No MBU around me :(

So, I just got out of the ER and was diagnosed with simple depression, but I know its more than that. I have breaks from reality where I think nothing is real, and that I imagined everything. When I don't feel that way, I feel euphoric that I'm "all better". I am currently on Sertraline 50 mg. I have my first psych appointment tomorrow and I believe I need to be admitted. I am terrified to be around my babies (5 weeks and 22 months) I just want to feel better and know that everything is real again. I don't even think the medications or doctors are real when I experience those feelings. This was all triggered from seeing (or thinking I saw) my ceiling fan move at one week postpartum, and since then it has been a downhill struggle. I admitted myself into the ER, fearing for my own life and my family's. Will I get better? I am so scared and just want to feel normal and happy again.

Another issue is that I am breastfeeding and there is no MBU around me. I don't know where one is either. I can't imagine being away from my baby so long.

13 Replies

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  • Hello TwounderTwo, I'm sorry you are having a rough time at the moment. We have all had similar experiences and are here to support you.

    Hopefully at your first psych appointment tomorrow you will have the time to explain how you feel to a professional. It is a frightening experience when you know yourself you are not well but you can't make people around you understand. You did well to admit yourself into ER. I remember after the birth of my first son I thought I saw a moth on the door of the maternity room I was in with him. To protect him I whacked the 'moth' only to realise later that it was some sort of shadow. During my post partum psychosis I had delusions that I knew everything had happened on the news before it was reported, so I can understand the breaks you describe from reality.

    Rest assured, in time, with professional care and an ongoing treatment plan you will feel better and happy again. The medical professionals will have your best interests and those of your children at heart, so try not to worry.

    I hope all goes well for you tomorrow. Do you have someone to accompany you because sometimes it's not easy to take it all in by yourself? I know it's a very scary time for you but all will be well eventually.

    Take very good care.

  • Hi TwounderTwo,

    Thanks for your post and well done for finding us at such a confusing time. We are all here to support you and have all experienced PP and many of the symptoms you describe.

    Our APP website has a map of the UK's MBU's which may be helpful for you, here's the link: app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

    How was your psych appointment? I hope it helped seeing a professional and that you were able to explain how you are feeling. I do understand how very scared you are and I remember that desperate desire to be normal again. You will get there, with the right medication, support and time, women recover very well from PP.

    Take it one day at a time and try to be gentle with yourself. We are all here to help you with any worries and concerns. Let us know how you are if you can.

    Warmest,

    JonesieB x

  • As Lilybeth has said we have all been where you're at. It's a scary time but you will get through it.

    Well done for being able to recognise that something was not quite right it's hard to do sometimes.

    A MBU is obviously your ideal option if you have to be hospitalised. I was separated from my son when I was diagnosed with PP when he was 5 weeks old. Luckily it was only for a week and I was able to see him in that time. So it worked out not too badly.

    Second time around with my daughter I didn't need to be hospitalised as once my medication kicked in I was good.

    Good Luck with everything. And we're all here to support you during this hard time.

  • Hi.

    You probably don't know my story but your story has been the most similar to mine so far.

    I had a very traumatic labour and just before it I saw the clock in my labour room spin round and round then when I looked back it was the right time (this actually happened as luckily Daniel saw it too).

    By six weeks PP I was walking around a department store feeling really dreamy and just wanted to feel awake. It's a really horrible feeling and it will take time to get better. I still have very off weeks even. I too felt like I wanted to admit myself an many times told Dan I 'just need to take myself in now'. A lot of it was panic and doubting myself because of the strange feelings in my head. I had a very good close friend who used to sit with me all day and let me do things with baby when I could and she took over while I slept the rest of the time and my partner picked me up in the evenings after work and carried on.

    I too was breast feeding and held off getting treatment which didn't help me. I fed him until he had his 8 week jabs.

    I hope my post will be of some use or some reassurance.

    This group has helped me so much and quite literally seen me through my darkest hours of insecurity and anxietys.

    If there's anything you would like to talk about feel free to inbox me or write on here.

    Things do slowly get better and looking back at my posts I expected to get better much quicker than I did and I admit I'm still not fully there yet but I have improved massively.

    Kay

  • Hi I wonder how the meeting went and how you are doing? In some ways I was lucky in that I was SO acutely unwell (completely crazy, out of touch with reality, not making any sense) I went to A&E with my partner and baby, and was then admitted to MBU because I guess it was very obvious I needed it. I really hope you were able to say how you are really not well when you had your psych appointment, that it is more than depression etc and that you do get the support you need, MBU if you need to be hospitalised etc..

    I hope you find this group helpful, in a way I found it too late, but even just hearing other people's stories and sharing some of my own has helped with my healing and coming to terms with what happened.

    Thinking of you.

  • I also wanted to add that you will definitely get better - I thought I never would but with time, the right support etc I made it through...

  • Hi TwoUnderTwo,

    We're thinking of you & wondering how you're getting on? If you get chance to, (don't feel you have to though), let us know how your psych appointment went & if your medication or things have changed at all. I hope you're getting the treatment & support you need at this scary time. As the others say, it does get better & we're here to help with any worries or fears you might have in the meantime. Take care lots x

    P.S. Don't forget that if you need to, don't hesitate at all to contact your GP or Mental Health Team, NHS Direct: 0845 4647 or The Samaritans: 08457 909090

  • Wow I'm surprised at all the replies I got! I am going to a psych hospital today. I've only gotten worse unfortunately and my family thinks it best if I seek professional help. Hoping I come out recovered and ready to mother again :(

  • Hi TwoUnderTwo, thank you for taking time for the update, especially when you've got lots on your mind at the moment. Sorry things have got worse for you, but it's really good to hear that you'll be getting professional help & the treatment that you need. It'll give you the time & support you need to heal & of course you'll come out recovered & ready to be the mother you want to be. It's good to hear your family are supportive of you too. It's such a tough thing you're going through so try to be patient (so hard when all you want is to get better quickly & everything to feel normal again!), rest up & be extra kind to yourself. We'll be thinking of you & are around if you need us. Wishing you all the best x

  • Hi TwounderTwo,

    So pleased to hear from you. Well done for recognising that you need professional help. It's not an easy decision to make, especially at this time of year, but it will be for the best. I was sectioned and spent Christmas in hospital following my first psychosis but I remember very little as I was not as self aware as you are. If you're in hospital you will be in safe hands and probably make a quicker recovery than trying to cope in the 'outside world'.

    Try and use this time relax and build yourself up so that when you return home you will feel strong enough to cope with the routine of life. You will be well enough soon to enjoy being a brilliant mum to two under two.

    Take very good care and keep in touch if you can.

  • Hello everyone! I just had my first week back at home from inpatient treatment. I checked myself in, things got so bad and I got so delusional I was so frightened. So, I stayed a week at a psych ward. I had to stop breastfeeding because of the antipsychotics unfortunately. But I am feeling a lot better! And LO (little one) is doing well on formula.

    It turns out I had PP and was diagnosed with bipolar one. So, the psychosis brought the condition to light.

    I am so glad I found this forum, I have found lots to help me out from here and am looking forward to continuing my recovery with the psych ward's outpatient program I am going to the next two weeks.

  • I know it is hard to give up breastfeeding because of the meds but thank GOODNESS you are feeling better!! Good for you for going in and having such a strong and positive attitude on it all. WE will get through this. Hold strong xoxo

  • Hi really great to hear you are doing better, I hope you continue to recover, and that you're enjoying your time with your little one X

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