Feeling Worn Out and Alone

Hi everyone,

I am four weeks out of the MBU and on the road to recovery, but since I've been out of hospital my hubby has been suffering from anxiety and depression and now the meds he was on for that has triggered mania. He's always been there to support me through my PP and I want to be able to support him too, but I'm feeling really worn out just taking care of our two girls (4 and 20 months of age) and myself. I've also been trying to organise a referral to a psychiatrist for weeks and just been told again that I have to wait for the referral to be approved, which is what I was told weeks ago and it still hasn't happened. Feeling frustrated.

Does anyone else out there have a partner that they're supporting too?

10 Replies

  • Hi Downunder91

    Welcome to the forum. Phew, it sounds like you are having to deal with a lot, with your husband now not well, and you're only 4 weeks out of the MBU, and it sounds like you don't have much professional support for yourself either? Do you have anyone from a mental health team supporting you / your husband? Is your husband at home, what kind of support is he getting? That is awful that you aren't able to get a psychiatrist appointment. Sorry for all the questions...

    It sounds like you're coping with such a lot. Do you have other family and friends who are supporting you too? I'm not surprised you're worn out and feel so alone.

    My partner wasn't ill that early after I had PP but once I was fully recovered (after about 2 years) he did end up completely stressed out about 'nothing' and ended up off work, and once he had accessed some counselling it was clear that what he was struggling with was post traumatic stress from everything that had happened with me rather than anything that much to do with work. It's such a huge trauma on partners too, it's not surprising that they end up really struggling too.

    I just wanted to make sure you had seen all our resources for partners, this may be helpful for your husband. app-network.org/partners-2/

    You and your husband will get better and you'll come through this. I'm not sure what advice to give you that got me through... time is a great healer. Planning my days, having a routine, even the smallest things, to feel like I had achieved something. Writing two or three things at the end of the day that were good / I was thankful for. But most of all time helps.

    I hope you'll receive some replies on here from other mum's or also even dad's whose partners have struggled too and how they all coped with it and came through it.

    Take care and do write on here whenever you need to, you are not alone here. We have all been through the trauma of PP XX

  • Thanks Ellie. I am linked in with a community mental health team, and the mental health nurse has been checking in with me once a week, but they don't normally see people with PP so I have to find a private psychiatrist. Have just found out that the psychiatrist I had a referral to isn't taking new patients so I need to start all over again with a new referral. My husband is at home and is currently being managed by our family doctor, but does have a referral to the community mental health team as well. We have family and friends around, but most of them don't know my husband has been struggling. They have been really helpful with practical things like looking after my oldest while I was in hospital and making us a few meals once I came home.

    I guess it just feels like we're having to deal with a lot of things at once, as he was also unwell and hospitalised with a bad infection while I was in the MBU as well. In a way I really miss my husband, because he's not himself at the moment and has always been reliable and supportive.

    I'm glad to hear that you and your husband both got through, and I hope we'll be in a better place in a few months or years too.

  • Hi Downunder91

    How are things? What a shock that your husband has been so reliable and supportive, and is now struggling. It's really so tough. Have the community mental health team been in touch yet to support him?

    I can't believe you have to find your own psychiatrist. I am presuming you're not in the UK, but Australia (only from your user name!). Though support is patchy and a bit of a postcode lottery here in the UK but still the NHS is an absolute god send... I hope you find a good psychiatrist soon? Are you able to find a perinatal mental health one?

    I am thinking of you and your family, you will come through it. I know it seems like it can't get better now, but it will. Time is a great healer. I just hope you can both get the support you need. X

  • Hi Ellie,

    Things are a bit better over the last few days. Hubby has started on quetiapine too and it seems to be calming things down a bit. CMHT haven't been in touch yet, but I hope they will soon.

    There are a few perinatal psychiatrists around where I live (yes I am from Australia) and I have a few names so I am hoping to be able to connect with one of them soon. NHS does sound good. Our public health system and medicare are usually pretty good, it completely covered my stay in the MBU, but can be a bit hit and miss with mental health in general.

    Thank you for thinking of us! I am finding the forum is a good support too. :)

  • Hi Downunder91,

    I hope you are finding the Partners Guide and other info here helpful. It is such a lot to deal with, and my husband too found it oerwhelming at times. I'm sorry to hear that your husband is unwell too and I hope you can get the support you need for him. And for yourself too, it is good you are linked with the CMHT. Are you able to find anything locally too that might support you both? I have heard good things about Homestart for example, and your Childrens Centre (or CMHT worker) might know of other resources.

    I also wanted to say that it does get easier. It can just take time, and you sound to be doing so incredibly well dealing with so much already. Please hang in there and keep writing here and asking questions if it helps.

    Take care, we are all thinking of you, xx

  • Thinking of you Downunder91,

    From talking to my partner and family since my experience of PP 3 years ago I now understand what a stressful and anxious time it was for them.

    You've done so well with your recovery to be discharged from the MBU. I hope you find the information above helpful, and in time, things will get easier and you'll be in a better place.

    Keep in touch xxx

  • Hi Downunder91, nice to see another Aussie around here. I'm living in SA, but spent a couple of years in VIC.

    It's good that you are linked in with a community mental health service, but it's a shame that you're not able to see a psychiatrist through one. I assume that you can see a psychiatrist through them in the interim while you wait for a private psych. to become available (Or perhaps that you're able to see somebody from the MBU as an outpatient)? In my experience it would be very unusual for them not to give either of those two options?

    As for your husband, if you think he needs to be seen by somebody in the community mental health team more urgently, then by all means contact the relevant crisis intervention team - their response will vary from sending a crisis team out immediately, to booking an appointment at the community mental health service at some point in the next couple of weeks.

    Mental Health Service Line (NSW) - 1800 011 511

    ACIS (Victoria) - 1300 874 243

    ACT (QLD) - 1300 64 2255

    ACIS (SA) - 13 14 65

    In WA, call either 9224 8888 if you're metro.

    Your GP should be able to get him into the service more quickly.

  • Hi Cicerenella, I am in SA too. It is good to meet a fellow Aussie! I haven't met many people from Aus who have had PP.

    I had seen someone from the MBU as an outpatient twice but it seems that they don't normally do that so don't want to continue and are very keen for me to find someone private to see. I am able to call them if I am in need though. It is just very frustrating to have been chasing a referral for weeks only to find out the doctor isn't taking anyone new.

    Thanks for posting the numbers. We have already used the ACIS number once and they were great.

  • Hi I lived in two other Australian states. See your gp. I didn't need a psychiatrist but chose to, as I felt I needed respite....I ended back in the psych unit (we didn't have mbu) as a voluntary patient so I was just there at nights to sleep). the gP was able to help get an appointment the next day. I was too unwell to call around but I hear panda helps. I found lifeline to be invaluable just to cry over the phone.

  • Im in Sydney, my husband had PTSD after my 2 episodes of PP, not really acknowledged until kids were 2 and 6.

    PANDA is the national helpline, which despite their acronym supports psychosis too, and as a whole family. They have professional and volunteer trained people to chat to, and a database of recommended facilities, Drs etc for the whole country.

    A few Aussies and NZ have found each other, and chat randomly through Facebook. Private message me for anyone who would like to join us. Networking with our peers is so important for survival and recovery!!


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