Losing my mind/ fear : This post might... - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis
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Losing my mind/ fear

This post might be a little long but I’m hoping to get some support from people that have been in this place.

I genuinely feel like I’m losing my mind.

All cognitive abilities, forgetting who I am, my loved ones and forgetting where I am or being lost.

Though, none of this has happened, it doesn’t change the fact that it feels SO real and that I’m on the brink of it.

Please give me some advice, and has anyone on here ever felt this way?

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Dear dbeck128,

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry that you are struggling at the moment, What you describe sounds very scary. Have you been diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis. This site is mostly for Mums who have suffered PP and though they are similar each experience is unique. However, it seems that some of what you describe will be familiar to forum mums. I should say that I did not suffer PP myself, my daughter did. You can get better from this but you may need help.

Do you have supportive family or friends, don't be alone if you are frightened. Do see your doctor or health visitor, or if you have a psychiatrist, do speak to them and tell them what you are feeling.

I hope that you get the support you need. You will get more helpful replies from lovely Mums here on the forum.

Thinking of you.

Best wishes

Judith x

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Dear dbeck

I’m so sorry you’re struggling with such horrible and confusing thoughts. Have you been given a diagnosis of Postpartum Psychosis (a psychotic episode after having a baby)?

It’s really important you get the support you need. Do speak out and get support, from your doctor or mental health team. If you feel really unsafe you can go to emergency or dial 999.

I hope you get the support you need. You will get better, these thoughts won’t last forever.

Ellie

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Hello Dbeck, this is very frightening and will be making you feel vulnerable and somewhat out of control of your thoughts. You did well to write succinctly and convey your feelings.

Get your doctors help as soon as you can (GP to start), and it’s essential you tell him when it started , e g have you given birth recently?, had there been any major stressful event you can recall? Has this ever happened before ? Are you on any medication at present ? If you have periods of struggling with answers , you might like to write down a few facts before seeing him as this can be helpful if things go a bit “ woozy”!

Many people feel inhibited about discussing worrying thoughts but please don’t hesitate to tell your doctor who might refer you to a mental health team to get specific help eg if appropriate they may possibly suggest medication which can be very helpful , or other “ talking therapies”

Good luck . We know how you feel on this forum and you will recover as we have done .

Keep in touch, and look after yourself

Denise x

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I've been there! I felt like I had a really hard time with my new role as a mom, it was kind of an identity crisis. If you did go through psychosis, your brain needs time to heal as it's been damaged. I couldn't cook an egg, drive, even doing dishes! I never cleaned my floors for a year, it seemed to overwhelming. At family parties and holidays, I felt like I had nothing to say and doubted my worth and belonging. It took a year for me to feel capable again

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This. So. Much.

It feels lonely around family and friends. They dont understand and think i experienced baby blues/depression. They wonder why im quiet. What am i supposed to say? My brains still healing...

Im 14 months pp and 3 months removed from meds and in the last 2 months ive felt the stress building and started having delusions again. Going to seemy dr in a few hours to discuss.

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How are you today dbeck128?

Yes, we all have been struggling and being traumatised by this cruel illness.

Are you recovering from Post Partum Psychosis?

As Judith mentioned, we exchange and support each other, because of having experienced PPP, because of pregnancy, giving birth, but usually 2 weeks after birth.

Hope you will have a support network, no matter what your mental health challenges are.

Look after yourself

x

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Hello everyone.

I would like to mention I have been diagnosed PP.

I have 3 children.

But my youngest just turned 2 months.

My 2 second to youngest is 2.

So, it’s been a journey and a struggle. I am overwhelmed. It’s so much to take in. Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed..

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Hi dbeck128,

Thanks for writing again. It is really good you have found us.

I had PP in 2011 after the birth of my son, he was my first, and only child so I didn't have to cope with looking after other children as well. I too felt like you, very overwhelmed at times, and really struggled with depression after the psychotic episode, hardly being able to get out of bed.

It is really normal that you are struggling, and 2 months isn't long since being diagnosed. I was in a mother and baby unit with my son for nearly 4 months before I even went home to recover. It must be a lot coping with two other children as well.

I just wanted to make sure that you have seen our information on our website. We have a recovery guide which is free to download, which was written by families who have experienced PP and perinatal mental health clinicians and academics: app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

Do you have support around you? family and friends, and also professional support? I'm not sure if you are in the UK, but if you are in England I hope that you are being supported by a perinatal mental health team, specialised in supporting mum's who are mentally unwell after having a baby?

The most important thing to tell you though is that you really will get better. This is something I never thought would happen when I was in the middle of PP. I honestly thought I would never be myself again. You will come through this and get better.

You will find lots of support on this site, there are many of us who have been through what you have, and come through it.

Take care,

Ellie

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Dear dbeck, I hope you are feeling a bit easier, today you’re going through a tough time but it will get better .

As you have already been diagnosed with PP , as you said, perhaps you are in touch with your perinatal team ? Are they in touch with you at present? With a 2 month old baby and a 2 year old ( and a third child) you must be getting very tired indeed ; very likely you will be having wakeful nights with feeding baby then having to get going early for the other two ! It’s an exhausting time . Can you ask family or friends to help a little eg by taking your 2 year old for a walk in the afternoon while you and baby rest?

Having had PP I know how burdened you feel at home with the demands of a new baby not to mention looking after the others and the household , let alone the symptoms of PP which crop up even after discharge . You will recover for sure but while things are a struggle , do accept any offers to help from friends and family !

Take every opportunity you get to rest and catch up on sleep if you are having very little at night. When you have the energy a walk in the fresh air is helpful , too.

Don’t be too surprised if your recovery seems slow but you will gradually feel much better ; look after yourself and enjoy giving those beautiful children lots of love and cuddles !

Denise x

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Hello dbeck128,

thank you so much for finding the energy to respond and explain a bit more about your diagnosis.

Please, be reassured you are doing exceptionally well and as mentioned above there is light at the end. We all have survived and recovered from PPP.

We have a bunch of pretty amazing mums on this site, who can support each other, but also share happy moments.

You are in the early stages of recovery. Do not be too critical about yourself...allow yourself time for each task and all in stepping stones.

I was unwell in 2010 and sectioned. My first year was pretty vague and I was looked after by my partner full time, once I was released from hospital, I went on a therapeutic journey of recovery. I participated in support groups, art therapy, peer support, baby & mum groups, yoga, meditation, painting...all this helped me to get better...

Take care, we are here and listen...by the way I find journalising very helpful...

x

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Hi dbeck128

Good to meet you here and I hope you have found all the advice helpful. Recovering from PP has been described as a rollercoaster as some days are very up and down. It might not seem like it at the moment for you but it is a temporary and very treatable illness.

I had PP twice many years ago and can relate to not wanting to get out of bed some days! You are doing really well coping with your children and routine at home which can be overwhelming at times. I hope you have good support around you. Take care ... we are all here and understand.

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