A year on ....

[alexj2912]

Hi my name is Melissa, I was diagnosed with PPP a few weeks after giving birth to my wonderful daughter Lillie. I was quickly admitted to a MBU where I stayed for 4 months. These were the worst weeks of my life and I felt extremely frightened and suicidal.

It has now been just over a year and I am still suffering with severe depression, and I believe from reading the posts on here that PPP is often followed with depression. I am struggling with the fact that a year on, I still feel so depressed and am desperate to get back to the 'old Melissa' again. What if it never happens?

I am still taking medication. Olanzapine, Lithium and Clomipromine anti depressant. I am under the community mental health team who are a good support.

My family have been my rock throughout the past year and I want to get better for their sake as well as mine and baby Lillie's

It would be reassuring to know that there are other ladies experiencing the same feeling as I am.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Melissa

Welcome to the forum. I know that you'll receive a lot of supportive replies on here from people who are either feeling how you are, or have been there and are better - including myself!

I had PP in 2011 after the birth of my son, and it sounds like my experience followed the same pattern as yours. I was in a MBU for four months too and struggled with depression afterwards. It was awful. I still had bouts of feeling low after a year too. I found that slowly I had windows of feeling well, and not low, and gradually they got longer and longer and the lows less severe until I was completely recovered - and I was 'Ellie' again - and I know you will be 'Melissa' again! Hang in there... you're going to get better

I can honestly say now I am in a place where I am even thankful for the experience I went through because it changed my whole outlook on life - a huge amount of that is down to APP. I think supporting and sharing with others has really helped - that something so positive and life giving for me has come out of it. I have also shared my experience with professionals and I hope I'm making a difference to how other people are supported. And I just feel huge gratitude now for my life - my beautiful son, and my family. You will too. I would never ever have believed that when I was in the midst of the depression, but I do!

Take care, and write whenever you need to XX

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Melissa

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your experience. Here you will find lots of support and similar experiences.

Following my PP I had the thoughts which you describe and was a risk to myself and sectioned to general psychiatric care, a long time ago. To be honest a year into recovery is not long ...... it took me a little over two years to find my feet and regain my place. That said, recovery today is much quicker as mums here will tell you.

After my second PP, severe depression hit me which seemed endless and lasted for almost a year. At the time I can remember feeling helpless and hopeless, there were days when I didn't get out of bed. From notes I've read, some of my behaviour was completely out of character and I didn't recognise myself.

I can honestly reassure you that with the community health team's support and medication you will return to 'normal' ..... except that you will be a much stronger person as you have endured so much during this past year for the love of your daughter and family.

There are mums on the forum sharing the same boat ....... slowly but surely your depression will lift and you can look forward to many happy family times ahead.

Lean on your family for support and we are all here for you too. Be proud of yourself ........ PP mums are amazing

Take good care ......

[cas22]

I'm 15 months into pp. I also have severe depression I can't help you but I want to let you know your not alone. I have just come out of hospital where they changed my medication and I do feel a lot better and I believe there is hope for all of us that we will get better. hang in there you will recover. x

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Melissa and welcome to the forum,

You have already received some positive messages here and I too can say, hang in there, you will get better and you will be "you" again!

I had PP in 2009 and also spent time in a couple of hospitals & then an MBU, the medication I was on was Olanzapine and Lithium too. I remember coming home and thinking I should be OK, but it was just the start of the next phase of the journey of recovery. And the passing months seemed like milestones and I was desperate to get better, which I did. Recovery can take over a year though and that is not unusual after PP. But we have all travelled the road and can be with you whilst you do too, you are not alone.

I wondered if you had seen the APP Guides? There is one about Recovery which might also give you some further info, here is the link: app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

Take care and write whenever you want, I hope the shared experiences here will help in your continued recovery, all the best, xx

[Orea]

Hi Melissa, I've just joined this group. I had my son Conn in September last year and started to get PPP after about 4 days. I was in a MBU for about 6 weeks. Following release I was really happy for about two weeks, and then started to suffer from extreme anxiety and depression. I had had a severe period of depression before. Like the other mums on the forum, I can hopefully reassure you that you will get better - but that is not often a comfort with what you are going through at the moment.

As a more practical piece of advice, I'd suggest discussing your drug regime with your Community Mental Health Team again. I was on Olanzapine for about 6 months and then gradually came off. But when PND hit, I was also on Sertraline (an anti-depressant). I did not find this worked until they upped my dose quite a lot, and this has been my experience of anti-depressants in the past - they take a while to work, sometimes you need to switch type (which can be off-putting), or sometimes an increase in dose helps. Obviously, you shouldn't do anything different re medication, without professional advice and support, but it is perhaps worth raising with them. I am now on quite a high dose, but can happily say that I feel back to my old self! There is often a stigma around medication, but personally I find that I can live with the side effects (in this case night sweats!) and am content to know that I am back to my old self!

I hope this helps xx

[alexj2912]

A big thanks ladies for your words of encouragement and for taking time to reply to my post. It has given me hope that the depression will eventually lift and I can regain my life again and be me.😀

[suzannah0]

All the best. Though I wasn't diagnosed I think I had mild depression after. For me talking helped, to health professionals and friends.