Better but not better

[TristansMommy]

I know my anxiety was triggered by hormone imbalance. Then my son left for a 17 day vacation with his dad (he has 6 days left). While my anxiety "attacks" have changed form - they are still there. Now.. I walk around with a constant nervous feeling. Almost like high stress.

The ONLY time I'm NOT feeling anxious is when I forget about it and that happens when I'm occuppied. But.. when I stop and I think night is coming.. I get stressed thinking about the possibility of the anxiety coming back.. and that CREATES the anxiety.

I'm stuck in my own mental hell.. and I KNOW it's mental.

I keep telling myself that it SHOULD get better when my son returns.. because I do believe a lot of my "stress" and my "anxiety" is related to my son being so far for so long. Now.. he has gone on trips with his dad - for like almost 2 weeks to Florida and I didn't feel this way.

I also think it's also me NOT being a part of such a HUGE event in his life that is causing me to feel this way on some subconcious level. I know I shouldn't feel that way.. but I do.

I finally got sleep last night - felt GREAT this morning.. went on a long walk.. managed to remain "calm" most of the time.. BUT at the end of the day I'm just WORN DOWN from MENTALLY constantly trying to refocus myself. I gave in just now and took half a xanax because i don't want it to build so much that Im' a wreck later when I need to be "calm".

But I also have a dull headache. Don't know if that's from the Xanax I took yesterday (I took 1/2 a pill at 3pm and the other half at around 8pm before bed) OR if it's just from me mentally exhausitng myself working hard to keep a positive mental outlook.

The thought of repeating this ALL OVER again tomorrow.. just increases that anxiety. How do you end the cycle?

[Goldfish_]

Keep on keeping on. Mindfullness, exercising distraction keeping busy. If you can feel great at sometimes I'm really envious. Savour those times.