Flashbacks

[Bindy7]

Does anyone deal with flash backs from their pychosis? I constantly have memories and intrusive thoughts about my pychosis. I think because it was so traumatic.

[EMTmom4]

I deal with this. Mine was also beyond traumatic, so it does make sense. I still can't understand why something so awful happened to me. I compare it to a traumatic injury. The flash backs and intrusive thoughts are starting to fade. Hugs.

[Bindy7 in reply to EMTmom4]

Would you mind saying how? Were you hospitalized? How was your recovery?

[EMTmom4 in reply to Bindy7]

I was not hospitalized. Not sure how but we were able to avoid it. We went to a private psychiatrist and I was treated at home while my husband looked after me for 3 weeks. Every second was like an eternity of torture. Once stable, I was on medication for 9 months along with private therapy 3 times a week for months. When I went off of my medication I unfortunately relapsed but just went through it on my own. I was adamant to not be on medication, as I was really too sensitive to be on it in the first place. It has taken me over a year to heal on my own but I'm mostly back to 100%. I still have a little anxiety but am finally able to sleep 7-8 hours every night, no longer have anxiety going out and only a little when talking to people. I still require a lot of rest but no longer fear my days. I am attempting to go back to school for a bachelors degree even! I despise that I lost so much time, especially of what should have been the happiest time of my life and the flashbacks have been so hard to get over. My PPP literally effected every cell of my body and even little tasks were enormously difficult. I used to not even be able to go to the grocery store but am now able to confidently go everywhere with my children by myself.

[Bindy7 in reply to EMTmom4]

Are you in the US? It's such a long road. What medications did you take?

[EMTmom4 in reply to Bindy7]

Yes the US, which mental health care is a joke. I was on seroquel for 1 month then fluexotine for 9. I have been off of medication for 2 years now 😊

[Bindy7 in reply to EMTmom4]

I thought so! Me too. It's a freakin joke you are soooo right!

[Bindy7 in reply to EMTmom4]

What were your symptoms? I felt like I was in a dream world....floating and just could NOT sleep, racing thoughts anxiety like I have never ever had before, it was all really hard to handle. I ended up in a private testament center, but that was out of pocket and expensive.

[EMTmom4 in reply to Bindy7]

Oh I can't even imagine how expensive that must have been! I had very similar experiences. Everything looked fake and like a dream world, I couldn't sleep more than an hour or two a night. Flashing lights in my vision, tinnitus, severe anxiety over everything. I mean like terror and restlessness. It was horrific. Strange visions and flashbacks of my life, would wake up with indescribable anxiety and not able to breathe. It was really like something dark entered my mind. I had no appetite, couldn't even watch TV. It's really hard to adequately put into words but kind of like the most god awful acid trip. Also racing thoughts for sure.

[EMTmom4 in reply to EMTmom4]

I also thought I was the worst sinner in the world and was going to hell forever. I thought I had so many diseases/conditions/cancer. So much happened and I've actually started to forget, thank god! What the hell causes such an awful thing? I'll never understand it.

[Bindy7 in reply to EMTmom4]

Exactly it!!!! What area of the US are you in?

[deana07087]

I do have reminders of my psychosis but I tune them out with new memories. Since I'm always reading and finding out new things in life. I make it my mission to forgive myself first and then help myself along the way.

[bluestarlady]

Well done you for getting this far. I too have constant reminders of my psychosis - from the horrors of thinking I was going to die- to small reminders in everyday objects (I was obsessed with what products even like shampoo bottles looked like and whether they were 'good' or 'evil') and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to erase that and even now won't buy anything that is black. I have to say it has faded with time and I have used CBT techniques to remind myself that things are just everyday normal and usual and are not harmful or meaning that I'm becoming ill again. Take care of yourself and give yourself some compassion for what you have been through. X

[Hidden]

I am so pleased that I know it is not just me and to be able to share the traumatic experiences with women on this forum. Even though having had plenty of support from Somerset Partnership via a wonderful care-coordinator (social worker), which I just do not want to let go off, I do not feel that compassion was given. You only can hold hands, if you actually suffered what we've been through. For the first time in my life I feel understood, because volunteers and other mums have been on a long recovering road with ups and downs.

I love my life and love my big and small men and so happy to be alive. Life goes on, but I believe Psychosis has put me onto a very different path and my partner has been with me all the way, which I am so grateful for.

Take care lovely ladies and believe in yourselves...we maybe hyper sensitive, but much stronger...we are survivors...