Update

[Staceypx]

I'm having better days now in the mbu more and more. I've got a meeting Friday with everyone..psychiatrist, CPN, social worker and occupational therapist I think. To discuss discharge which I'm really anxious about. I don't know if I am ready, what if I go home and fall apart?

[AnneMR33]

Hi Stacy!

Glad discharge is in sight. It is totally normal to be anxious and make sure you voice it - I think they are used to mothers leaving the MBU feeling this way. Do you have an advocate with you at the meeting? I hope that together you come up with a care plan that is as stress-free and reassuring for you as possible.

Keep us posted and much love,

Anne x

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Staceypx really good to hear from you and to hear you are looking to discharge.

It's completely normal you have anxiety about going back home. I found it really anxiety provoking and was so scared of becoming unwell again, quite rightly . What I would say, from my experience, is that ideally it should be done gradually. For example one daytime at home but don't stay overnight, then an overnight stay, then a couple of nights, then a week etc. I wonder if you could request something like this? Maybe it's not possible but I think most mbu do this.

Do you know as well yet who will be supporting you at home? I wonder if they could come to the mbu and visit you, as well as visit you while you're at home. This never happened with me but I think it would have really helped me in the transition.

And be clear with them too about your personal situation at home, I know from what you have written before you have limited friends and family support. It's important they know that I think, if they don't already.

But stacey it's really fantastic, it shows how much strength you have had to fight and get well and get to this point, it's really amazing . I hope youre able to enjoy your daughter now too.

Take care and I hope others will write and give their experience too x

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hello Stacey

Lovely to hear you are having better days in the mbu. It's a very anxious time thinking about going home, I remember it well. I was in general psychiatric care so I'm not sure what the discharge plan is at the mbu. I first went home just overnight and back to the unit the next morning. Then I had an overnight stay and finally weekend leave. This all took a while and I had to be comfortable with going home for one night before moving on to the next phase.

I think Friday will be a good opportunity for you to admit that you're anxious about going home and if you don't feel ready it's best to tell them. It can be overwhelming to be sitting with so many professionals, I know I found it so. Perhaps you can write down your thoughts so that it will jog your memory when you are in the meeting?

You have done really well and the team there only want what's best for you, so tell them honestly how you feel. If you feel you're not ready they won't discharge you and will perhaps wait until they can put a plan in place to help you at home. You can't be expected to go home with your baby with no support in place.

You could even mention you are worried to a Nurse in the mbu before the meeting on Friday, so the team will be able to reassure and support you?

I know it feels like a step into the unknown as you have had the security of mbu care but you should be very proud to have come so far in your recovery.

Thinking of you ...... take care.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Staceypx, thanks for your update, good to hear that things are progressing well for you.

I just wanted to say that the anxiety you describe was absolutely what I felt too on going home. All the ideas and thoughts Ellie has shared I would really echo, including knowing your care team at home, how often you will see them etc. I also had a staggered approach to going home, building up to it, and it worked well for me. When at home, having help with practical things was really valuable for me too, things like finding out about what was going on locally, going out with me so I didn't have to face it alone, and really keeping an eye out.

I hope your meeting on Friday goes well and you continue moving forward with your recovery. Take care, xx

[Staceypx]

Thought I was getting better..nope night turned for the worst. They frigin gave me an injection in buttock. I was absolutely going mental. I don't what it evan was!!!! I want to know what they are giving me. I am so angry. I need to smash a window and escape!!

[Staceypx]

Don't know where my daughter is locked in my room again!!

[Staceypx]

What are they playing at!

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey I've just seen these messages. How are you now? Have you been able to talk to any of the staff about what happened and get some support and tell them how you feel about how you were supported. Have you seen your daughter again yet? I'm sorry you've had this blip, the experience sounds scary. But be reassured I had some wobbles before being discharged home, I was feeling really anxious. But it doesn't mean you're getting unwell again. It's just the ups and downs of recovery.

Do write whenever you want to let out anything you need to. Thinking of you. You are getting there. X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Sorry you had such an awful time ..... are you feeling any calmer now and have the staff explained why they did what they did yesterday? Was the meeting cancelled with everyone today when you were going to talk about going home? I hope you have had a better day today.

Thinking of you ... stay safe and take care.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope you are ok today.

Thinking of you .........

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Staceypx, thinking of you too, I hope the other night hasn't thrown you too much. I too remembering having times when I would "freak out" and I had no idea what was going on. Recovery is a very up and down time in my experience as well. I hope the weekend has been OK for you, take care, xx

[Staceypx]

The meeting is this Friday. They upped my trifluoperazine which seems to be working wonders! And they also took my phone off me for a few days! But the meeting is now this Friday coming xxx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Lovely to hear from you. Ever so pleased the medication is working .... makes all the difference doesn't it? I hope the meeting to plan your care for going home goes well. Make a list of all you want to ask in case you are overwhelmed sitting opposite your care team, as I used to be.

Stay safe and take good care. Thinking about you lots ..... xxx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey, great to hear from you. I'm really glad your increase in meds is having a good affect too... I do hope the meeting on Friday goes well, hope you don't feel too anxious.... I would just be really honest how you feel and what support you feel you need.

Thinking of you X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Thinking about you today ..... hope the meeting goes well.

Take care.

[Spaghetti]

hope it goes well today! X

[Staceypx]

The medication dose make all the difference yes! And the meeting went well. I said I would be more comfortable just going round mine for a few hours at first and then spend a day back and then a night and so on. They said they can do that for me so I'm going out of the unit on Monday for a walk and then on Tuesday going back to mine for a few hours! I'm terrified but know I can't stay in this mbu forever! Thanks for all your encouragement and support.

Also a girl called Katie with pp wants to come on here how can you get on here do you need accepted or something I can't remember?

[Staceypx]

It's like my memory has been taken away with pp?

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Staceypx

Lovely to hear from you and to hear you'll have gradual visits home. I have to say I had quite a bad relapse in terms of getting very anxious and then depressed because I'd had no visits home and they arranged for me to go home and said I could stay there. It just made me freak out. So gradual is definitely good to build your confidence. I got there in the end though. .. it's so good they feel you're ready to start the process!

So good you've been spreading the word of thus forum ☺you just need to click on the community and join, you don't need approval or to request to join so should be quite straightforward for the lady you met.

Take care stacey and I hope the slow visits home go well xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Really great to hear from you. I'm glad you were able to say what you think will work for you, it shows your confidence is building. I went home for a stay overnight at first ....slowly built up to a day and night and eventually a weekend of home leave but this took me a while. You seem to have a good plan and a walk out of the unit at first sounds a good idea.

I can relate to being worried about leaving the security of the MBU, although it was general mixed psychiatric care for me. Like you I made a few friends and at first I felt like a fish out of water when I went home ...... there was more than me and my son to think about and I did miss the unit. As I grew more confident though I looked forward to going home and was really happy to find my place again after a while. Don't worry, the MBU won't let you go home for good until you feel ready.

Taking things slowly and at your own pace is the key I think ....... so happy you have come so far. I'm sure you've been a great support to Kate.

I hope you have a good weekend ...... we're all here for you to lean on anytime.

Take care x

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Staceypx, great to hear your update! I too had gradual visits home and found it really helpful in building confidence. I hope it goes well for you too and that you have a relaxing weekend to prepare for it. Take care, xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope your walk out of the unit goes well today and isn't postponed due to the weather, although it might be sunny where you are ....

Thinking of you.

[Staceypx]

The walk went fine thankyou! We managed to go out while the rain was off. I'm more scared about going home for a few hours tomorrow!

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

HI Stacey,

Glad to hear that the walk went well. I do hope it goes well at home tomorrow. Try not to worry, maybe plan your time, what you will do while you're there? Remember it's only a few hours, and then you'll be back in the MBU again. It's just a slow process.

Do let us know how it goes whenever you want to. I hope it will feel nice to be back in your own environment... I remember going back home after about 2 months at the MBU it felt so strange but good to be back home... X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Good to hear that the walk was fine today. I'm not surprised you're scared about going home tomorrow ..... it's a big milestone for you to have achieved so you should be very proud of yourself. Try not to worry, step by step you can do this ..... we are all behind you.

Take care.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope your few hours at home went well today. I'm sure it's exhausted you so don't worry about replying, only if and when you feel like it.

Take care ..... xx

[Staceypx]

It went OK thankyou for asking I'm going home for a few hours again Saturday with the OT occupational therapist and we're going to tidy up abit as I left my place in a mess. I like the OT lady. Next week I'll be spending a few hours at home on my own with my daughter! X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Lovely to hear your few hours at home went ok ...... well done for coping. It's such a relief when you look back and know that you did it! I'm really pleased you like the OT lady and that you are going home again on Saturday with her. It's a bit exciting and scary to think about next week and being alone with your daughter but you are doing really well to take things slowly and in your own time.

Take good care of yourself and be very proud X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Thinking about you today going home to tidy up.

Wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of home.

Take care amazing mum. xx

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Staceypx, I hope your trip home went well. It's such a landmark and I hope you've been able to rest up a little and recover from it too, seems such a little thing to the outside world but I know how massive it was for me! Take care, xx

[Staceypx]

The tidy up went OK..I kept seeing spiders on the floor though think it's just a side effect of the medication I'm on. They want me to stop a few hours with my daughter on my own next. Then it will be a night and two then it won't be long until I'm discharged! X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Good to hear the tidy up went OK although not sure about seeing spiders on the floor. Did you mention it to your OT lady? You're really making progress now and it won't be long before you're home for good ..... but only when it's comfortable for you, no rush.

Thinking of you, take care. xx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Staceypx

That's really odd I'm sure I replied to you yesterday. I'm glad your visit home went well. Did you tell any if the staff etc about seeing spiders on the floor? I would think it's important they know that I imagine.

Really hope you're few hours home goes well, you've made such amazing progress!! Do you know yet who will be supporting you when you get back home?

Take care xx

[Staceypx]

I will be having my OT supporting me at home mostly and occasionally a CPN. I did tell my OT about the spiders I see them everywhere. They want me to stop over Sunday night. I'm not sure if it's being rushed too much. I'm a bit scared about stopping a night on my own with my daughter. Thankyou x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I think if you're not comfortable stopping over you should tell your OT as you seem to have a good understanding with her. My return home was much more gradual and slower than yours seems to be. Going from a day tidying up to a night on your own with your daughter in such a short space of time is very quick.

I'm sure if you tell someone in the care team how you honestly feel they will be able to reassure you and change the plan. You have come such a long way and it would be good if you could take things in your own time for now.

Take care ..... thinking of you.

[Staceypx]

They want to get me out. I have been in here forever! Probably the longest stay! They've thought about putting me in a m&b shared house kind of thing. St.basils do things like that with support off them and obviously still my OT and CPN. I think that will be better because I hate the thought of not having anyone around. I'm not stopping at home tonight I told my OT I didn't want to be alone back home overnight and she sorted it X

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Staceypx, good to hear your update.

It's really positive that you could say you didn't feel comfortable alone and that your professional support is responsive to that. I think after a long stay in hospital, it can be difficult to then adjust to being elsewhere, so what you describe sounds like it could work well for you.

I hope that things continue to go well for you, take care, xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I'm glad you were supported well by your OT and weren't pressured to go home last night. I hope the suggestions of your care team are helpful. I think having the ongoing input of your OT and CPN is a good idea if you are considering their plan.

Take care.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope you are having a good week.

Thinking of you ..... take care.

[Staceypx]

I'm having a very low night been crying on and off for a couple of hours. Was very high just before I didn't know who I was! They're saying this is my bipolar now and I'm out of pyschosis. They want me to go into a general psychiatric ward now without my daughter while they work on getting me into St.basils mother and baby shared house.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Staceypx]

Hi Stacey

I'm so sorry you have had a low night. It's not surprising given the news about where you could be going next etc. Change can be hard.

Have they said why you have to go on a general psychiatric ward while you wait for a shared house? I imagine you must be feeling really worried about that?

How do you feel generally about the St Basils accommodation? It sounds like potentially it would be really good as you would continue to get support as you grow in confidence as a mum, as I know that you are on your own? I imagine this would really help you to get well and get the support you need. It does sound like they are going to find you the ongoing support you need.

How are you feeling today? I'm thinking of you and hoping you're having an OK day today X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

So sorry to hear you were upset Stacey, I hope you were able to sleep eventually. It must be worrying to think you might have to go into general psychiatric care without your daughter. Isn't it possible for your OT lady to speak up so that you can stay in the MBU where you feel safe with your daughter until they can sort out the shared house for you? Tell your OT how upset you have been so she knows what a worry this is for you.

Take care .... I'll be thinking of you today.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope you have been ok today and that you feel more settled if you had a chance to see your OT lady.

Stay safe and take good care of yourself.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Staceypx I wonder too how you are? I agree with lilybeth is there someone you can talk to who you trust, your OT etc, and tell her how it is affecting you the thought to be separated from your daughter. It doesn't seem right. Someone who may be able to advocate for you staying with your daughter? Would you have regular contact with your daughter on the general ward? Have they said anything about that?

Take care stacey really hoping the best thing works out and a place becomes available at St basil's really quickly. Xx

[Staceypx]

I'm just waiting to hear when I can go and view this shared house. I can stay in the mbu until I move into St.basils mother and baby shared house. So that's good x

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Staceypx]

Ah that's great to hear you can stay at the mbu... I thought it wasn't right you would have to go on a general ward. I hope you hear about St basil's soon. And I hope you're feeling a bit less anxious now. Take care xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Really pleased to hear that you can stay in the mbu, what a relief!! Hopefully you won't have too long to wait to see what the shared house is like. So glad that things are going your way now Stay positive and strong ...... we are all with you. x

[Staceypx]

I'm going to view this mother and baby shared house with St.basils on Monday! X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

So pleased to hear from you. I'll be keeping everything crossed for Monday and I hope the shared house will be just what you need to build your confidence again.

You're such a star how you have coped with everything xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Thinking about you today.

Take care xx

[Staceypx]

I'm moving in on Friday!! Out of here!! Yes yes yes x

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Staceypx, great to read your update, I hope that plans are going well for the move. Take care and we are all thinking of you, xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Great news ..... really pleased for you We'll be thinking of you and will still be here anytime you need us. xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

One more night before you leave ....... packing up and moving on tomorrow

You are such a star to have come this far!!!! We're all thinking of you. xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope everything went to plan today and you are settling into your new temporary home. It must have been an exhausting day for you so perhaps you can have a good sleep tonight.

We are all thinking of you. Take care xx

[Staceypx]

Aw Lily that's so nice to say!! I'm settling in okay. I'm not really saying much which seems a bit strange but maybe I'm thinking it's the transition of coming out of the mbu for so long into a house. Without you lady's I wouldn't have done it. You all have been so amazing and kind xx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Staceypx]

Hi Staceypx It was lovely to read your update. We were all thinking of you the day you moved and hoping it was going OK? 😊how have you settled in? I'm not surprised you were feeling quiet, moving into new place with new people.

I really hope things go well for you now and you continue to recover, you've been through so much! xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Lovely to hear from you Stacey and that you are okay. I think you're doing really well coping with everything your illness has thrown at you. I think you're right that it's the transition of leaving the security of the mbu and finding your feet with a new routine. I was a bit like a fish out of water too when I left general psychiatric care after so long and went into a house ..... so much more to take in isn't there? Just give yourself time ..... you've been through so much and should be very proud.

We all think you're the amazing one and are all with you and wishing you well. xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope you are settling in and have support around you.

We are all with you. Take care.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope you have had a good week. Thinking of you ......

Take care.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Hope you are settling in ....... thinking of you.

Take care.

[Hidden]

Dear Stacey,

each stepping stone helps you to gain back your independence. The transition from Psychiatric unit to home was the beginning of my recovery.

I still struggle with new environments and strangers, but when I overcome my inner worries and practise a new event, activity or area, I am pleased to have extended my horizon that little bit further again.

Thinking of you,

Sabine x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Just letting you know we are all thinking about you. Don't worry about replying, just as long as you are ok.

Take very good care of yourself.