comparing my life/focusing on others...

[Makaluu]

i'm still guilty of this and it's getting me down. i've had anxiety for years now and it's had a lot to do with who i am today no doubt. middle age is creeping in and i'm in a different place than 80% of the people my age. namely i've no children. it's getting me down as all i can see are people around me with their kids, all i hear is people talking about their kids, all i get told is about people having kids.

my anxiety and shyness kept me out of relationships for years, whereas most other people were getting on with it. now all i do is meet people and hope they say they don't have kids so i can feel i'm not the only person in the world without them, but of course most people do have them. well it seems that way, i'm so focussed on looking for signs of it, it's all i can see. being single was lonely. being this age with no kids harbours the same feelings, it's like a void that you think you should have filled just because everyone else has.

so this over sensitive mind of mine is constantly comparing and focusing in on this part of my life these days.

[Hidden]

We tend to focus on different things as we age, I believe this to so, from my own experience of life and of the lives of friends I can see that as we get older we think and feel so differently than we perhaps once did, I used to focus alot on the fact that I was single, I seemed to notice couples all around me, everywhere I went there seem to be couples holding hands, enjoying each others company, getting married, having companionship and someone to love etc, then when I myself met my partner the focus on others seem to disappear, I have friends without children, it's not always by choice that they have no children but either way it's not so important, you still have value as an individual, your still able to love and be loved, your still as important as the next person, infact not having children can enable you to focus on other things that are important to you, not having the confinement of responsibility of being a parent can give you complete freedom to live in anyway you wish, it can allow you to give more attention to your own passion and beliefs without having to live within certain boundaries that parents have too, focus on other things, concentrate on hobbies, be free to explore, go places, join groups, the world is yours, children or not, your still valuable in your own right xxxx

[Justneedpeace]

Everyone has different paths in life. I had a child with someone and we are not together anymore. Am I supposed to feel bad because I am not married and have a big house? No. Not everyone lives this cookie cutter life.

Just remember that.