Hello everyone

[Ashley031]

Hi everyone,

It's been a few days since I've been on. I'm doing ok. I felt myself getting a panic attack today but I was strong and I got through it. Sometimes I sit here thinking I'm a bad person for having these thoughts. When will I see myself as a good person? When I recover from this I feel like I'll be depressed bc of the thoughts I had. It makes me feel down. I hope to talk soon.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley031

Thanks for your new post and update. You did so well to control your panic attack. Have you been able to see your doctor for a review?

It is very difficult to cope with negative thoughts but this is your illness .... you are not a bad person and not on your own. Trying to cope with work and routine while on medication is very hard to do. I think you need to see the Psychologist asap if your doctor thinks he / she will be able to prescribe the right medication for you. Being on the right medication will make all the difference to how you feel.

You are a good person ....... it sounds as though you have been suffering since your son was born 18 months ago. Is your therapist around to talk things over with? Try not to think too far ahead, just take things a day at a time, especially if you're working.

I'm glad you have the support of family and friends around you. There are so many ups and downs to recovery but with the right care plan you will feel much stronger. I think if your doctor can fast track you to the Psychologist that would be very helpful.

Take very good care, stay safe. We are all here for you.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Ashley

Well done for getting through your panic attack - that must have taken some strength to do that...

You are really not a bad person for having the negative thoughts. I used to find it helpful to see the illness and depression, and the awful thoughts I had, as something separate from myself, like a separate being almost that I had to fight. It isn't the real you, it isn't who you are, it's the illness - you don't need to feel guilt for it, it's not something you've chosen or you can help - I know that's easier said that done - I felt so bad and guilty too but I think that's also the illness trying to mess with your head! ! There is so much to process I found, from PP, so many memories / thoughts to come to terms with... slowly you will get there, and this forum is such a good place to do that.... just to feel you're not alone, that these thoughts you're having are so normal for PP, and don't mean you're a bad person or a bad mum at all.

How are you doing the last couple of days? I hope you are OK X

[Ashley031 in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hello Ellie,

I'm doing ok. I do have moments that seem like they are taking over but I do get through it. I'm just sick of feeling this way. I want to be happy again. I hope to talk soon.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Ashley031]

You're being amazing and strong fighting this. I remember I kept saying "I just want to be myself again " and it feels like it will never happen but it does! Take care xx