Hello, please can someone reach out to me. I had PP 3 years ago with the birth of my son. I have had a relapse yet the triggers seem a lot more real second time around. I feel like I am pregnant again but I know I am not as I have taken a test.
My hallucinations and delusions seem so real. I am 3 weeks into the psychosis. The meds seem to be kicking in now. But it’s all so frightening as I am at a mental health ward. I feel I can change and adapt to this new world I am living in. I’m back on olanzapine which I am not too thrilled about but I know it will get me better like last time. If I could chat to anyone that would be great. Least I know I am not alone in my own thoughts and beliefs.
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Good to hear from you .... you’re definitely not alone in your own thoughts and beliefs. I’m so very sorry to hear you have relapsed. I had PP many years ago and relapsed so I can understand how frightening and real the hallucinations and delusions feel.
It’s good that you have insight to know the medication will get you better, as it did last time. I was under mixed general psychiatric care and there were other patients on the mixed ward with a range of mental health issues. So it took a while for me to settle there.
I hope you’re not too far from home for family and friends to visit. Perhaps you have a small token of something which reminds you of home? Take your time to be well and keep talking to the professionals so they know how you feel. You will recover but we all understand how hard it must be for you at the moment 🌻
dear Likes_books - welcome back to the forum. I’m sorry to hear you’re unwell again and currently on a mental health ward, but it’s great you’ve had a couple of years of good health up to now. There is always a bright side!
it’s great the medications are starting to work, and that you are safe. It also sounds like you’ve got good insight into your symptoms and triggers. For me my triggers are getting overly stressed / overcommitting myself and not sleeping enough. I have a diagnosis of bipolar (I don’t know if this is the case for you?) and have had a subsequent (very short) psychotic episode that wasn’t related to anything baby-related. Luckily I didn’t need an admission to hospital but it was really scary nonetheless. I can only imagine how frightening it all might be for you at the moment.
Please know that we are all here for you, and you are not alone. Reach out anytime. Maybe try and find some things you can do on the ward or on the Occupational Therapy department to pass the time, and distract you from the scary thoughts. It might also be helpful to keep some sort of journal? You’ll be able to look back and see how much you have achieved and overcome. You are an absolute warrior, and you are doing brilliantly.
I'm sorry to hear you've experienced a relapse and are currently in a mental health ward. I'm so glad you've reached out to us here, you're not alone and we're all here to listen.
It's really good to hear that you can feel the medication has started to kick in and that you know it will get you better - you've got through this before and will get through it again 💜
You've had some lovely suggestions already and I hope you can feel more settled on the ward with some items from home and some gentle activities that help you relax and pass the time.
I hope you continue to see improvements now the meds are taking effect. Keep reaching out to staff and write here any time.
just to let you know that you are not alone. I am pleased you have reached out to this forum. Mums are so kind and understanding and none judgmental. I felt understood and being listened to.
I can resonate with your experience as I was sectioned. I remember journalising and taking part in therapeutic sessions, when well enough.
Like KatG I have had psychotic experiences 3 yrs after PPP throughout my recovery, because of stressors. Eventually I was diagnosed with Bipolar.
I am pleased appropriate meds has been found for you and you can feel that it is going to take effect.
You will improve gradually. We are always here for you, if you want to reach out.
Thank you for reaching out to me. I’m still not myself and overthinking which is all very overwhelming. I tend to repeat myself a lot too and question my own sanity.
I have been in the hospital 3 weeks now but I’m feeling more myself which is good. I need the good people round me and the support of yourselves to get me through each day.
Hope to report back when I’m discharged and see how my mind is feeling at the time. X
I remember how exhausting it is to be overthinking and questioning everything, I hope you can find ways to help you relax a bit when things get overwhelming.
It's really good that you're feeling more yourself. Lean on all of the support around you, and write here as much as you'd like to.
Lovely to hear from you. I think sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to be ‘up and over it’ without realising what a trauma psychosis is and the control it has on our thoughts and feelings. It is very overwhelming.
I have read from my notes that in ward reviews it took a long time for me to get to the point of what I wanted to say, repeating myself and going round in circles! So I can relate to questioning your sanity.
We are definitely all here to support you through your days and beyond discharge if it’s helpful. For now, be kind to yourself and lean on the support around you. We are here for you. 🌻 xx
My name is Ellie, I'm one of APP's peer support coordinators.
I just wanted to reply to you, as I have been through a similar experience to yourself recently. Around Christmas / New year I had a relapse, 11 years after I had PP. I was very physically unwell with a virus and chest infection, which resulted in lack of sleep etc and which led to the relapse.
I was in a mental health ward too and very poorly. But I've come through it. I'm back on Olanzapine as well, which I'm actually feeling ok on. Just thankful it helped me get better!
You will come through it, and feel yourself again. It sounds like you are already getting better which is great. I hope you can rest in the unit, I know it can be quite boring at times. Maybe doing some small things that you enjoy? I liked reading, writing my journal, and sketching when I was in the unit.
Take care, and I hope the support you've received here is helpful.
Thanks for reaching out. I have been discharged from the hospital and now at home (mum’s house for the interim). Gives me comfort having my family around me and help with my 3 year old.
I have bipolar as well so it was a relief to know what I have been diagnosed with. I kept searching for answers and it made me go round in circles with the racing thoughts.
I’m about 60% there so still a way to go!
Thanks so much for being here to offload. It has helped. X
That's great news that you have been discharged from hospital and have that family support and comfort around you as a transition home.
It's also good to hear that having a diagnosis of bipolar has helped with some unanswered questions, yes I can imagine it must be quite a relief when you've been searching for answers like that.
All positive steps, there may still be a way to go but don't forget how far you've come
Hello, I can relate to everything you have said. I had the psychosis with both my children and now I am in the menopause and have suffered a further 6 episodes. It is just like you are having an out of body experience, some days you know what is happening even though you have these intrusive thoughts. It is extremely worrying when you go through this period, but I can safely say I have always come out the other side in about 5 to 6 week's. I know it is a imbalance in my brain and feel for you. Try to look back in your life and pick something that made you happy, this will encourage your brain to heal. Be patient it will not happen over night and be kind to yourself , hang on in there it will get better. Take care. X
Hi Chesterjackson, just wanted to thank you for your lovely words of hope and support despite the unsettled time you have been going through during menopause. This is something I know lots of us identify with as we move through the perimenopause and menopause journey... Not sure if you've seen them already, but we put together some resources for people with experience of PP during menopause which are on our website here app-network.org/what-is-pp/...
Thanks for this and your kind words. It really does help me. I feel I am split personality. And out of body experience. I try to be brave and strong for my child. It really is so hard and at times I feel so weak but I know I will get better. That’s why I survived last time. Professional help and also support from family & friends seems to be my way out of this nightmare.
Just wondering how you are. I hope the professional help and support from family and friends is making things a little easier. I imagine being diagnosed with bipolar is a daily challenge as it is for some mothers of courage here like you.
As you say, it’s so hard at times but slowly you will find your place again, as you did before. I had psychosis twice and it was a nightmare but gradually with medication and interventions I had more good days than not so good. Perhaps you might find a distraction in the BBC Headroom mental health toolkit at bbc.co.uk/headroom with relaxing meditation or music.
Be kind to yourself and take care.. We are all here to listen 🌻
Hello Lilybeth, thanks for reaching out. I’m doing a lot better and trying to stay positive when I can. What happened to me was just an out of body experience. I was in such a bad way but I knew I needed the professional help. I’m trying to understand myself and the triggers so that I don’t get poorly again.
Just having another platform to open up to reach out to those having their own experiences is comforting. Thanks so much for all your kind words and being compassionate to me. X
So good to hear you are doing a lot better after being in such a bad way. I think we have to be mindful of triggers which can take us back when we are trying to move forward.
The forum is a great safe space to reach out to and I was also comforted years ago when other mums here shared their similar experiences with me. It was such a relief to ‘talk’ openly and be understood.
Perhaps when you are feeling more confident you might like to go to an APP cafe group if there is one nearby? I have been to a few now and meeting other lovely PP mums at different stages in their recovery was so reassuring and special. You can find info about the regional groups at app-network.org/peer-support.
Take good care of yourself and lean on the support around you ... one step at a time. We all understand and are here for you. 🌹
I was in touch with you a while ago. I hope your recovery is going well.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar eight years after PPP. Over the years I have developed my own toolkit and it is working for me. It takes a while to identify triggers and implement strategies.
After a while you will be able to tune into your body and checking out what coping mechanisms work and do not work. I am continuously recovering with my highs and lows. It gets easier, because one uses a kit out of the tool box...mine has a variety on offer according to my needs.
I mood track, journalise, paint, self healing via Reiki, yoga and walking, volunteering, tons of decorating is good for my soul, gardening, peer supporting etc...
My son is 12 now, but when he was a toddler or in primary we did most of the learning and exploring together, that helped me tremendously.
Recovery is quite a personal journey, but remember you are never on your own. Figuring out what is best for you, can only be identified by you. Your voice matters and professional, family and friends all can contribute to make sure what is best for your needs...and work with you in a collaborative way.
Learning to say no was probably one of the most difficult tasks to accomplish or just to be able to speak up. Because when poorly I tend to retreat into my own shell. Communication is not just based on verbalisation.
I am not competing nor am I bothered about other people's expectations and often keep social media at a bear minimum...gosh there is so much to do and to learn and you will find your own path in balancing your mental health. Maybe it is also quite important to highlight that I am very selective in people who I call friends, who accept my directness, honesty and authenticity.
Hello Likes_books I am so sorry to hear that. I was on a general ward when I had psychosis and in an MBU the second time. I had delusions and paranoia but only very slight hallucinations.It can feel like a frightening place but it's definitely the right place to get well again. I always felt that if I could deal with being in the acute ward, then I could deal with the outside world.
Following my experiences, I now work on acute wards, sometimes they are disruptive but other times they are peaceful. 99% of the staff have one goal and thatvis getting you better.
It may not feel like it, but you are in the right place. Sending love.
Your post was some time ago now, so there may be an update x
Hi everyone to all who responded. Your messages have given me the hope and courage I need to carry on despite being in such a dark and scary place. I’m learning so much about my diagnosis and myself as I really thought I would not have a relapse on psychosis as we were not planning to have more children. The shock is the fact I did still get it from a lot of stress and the build up on getting less and less sleep.
I am now 2 weeks in since being discharged and I do feel a lot better and days are more positive than negative. I still have some down days and I was quite disheartened to be on olanzapine as it does make me sluggish and I put on weight last time. I am trying to counteract that by eating healthily and doing exercise. If my mind and body allow me to! I’m really fighting this but inside I do have struggles and my confidence has been knocked.
I love to read so I am trying to gain a better understanding but my brain tends to wander at times so it has sent me to read up to 8 books at a time which I know isn’t helpful as information overload!! I’m hoping to get therapy now and regular visits and chats with my care coordinator. Thanks again and it’s wonderful to be able to chat on this forum and another platform for people to reach out to when at a low point in their lives. It really helped me and gave me hope.
I’m on the mend and can now see myself being happy again with my husband and son. Thanks all xx
Hi Likes_books it sounds like you are doing so well, considering everything you have been through recently, and only discharged home for 2 weeks. I had good days and not so good days after I was discharged but I have to say I have felt more and more myself, and gained more confidence as more time passed, I hope it will be the same for you.
I am back on Olanzapine too, and I know what you mean about feeling a bit sluggish, and wanting to eat a lot. I am telling myself it hopefully won't be permanent, but that I just need it at the moment. It's so good you are doing some exercise when you can, I need to do more!
I hope you can find full joy in your reading, it's always such a great escape. I'm reading a biography about Bruce Springsteen (one of my passions) at the moment, and it's giving me a lot of joy and escapism I find writing a journal helpful, and doing some art / sketching, just to help me be in the moment.
Hoping you continue to feel more and more yourself, I'm so glad you reached out here, to speak to others who have been through similar.
It’s good to read you feel a lot better since being discharged. I hope therapy and regular visits from your care co-ordinator will be helpful. Be kind to yourself and take care 🌻
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Had a second child and no PPP
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