Hello everyone,
I'm back again. I got post-partum psychosis again and was sectioned on a MABU for 3 weeks this time. The illness was worse this time and I've been diagnosed as bi-polar.
My son is now 7 weeks old and I feel so confused and down. I am taking Olanzipine 15mg and have now been prescribed Sertraline to help with low mood.
Can anybody relate to how flat everything feels and why I feel stuck in a rut?
Best wishes to you all x
Hi alexandrarose,
Good to hear from you although I am sorry to hear that PP struck again and you have spent 3 weeks in an MBU. Congratulations too on your little boy. I hope you are getting good support now, are you home?
The feelings of being down and confused may well be due to you still processing the PP episode and also perhaps your bipolar diagnosis, which may have come as a bit of a shock to you. I'm sure you will have seen them already but the APP Guides, including on Recovery can be found here and might give you some info: app-network.org/what-is-pp/... There is also one produced in collaboration with Bipolar UK, whose website might give you further info: bipolaruk.org
I also took after Olanzapine after my PP and it certainly affected me in the way you describe, even though it was the anti-psychotic which did bring me out of the worst of the illness and probably kept me on the road to recovery.
When I reduced and came off the meds, I definitely noticed that I felt less flat or dulled. My Dr described it as "chemically flattened" as it was related so strongly to the way I felt. I know it's a cliche, but you are still in the early days and in time you will feel stronger and less stuck in the rut you describe. It helped me to try and focus on achieving one thing each day, even if it was just to wash my hair or go for a walk around the block with my baby, when the days felt so repetitive.
Be kind to yourself though, and give yourself chance to rest and heal. Take care, we are all thinking of you, xx
Hello alexandrarose
I'm really sorry to hear PP has struck again. It's such a shame that the joy of having your son can be diminished by such an illness. It's not surprising that you feel flat and low as you have been through so much in the past seven weeks. Having a baby is stressful in itself but having to cope with PP and the added diagnosis of bipolar must be very draining for you.
I haven't much to add to the good advice from Hannah. I hope you have a good ongoing care plan in place. I had PP twice many years ago and can remember being so disappointed that it had happened again, missing the very early days with my son. I did eventually recover ..... I think you need to give yourself time to settle in with your new baby and surround yourself with support.
It's not easy for you at the moment but you will feel better. Wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of home and take good care.
We are all here for you.
I'm sorry I don't have much advice but I just wanted to say you are not alone. I got discharged last week from a mbu after a 13 week stay. I also have bipolar. I feel like everyday is groundhog day, there never seems to be any let up from the constant feeling of anxiety, churning in my stomach and at times regret. This feeling is the worst as my baby is perfect and I know how lucky I am.
I'm being discharged by the perinatal team here in 2 weeks too which I don't understand. They are incredibly short staffed and I'll be going into the normal cmht because my bipolar is not perinatal related.
I just wanted to say that you are not alone x
Hello alexandrarose,
I am sorry for your struggles and that you have to experience PPP for the second time.
I have not had PPP twice nor have I been diagnosed with bi-polar, but understand the ups and downs, even though my case is completely different and more related now to my 'menstrual cycle' and psychotic moments. (Some experts define it as menstrual psychosis)
When struck with PPP I simply can not remember much, but the type of medication (different to yours) eventually helped to get rid of the Psychosis. Even when out of psychiatric mixed gender hospital I was very much like a vegetable and had to re-learn skills. My partner was my full time carer for 6 months and then went back part time...and I consciously could start working on my own recovery again, but most importantly being able to look after my son.
I treasure life, my now 6 yr old boy and my wonderful partner, who still helps me loads, when life creates obstacles.
Wishing you well and I hope professionals and loved ones will help you to create the support network, in order for you to gain strengths emotionally and physically.
Sabine x
Hi Alexandra Rose
Am sorry to hear PP struck twice with you. I am pregnant with my second child and just praying it stays away.....I was on Olanzapeine 20mg and Sertraline 200mg when I was discharged from hospital 8 weeks after my daughter was born. I went into a deep depression following my episode of PP, I remember I hated being on the medication. The olanzapeine left me feeling exhausted, all I wanted to do was sleep, and totally flat and detached from life and from my daughter. I didn't really care about anything.... I remember thinking I felt like such a zombie. I really think it is such a horrible drug because of the side effects but it is the drug that worked for me so I stayed on it. My psychiatrist gradually reduced me down off it over a year. I really do hope that the sertraline kicks in soon and it helps your moods, I am still on 200mg as my husband got very sick and depression kicked in again. I'm here if you ever want to chat and your feelings are normal but I promise things will get better in time. Just take each day at a time xx
Hi Alexandra Rose,
I too take Olanzapine and was on 15mg. I can totally relate to the way you describe it. PPP is so horrible and so hard. I'm so very sorry you have had to go through it twice. Congratulations on the birth of your son and I really hope you are getting support. Please know that you will come through this. Sending every best wish to you at this time xx
Hello alexandra rose
Just wondering if things are any easier for you? I hope the medication is helping to lift your mood. As you know it takes a lot of effort to get back on your feet so just take your time and don't rush to be well. With my second PP I wore my "I'm fine" face to family and friends but I really wasn't.
Hopefully the supportive replies here have been helpful. It makes such a difference when other mums understand doesn't it? We are all here for you.
Take good care and rest when you can.
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