Need advice

[Beckles30]

Hi there I'm currently hospitalized suffering servere postpartum depression after suffering PP in November 2016, my daughter is in the care of her father on the IOW whilst I get better, he had every intention of coming back together as a family once I'm better and the move was only supposed to be temporary. I have now been told by the doctor I need to be with my daughter regularly to aid my recovery and my partner has now said he is not coming back. Has anyone been in a similar situation and have any advice?

I feel so scared I'm going to loose my daughter due to this illness it's seems so unfair : (

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Beckles30

I'm so sorry to hear you're in hospital after all your efforts in previous posts to lift your mood. It must be awful for you to be separated from your daughter. I noticed that you mentioned you have supportive family and friends and wondered whether they would be able to speak to your partner to ask if he will reconsider his decision?

I don't have any advice to offer but I really hope you will find support. Take very good care of yourself. We are all here for you .... please write again if it helps. xx

[Kats88]

I am in a similar position, I had pp in 2016 and since then have suffered from terrible severe depression. My husband left with my kids due to my illness (and he found someone else) and has moved away. I only get to see my kids once per week and even then it has to be supervised.

I'm so sorry you are in a similar position, it must be very hard. Can you move to IOW as well or is that not an option? Just trying to think of ways you can be closer to your baby. Will you still be able to have regular contact even if they don't come back? You won't lose your daughter but you need to be strong and fight to get well so you can see her again.

It does get better, for me I felt better when I came out of hospital for the 3rd time. I still suffer now and have days where I don't even get up but I'm holding on to the fact this is temporary and will get better.

Wishing you all the luck in the world and I hope hospital helps you to feel better soon xx

[Beckles30 in reply to Kats88]

Thank you Kat, it's so horrible isn't it, I feel like I'm being punished...for what...having an illness I didn't ask for and have no control over! I can't move to IOW as I have flat and family, friends support network here and nothing over there. My partner is living with his mum and her and husband and they only have two bed flat. He says he loves me but how can you do that to someone you love, I just feel he is taking away my only chance of getting better as I can't get that bond and connection back with my daughter only seeing her every two weeks. Thank you for replying both you and lily Beth. I'm gonna keep fighting this illness and try to get better for myself and get my daughter back, that's all I can do. I guess you must be in the same position, how long have you suffered with your depression? I have serve Depression & Anxiety and it's awful smack in the mouth having already been through PP, do you have family that could support you with bringing up your children? My mum is trying to help me at the moment.

[Kats88]

Is there any way you could see your daughter more often than every two weeks? I know exactly what you mean about being punished for being ill as I feel exactly the same way. I've had depression for 18 months now and it's pretty severe, I've been close to killing my self on a number of occasions. I'm glad your mum is trying to help you, my dad is trying to help me too by supervising my access. I'm so sorry your partner has left you, I know exactly how you are feeling and it really hurts so sending lots of hugs xx

[Beckles30 in reply to Kats88]

Thank you Kat, I know exactly how your feeling I've been feeling suicidal for several months and tries to take an overdose that'a when the services finally listened and admitted me back to hospital, I've been here 5 weeks now being treated for servere depression and anxiety, I've made some improvement but it's a slow process as you probably know. I'm glad you have your dad helping you too I thin it's crucial in recovery to have good support network of family and friends. I hope things start improving for you, have you been hospitalized before? Are your meds helping at all??

Big hugs back and try to stay strong...i just know I need to try be strong to get better for myself first so then I can be there for my daughter.

Take care xx

[Kats88 in reply to Beckles30]

Yeah I have been hospitalised 3 times, sectioned twice. I was nearly sectioned 3 weeks ago but my ex husband blocked it so they didn't, after I bought 200 cocodamols to take an overdose with. Eventually I handed them over to my care coordinator and went to stay with my dad for the weekend as they wouldn't leave me on my own.

5 weeks is a long time, I am glad you are making progress though and I hope it's helping. I am suicidal tonight, so no I don't think my meds are helping. Xx

[Beckles30 in reply to Kats88]

Kat I'm sorry to hear your struggling too I think my hospital admission is helping, maybe it would help you too.

Thinking of you, take care of yourself xx

[Kats88 in reply to Beckles30]

Thank you, thinking of you too. I'm pleased you think that the hospital admission is helping, what meds are you on? Do you think they're helping? My ex husband suggested me going back to hospital today but I just don't think I can bring myself to go back in after my last experience which was horrible. I just have to keep on struggling through hoping I don't do something I'll regret. Xx

[Beckles30 in reply to Kats88]

Hi Kat how are you doing?

I'm

On

Clonazapam, Duloxitine and metazapine at the moment, I think They are helping gradually with time. I understand why you don't want to go back into hospital...no it's not a nice place to be! I'm

Just struggling through it really, each day I just think of my daughter and getting well again so I can be there for her...it's pretty tough and very up and down tbh. I'm going to spend a week with my daughter next week which I'm

Looking forward to but also quite anxious about as I just doubt my ability as a mum at the mo. Howz the visits going with your children, how old are they? Anyway I hope your okay, thinking of you xx

[Kats88 in reply to Beckles30]

I'm also in hospital got sectioned I'm psychotic again lx x

[Beckles30 in reply to Kats88]

So sorry to hear this Kat I do hope the hospital admission helps you. Thinking of you & hope like myself you get well again soon. Xx

[Kats88 in reply to Beckles30]

hiya, sorry i couldnt reply properly my phone has broken, im on a laptop now. I hope you have a lovely time with your daughter and please do not doubt yourself as a mother, you'll do a great job.

I havent seen my kids since I came into hospital but im hopefully seeing them friday. Im being kept sedated so im not really up for visitors just yet xx

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Beckles30, I'm sorry things are hard for you at the moment. It's good to hear that you are getting the support you need in hospital. Recovery from PP can be a long and hard process, but we are all here to listen and support you further as you recover. We've all been there too, thinking of you lots. Take care, xx

[Beckles30 in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

Thank you Hannah yes it's been the toughest thing I've ever had to go through, trying to be strong but it's hard without my daughter, thank you for your kind words and support. Xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Beckles30

I hope you have a lovely week, spending time with your daughter. It must be hard struggling with anxious feelings but try to settle in to being the great mum that you are. Sending you a hug

Take good care of yourself.