Triggers and Happy 2016

[K8Stack]

I am getting better about dealing with Triggers when they sneak into my life. Ie: Friends having 2nd babies , all the Pro Breastfeeding post/comments (I do support however a mother feeds a child, just still hurts a little that I could not BF because of PP), and some strange other ones like the smell of Formula.

Most days are easy and fun with Little Man and PP floats into a different time and stays there for a while.

Until I receive the Life Insurance premium bill. I don't know if this exist in the UK but here in the US we pay for Life Insurance (just like car and home). it is meant to help with expenses if you pass away. So my rate is still high because of PP. So every time I receive this bill I am reminded of the reason my rate is so high and it Stings all over again. Come August it will be 5 years and in the US you can be reviewed again and have a better rate because they remove PP from your Life Insurance paper work.

I just took a deep breath! That felt so good to type that and let others know!

We PP mamas are strong! Stinks that society and laws keep testing us even after the trauma is over.

Thank You all for letting me post here! I hope 2016 brings us all some peace.

Scatter Kindness

Kate

[Swirl121]

Hi Kate,

Hope you had a lovely Christmas and new year with your family.

I too understand what you mean about triggers. Sometimes you know them before you see them so you can brace yourself but it's when they come out of the blue that it hits hard - like when a friend announces suddenly over dinner "I'm pregnant!". You are genuinely happy for them but it cuts deep as you imagine they will have the joy filled experience you didn't have. And I know what you mean about seeing other mums breastfeeding - I used to feel ashamed to pull out the bottle when I was in the company of other mums feeling like they would judge me to be a bad mother because I used formula (this is a common thought where I am from in the UK). I used to feel that I so wanted to explain that I honestly tried my very best but I (still) need to learn to be at peace with what happened. I wish I knew how to do that properly! I think it is a journey...! Yes we are not too familiar with some life insurances or health insurance so much in the UK although they do exist. I did have my driving liscence temporarily removed when I was ill then was issued a temporary one after I left hospital which covered me for a year, after which my psychiatrist needed to write to them confirming I have recovered so my old liscence could be reinstated....only I don't live in the UK anymore so can't get that letter meaning at the end of next month, my driving liscence is canceled and to get it again, I need to resit my test again (not cheap!). It's amazing how the effects of pp can be felt even after you recover but it's so nice that we have each other to support one another. We are in it together. Xx

[K8Stack in reply to Swirl121]

That stinks about the license! I am sorry you had to go through all of that!

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator in reply to Swirl121]

Hi Swirl121, I wanted to share with you my experience of the DVLA, which I posted about a year or so ago: healthunlocked.com/app-netw...

I know you mentioned you're not in the UK at the moment but this might be helpful for you if and when you return. It was a pretty frustrating experience for me, but it does have a happy ending, so I hope it's useful for you too.

Take care, xx

[Vee82]

Hi Kate,

Lovely to hear from you and all the best for 2016 to you too.

Your post about triggers struck a chord with me to particularly about the breast feeding. Having to give up breast feeding to take the medication was so hard, the guilt and feelings of inadequacy stayed with me for a long time, paticularly when I was in the company of other Mums. I didn't attempt to breast feed the second time for fear of getting PP again and needing medication. This of course triggered even more guilt.

Following the birth of my second child, I remember one paticular midwife, called across a 4 bedded unit, while doing the medicine round, 'and why aren't you breast feeding? ' I was so indignant that I retorted back that I had peuperal hypomania after the birth of my first child and chose not to feed in case I required medication. That shut her up, she locked the medicine trolley and came over to talk to me, apparently she remembered me the first time and knew something was wrong. Shame it wasn't picked up, may have saved being sectioned for 8 weeks and and much heartache afterwards.

Anyway funny how your post triggered that memory. I had my 'episode' over 30 years ago and only recently discovered this wonderful forum. I've never been able to talk about it before and have found the forum so liberating. Certainly haven't dwelt on it but has always been a very painful episode in my life.

You are so right about PP mamas being strong as I've mentioned in a previous post, if we survive the onslaught of PP we can survive what ever life throws at us and the best thing of all we have our beautiful children.

Take care Kate. Vee xx

[K8Stack in reply to Vee82]

Thank You for Sharing!! And Pooh to that Nurse way back when! Glad you found this Forum!!

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Kate,

I'm in the UK so don't have the health insurance experience to share, but I can completely relate to your frustration in this!

When I had PP in 2009, I had to give up my driving license, like Swirl121. I was without it for about 6 months, then had to reapply and got a temporary one for a year. I then had to reapply, only to get another for 1 year, then the next for 2 years. I was soooo annoyed about this - and am going to put the link to the post I wrote on this in reply to Swirl121 above, to hopefully give her some further information (and hope)... as I did get my license back permanently in 2014, years later. I felt so discriminated against, it was so unfair that I knew there were people on the road who were self-declaring that they were fine to drive through age or illness, and probably weren't, yet I had to put my life in the hands of the government agency and psychiatrists to make a decision on my driving capabilities, years after being ill. It made me so cross!

We also had to renew the life insurance for our mortgage a few months after I'd been ill with PP and the premium really shot up. It's only quite recently that it's come down, I think PP is such a misunderstood illness. Especially so that I have no other diagnosis and have been well before and ever since.

I know what you mean about the triggers too, I found this with other friends announcing pregnancies and feeling sad or even a little jealous that I wasn't having another baby after a year or two. Instead, I had a 2nd child 4 years after PP and luckily kept well and after a struggle with getting the right mental health input in case I had needed them, and to make plans, I was fortunate to not experience any other negativity. Midwives were luckily very supportive of me choosing not to breastfeed, but there is such a drive to it still and I personally think that it's not for everyone, and I couldn't do it, so does that make me a worse mum than someone who did? Of course not, but society's expectations of motherhood can be so unrealistic.

I'm glad it felt good to type out your post, I find having a place to "mind dump" has been helpful for me too. Sorry for the slight waffle of this reply, all the very best to you too in 2016 and beyond. Take care, xx

[jessieh APP]

Hi K8stack,

Nice to hear from you again, thank you for your message. I too find these triggers difficult, though it gets easier over time.

I'm in the UK so I'm very fortunate to have the NHS here. I'm sorry to hear about life insurance, that really does stink and I'm glad to hear it will be removed soon.

All the best for 2016.

Lots of love,

Jessie x