I feel like I am living in my own personal hell. Created by the obsessions, the worries, and the panic that always finds a way to creep in. I don't really know where this all started. But it its worse in college about 10 years ago. I got a norovirus while on vacation one year and it triggered a severe bout of anxiety about getting the stomach virus. My family calls me obsessed and crazy. I get zero support. Four years later I went to college and my obsession grew to monstrous proportions. I was prescribed citalopram but didn't take it because it made me feel sick to my stomach. I was taking an ever growing dose of ambien because it was the only thing that would make me sleep. I was waking up in the middle of the night having full blown panic attacks. They involved severe nausea, extreme chills, and I would walk and walk and walk. Probably about 5-6 miles per night. It took me 3 years to break that horrible cycle. But finally I felt normal. Every now and then my anxiety about possibly catching the stomach virus would appear but it was soon thwarted, no big deal. I even caught the virus once and it was not a big deal either oddly enough. I got pregnant and dealt with morning sickness and that was no big deal either. Then I had my daughter. In general I became a germaphobe because she was a newborn and it was important not to get her sick while she was so little. Then we found out she had a dairy allergy. I was and am breastfeeding and so I cut that out of my diet. But not before she started having seizures. Come to find out, she was closing her airway because of such severe reflux from the allergy. She is now 1 1/2 and ever since then I am terrified of her getting sick. So now not only do I have this uncontrollable fight or flight response going on in my head about stomach viruses, all I can think of is her having another episode and getting so sick she needs to go to the hospital. I feel completely out of control. As I write this my husband has a stomach virus and my anxiety is through the roof. I just want to be normal. How do people cope with getting sick? I can't sleep even thought I am so tired because my body will literally jump me out of a sleep and I don't know who would take care of my daughter if I do get sick not to mention I need to breastfeed her.