bit of a struggle.
I think what you said about keeping a journal is a good idea and helping with my care plan is a good idea. I just don't really know where to start with it all!
Hello Nara 1,
sometimes everything can be rather overwhelming. It is not always that simple to identify what to do when feeling poorly. When poorly I am terrible with decision making, and it is OK to be able to rely on somebody.
Establishing a support network and focusing on your well being is a step by step process. Sometimes you realise that what you are aiming for may not be suitable for you. If you do not try, you won't know. Self-managing your well being , especially at the beginning stages of recovery needs to be guided, supported and discussed with you, Your needs have to be communicated and established, so that you can implement copying strategies.
I for example tried to practise public transport and getting used to a pub environment ready for Christmas celebrations. It was agony and weeks on end practise with a support worker. Eventually I realised that it was of no benefit to me, but just putting myself through extreme challenges at the time in order to fulfill expectations of others.
Take good care and all in stepping stones.
I spoke to my care coordinator about the cyclical thoughts and the lack of motivation and inactivity I've been experiencing. He said he will talk with my consultant psychiatrist about it.
I'm really feeling such a struggle to do anything, even writing this feels like an uphill struggle. My energy levels seem so low, my partner is doing so many things for me which makes me feel guilty also. It's been 6months already I hoped it would be better by now. I guess I must have depression on top of the pp.
Thanks for writing as it's such an uphill struggle for you. It's good that you have been able to talk honestly about how you have been feeling to your care co-ordinator. Perhaps your psychiatrist might send you an appointment?
I know it probably seems longer than six months into your recovery but we all take different paths and time to heal. I think I've mentioned that my PP episodes were a long time ago and I think recovery times have improved. After having my first son, I was in hospital for six months so in comparison you are doing really well recovering at home.
As suggested, it might be a good idea to keep a note of how you are feeling each day so that if your psychiatrist sees you he will have insight into how you are struggling. Your partner probably understands how ill you have been and is a great support. Try not to feel guilty about having help while you are struggling as although PP is a traumatic illness it is temporary and you will eventually fully recover.
If you have depression on top of PP this can also hold you back and be very tiring. I had PP during my second recovery from PP and it took over a year for me to feel better about myself. I remember the days of feeling helpless and hopeless but with good medical care and family support you will find your way. I hope your psychiatrist will be able to help if you do also have depression.
Try not to rush to be well .... you are doing your best for now.
Take good care of yourself.
Journalising and recording your emotions maybe in a form of a mood chart could help you to communicate and feedback on how you feel each day. (use of emoji's/words describing how you are/or a number scale from 1-10). It is often just good to describe what you have been doing.
I know it is difficult to have the motivation of putting pen to paper, but it is a focus and might help you to trace back and give more detailed explanation in order to receive help and support.
...despite being so poorly I remembered keeping a diary and I observed and watched my 6 month old boy and described how I found my feet in looking after him again and even going to a baby massage group. I still have the picture of myself and 3 other women and our 4 babies. A happy moment and recorded.
You will improve gradually, be kind to yourself
Thinking of you,
My partner was very sweet and without prompting the other day looked up some stuff about olanzipine to see if it can cause any side effects regarding diet and how the body retains minerals and vitamins. He found it can leach b vitamins and melatonin from your body, as can other antipsychotics, and melatonin is essential for good sleep. I since then have been taking a supplement of spirulina as it was all I have in at the moment and it's classed as a complete food, and my sleep has been better and I've been less tired than I was.
My partner has also ordered some b vitamin supplements and melatonin for me but they haven't arrived yet. I'll update on how it's going with them when I get them and start taking them.
That’s great you’re feeling a bit less tired, I remember the tiredness being really debilitating.
It could be good to just check with your GP and / or mental health team that the medications you’ve ordered are ok to take with the other meds? Just to be sure they’re safe to take etc.
I really hope you’ll continue to feel better.
I had an appointment with my consultant psychiatrist today with my care coordinator and they agreed to increase my anti depressants from 20mg to 40mg and are putting me across to a psychologist possibly for CBT. He also arranged for me to have a blood test to make sure there's nothing physical to do with the tiredness and lack of energy, I should get the results by the end of the week.
It's good to hear your update.
It sounds like a helpful meeting. I was on quite high anti depressants too. I also accessed CBT as well, and I found it so helpful in battling the negative thoughts and depression, so I hope that you can access CBT soon and I hope you will find it helpful too.
Take care X
Thank you so much for the up-date,
It is always a relief that help is at hand when struggling. Good news! I am so pleased, that you receive professional support and guidance.
I, too...have had to make use of the health service in many ways including counselling support. Even nowadays I feel more at ease when having regular catch-ups with my GP.
I hope the increase in medication will make a difference when it's had time to kick in. I'm glad you will also be having extra support, with possibly CBT, which is a really good therapy in which to channel your thoughts and will be so helpful.
Take good care of yourself .... we are all here for you.
My meds have settled a bit but I'm still sleeping a lot. I think some of the sleeping and tiredness is because I'm finding it hard to face the day ahead. Things seem quite hard work and like an uphill battle so sleeping seems like a release from that. My daughter is fine and reaching her milestones, my partner and his family have helped loads though, I think I wouldn't have coped without their help.
Thinking of you, Nara1...
I am pleased you have the support. I was in a similar situation where my partner looked after me and his parents were part of the care plan.
Yes, our little once grow up very fast...sensitive souls, but resilient & unique.
Wishing you well,