After my first baby, I had ppp, but did not take medicine or get help. I just cried at times for no reason. After a year, I felt better. Not myself but better. Four years and one day later, I had my second baby. I was crying again for no reason, but more was going on. My self-esteem was low, high anxiety, withdrawing. I started on an anti-depressant. That was 16 years ago. I still feel like I'm stuck in ppp. I've been to specialists to balance my hormones. I see a psychiatrist and psychologist. Some months are great. I love my children and don't regret having them. They are the sun and the moon. I just want to be emotionally normal like before. My question is: will ppp ever end for me? It still feels the same. Never ending.
Don't fret new mothers and fathers. I'm sure I'm not the norm.
Written by
Johnnalynn
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I'm really sorry that after such a long period of time you still feel awful. I'm no expert but have you asked about mood-stabilisers? My mum suffered from PP too when I was born and she spent years cycling up and down. She had ECT and is now on lithium. Mental illness is debilitating and it shouldn't be allowed to drag on through your life. You need to give your health professionals a heavy push and make them understand this is long-term, on-going and affecting your quality of life.
I'm so sorry to read that you're still struggling many years after you have had PP. It sounds like maybe you didn't receive the right support at the time? I think for most people taking medication is one of the important things in becoming well again, and it can linger if not.
I don't know if you are in the UK? I just wondered if maybe the APP second opinion psychiatry service would help. I don't know if you do have a formal diagnosis of postpartum psychosis or bipolar? If you do Dr Ian Jones, who is a leading perinatal psychiatrist in PP and bipolar, would probably accept a referral. It is completely free for you and your funding health authority. He may be able to advise you and the professionals that support you of possible treatment / diagnosis etc. I've heard nothing but good things from women who have seen him for various reasons. And he accepts referrals years after the episode too. Your psychiatrist would have to refer you. Try and emphasise too it's not so much a 'second opinion' more an 'expert opinion'.
I am pleased to meet you here. I have had PPP in 2010. I found this forum in 2015 and since then individuals on this forum have been of great help. It has been an eye-opener knowing that I do not have to experience the yo yo effect on my own:
Experiences of females do vary a lot after the recovery of PPP. My experience has been quite traumatic as I have had not the appropriate care in the first few weeks when suffering with PPP. I managed to wean off a cocktail of traditional medication after one year. However, since then I have had to adapt and tune into a different me and familiarise myself with new role identities. It is like being stripped off or being lost in a maze.
After finishing with Halliperidone, Lorazepam and Risperidone I had been diagnosed with severe fear and anxiety based on social and agora phobia. However, I have been told that some women may suffer with menstrual psychosis. The symptoms of mine are very similar throughout my cycle (i.e. mind racing, extreme hyper mania, restlessness, dilated near enough black pupils, multi-tasking, low concentration level, struggling with communication...)
I was thinking of visiting Dr. Ian Jones or at least try to skype, but have not made any arrangements so far. I agree with Ellie that you may feel more at ease, if you could get a second opinion.
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your experiences of PP. I had PP twice, six years apart, many years ago. It's a shame you didn't receive treatment for your first PP as it's a huge trauma to fight alone.
All those years ago I didn't know what had happened to me and that I had suffered PP until I read an article in the local press, by the then Dr Jones of APP, who asked for women to contact him for research purposes regarding mental illness. I had the good fortune to meet Dr Jones and some of his team, more than 16 years after my first son was born, and he was able to confirm from my notes that I had been through the trauma of PP twice. So I think as has been suggested, a meeting with now Prof Jones might be very helpful, if you are in the UK. He was so understanding and will be able to advise your care team.
PP is a temporary illness and you should not be feeling weighed down by it all these years later. After meeting Prof Jones I can honestly say I felt so much better about myself, the shame and guilt lifted after so many years, although I know it's different as you already know you had PP. I hope you might be able to be referred to lift your spirits.
Take care ........
How are you Johnalynn?
A lot of emotions can accumulate, not only because of the path of recovery, but because of this Season. I hope you are doing fine with the right support and love.
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Baby number 2 due in a month
Feeling very alone 
Getting close to 2nd baby
