My mind keeps racing with bad thoughts.

[Ashley031]

Does anyone have really bad thoughts that race through ur mind and doesn't go away. Scared and shakey.

[Ashley031]

Can anybody please tell me what thoughts they had. I'm scared

[Jessi_D in reply to Ashley031]

Hi, I had racing thoughts but not bad ones. Lots of business ideas, random thoughts. With the right medication and time, I got better. No racing thoughts anymore.

[Ashley031 in reply to Jessi_D]

Hello jessi

What medication were u on if u don't mind me asking?

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Ashley031]

Hi Ashley

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. Believe me many people on here will have had really scary thoughts that feel really 'bad' (such as thoughts about harming their baby, their family or themselves) but it really isn't you, it is your illness, and it's nothing to feel 'bad' about - they are 'normal' if you have severe postnatal illness and it doesn't make you a bad person at all, you are just unwell. You aren't alone.

A staff member in the mother and baby unit told me that everyone has these intrusive thoughts from time to time (for example - excuse the graphic detail - when holding a knife a thought flashes across your mind that you could hurt yourself, or someone else, with it) but when you're well you don't get stuck on these thoughts, they just pass, but when we're unwell our mind kind of gets stuck on them. She told me a good way to deal with it rather than fight against them and say they're a really bad thought (easier said then done) is just to accept it and just say "oh look there's that intrusive thought again" even "oh hello intrusive thought" , and just accept it and somehow the power of the thought lessens. I know totally it's easier said then done, but maybe it's something to aim for?

If none of this is helpful please ignore...

I can't remember if we have posted this youtube video before either about intrusive thoughts. It may help you?

youtube.com/watch?v=_Wss6W1...(Not working as expected?)

You may need to copy and paste the link...

Also I really would recommend you contact someone (your doctor) as you are really struggling. It really sounds like you're not getting sufficient support. Tell your family how you're feeling so they can get help for you too.

Take care, we are all here for you X

[Ashley031 in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hello Ellie, thank so so much. Just reading what u said makes me feel a little better. The thoughts can be terrible and I feel like it's making me believe I want to but I know I would never ever him myself or anybody else especially my son. I love him with all my heart. I'm really glad I found this forum. All of you guys are wonderful.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Ashley031]

Hi Ashley, I'm glad what I wrote helped. That's lovely you feel so much love for your son, i think some mum's really struggle to bond too which is really awful. I found that it was my love for my son that made me fight so much to be well and got me through... i do hope your new doctor will help and like you said he will take your insurance. I can't believe the system you have in the USA (I think you are in America aren't you). We are so lucky to have universal healthcare in the NHS here. X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

Did you manage to see your doctor today? I can't really add much to Ellie's good advice and link. I had similar thoughts ..... I was a bad mother and other intrusive thoughts .... too traumatic to recall here.

It really is very important to get as much medical support as you can. As it mentions in the booklet, PP is a medical emergency. Recovery has a lot of ups and downs so you need plenty of professional care and attention.

Stay safe and take care.

[Ashley031 in reply to Lilybeth]

Hi lilybeth, I got a number today for a doctor. I just hope he takes me insurance. I just want to be happy again.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

You will be happy again ..... with the right care and treatment. I hope you can have help soon but in the meantime I'm glad your family are supporting you.

Take care.

[MichelleO]

If I was really stressed about the thoughts and just kept racing through like omg I can do this omg I don't want to do this I'm so crazy omg I can't sleep I'll kill him without knowing it omg omg omg it went on for months and eventually I would see flashing images in my mind of harming him in such horrid ways and flashing images of tools knives forks hammers everything you name it and I was just bumped up on OCD medication Zoloft and it's helping a lot plus just realizing everyday you get through it and that's what you have to remember you will always get through it thoughts are just thoughts I had to sing or hum in the beginning of recovery and actually swoosh it away with my hands. My mom tells me all the time to wake up wiggle your fingers and toes and say today will be a good day. And my warrior mom says to say I am fine I am In the moment and I even did a positive quote book one for every day and you will eventually be like omg im so happy because your so used to being down it's deff a new leaf. You can do it ! Ps I used to hate when people said that to me. Same as when people say you'll get through it I used to roll my eyes but now I see I wish I did everything and listened to everything you just have to believe in yourself good luck to you