A year on....

[Theo116]

I have not posted on here before. I had a little boy a year ago. I was diagnosed with ppp and end up in a psychiatric unit, for just under a month. I then came home and was admitted to a mbu in January. My little boy was one last Saturday and we brought him home a year ago yesterday, I just feel so sad at the moment about what happened. I try and look forward but am just struggling right now.

[Claire_griff Volunteer]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum, it really is an amazing source of support and information and I hope you will find some comfort through the messages you receive. Well done for writing a post as I know that can be difficult in itself. Anniversaries of significant moments in our lives can be so difficult, I too have felt it the worst when I look back a year on from times such as birthdays or being discharged etc. But try to remind yourself that being a year on you are no longer in that place, you've worked so hard to get where you are now and you will continue to feel more and more well, I definitely think that time is an excellent healer.

Best wishes,

Claire

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

Hi Theo116 and welcome

I think sadness, particularly around anniversaries, is a really understandable emotion. It doesn't make it easier to cope with, but do know that you aren't alone and we have all been there. Recovery is a long process (APP have published a whole pamphlet "Insider Guide" on the subject!)

For my own family, we find our son's actual birthday quite a difficult time of year. Much better is the anniversary of when we actually got discharged from the MBU (3 months later). We tend to go all out and celebrate that date (while also giving our son the usual birthday party hoo hah!)

At one year on, all these anniversaries are "the first" which makes it even harder. It does get easier though, I promise! We are almost 5 years on now.

All best wishes

Kat x

[DEb12W]

Welcome Theo.

Anniversaries are hard. Let them be hard, acknowledge the hurts you have all experienced. Dealing with the trauma and the grief is a process to work through. And it's worth dealing with it.

I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old, and was separated from both of them due to PP. I'm only now working through my medical notes from 4 years ago, with an experienced perinatal psychologist to work through the grief of the time we had apart. And to make sense of those muddled memories!

Praying the tough times, will be strengthening times for you and your family,

loveDEb

[Jenskygazer Volunteer]

Hi Theo 116

Welcome to the forum, just to echo Claire, Kat and Deb, I definitely feel sadness at anniversaries and I think it's a really natural reaction to an illness and an experience that is horrible and is such a shock for mums who go through it. I'm really glad you've found the forum and have written, I know I found it such a relief to hear from other mums and know how much shared experience there is. Over time you will continue to get well, but allow yourself time to feel sadness, I found the time after hospital to be so hard, processing everything and doing it all while being a mum and looking after my child and adapting to all of that. You have put in so much hard work to be where you are now, and will keep recovering. Be very kind to yourself, I too think time is an excellent healer. Sending very best wishes to you and your family

Jen x

[Hidden]

Dear Theo,

Pleased to meet you on this forum. You have had already some excellent responses from other mums.

It is such a bizarre and deep rooted experience, being affected by dates. I believe that 'Socialisation' plays its part, where expectations often are set in their ways and thus, not allowing individuals to be upset after a traumatising experience in life. Especially the reactions one receives when struggling with mental health issues. Stigma! Why do we have to be strong or supress our sadness? You can not see the emotional pain written on our foreheads, yet our treatment is of a different kind than physical pain.

How much does it affect a mum? In my case trying so terribly hard to cope with being a mum and then becoming so very poorly. After two weeks I was sectioned to a psychiatric hospital and my baby was not there. The first year of recovery has been quite a blur.

Like Deb, I am trying to make sense of my lost world and need facts. I do not remember, but have been struggling for 5 years with Insomnia and 7 years with Agora and Social Phobia. Why???

Theo, it is OK to feel sad and it is important to express your feelings. Grieving happens in many different ways. I only managed to put up my son's baby pictures two years ago. It is good to have found compassionate mums on this forum.

Look after yourself,

x

[Helen_84 Volunteer]

Hi Theo,

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find the messages on here helpful.

Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment, as others have echoed I think anniversary’s are difficult, particularly first ones. You can’t help but reflect on what has happened with your PP experience, but this then muddles with the want to be happy, because you are also trying to celebrate what you expect to be a happy occasion.

I would say it not at all unexpected to be sad about what happened. For a long time I experienced a real sense of loss about it all. I felt robbed of what I had been told would be the most special time of my life, and in its place was one of the most traumatic experiences I could imagine.

Things will get easier with time, it may not seem it but a year is a relatively short period of time since suffering such a serious illness. And as well as coping with this you have been dealing with all the changes that happen when you become a Mum.

Hope you feel a bit better soon xxx