today!? and advice, please? warning long post

[sonnyyy]

hello people! I want you all to have a great day!

quick review:

i have ocd and some psychosis

and i am not sure if this is true but people make greater decisions when they are hungry - which is probing an eating disorder

For some time i have been in a dream state! and today i started work - at first i was SO anxious, but as the day progressed - i really liked the people around me! they weren't acting as though they were better than me - like my uni friends! I felt SAFE! I didn't want to control the conversation - and despite this being such a shitty job -it gave me a parameter of my life that i could control! It felt nice. The truth is - i could imagine myself in this company! all people their were down to earth! It felt okay!

My thoughts and wants, are incredibly volatile mixed with ocd:- a recipe for disaster!

I've abandoned all my friends, but today i forgot about that!

the truth is when i go to uni i feel deep fear - it's very far from home and i don't know whether it's what i want!

and if I do go - i turn into a psycho - but, my teachers say you could be a CEO some day - but its just built on... (i dont want to say it...).

If i go to uni, i want to live alone - which sounds sad - but i can control my persona

It seems when i jump into these big ideas (i get very anxious) i feel out of my depth ocd makes me feel in my depth! 24/7 ocd is painful you end up with teeth issues (TMJ) and other issues

Part of me wants to finish my degree -- as i can get CBT whilst i am there! but part of me knows withdrawing from society in order to hoard some information on my degree is bad! but i don't want to let myself down and others! I don't want to ruin my life!

going to uni has turned me into an ass, but its the only life that exists! i pushed all my "friends" away by withdrawing and some i made enemies out of! sometimes i feel why am i going to the ends of the earth to impress a few people.

to uni or not to uni? (parents need me to leave!)

Any help is seriously seriously more than welcome!

THANKS

Sonny

[Spomales]

Hey Sonny, hope all is well I'm truly happy that you have found a job that has made you feel great and in control .. I want you to remember that your always in control of your life never give up .. Even if people don't like you for any reason I know it's hard with your condition not to worry I wish I could give you more advise but truly wouldn't know where to start .. Are you seeing a therapist or on any meds .. You left out a few things how long have you been suffering from this condition etc.. I wish you nothing but the best in your new job and if for what ever reason it doesn't work out remember there are many other jobs out there don't be afraid of going to the world and doing things we can't always please everyone even tho we would love at times .. This things are sometimes out of our hands true friends remain but remember in life friends come and go it's a vicious cycle but it's up to us to always try and make the best of it ... On Uni not sure what to say pray on it ask God for guidance remember think about your future and what's best for you we all on our own when it comes to this kinds of decisions like I said God will guide you but you need to pray on it and what ever you truly feel inside on your heart and what ever is best and will make you feel good then thats the path you take.. May you have a blessful day and May God Bless You Always... Keep in touch you can always message me I'm in eastern time NY .. Take care ..

[sonnyyy in reply to Spomales]

many thanks for your advice and support! i am in my snd year of uni (moving into). therapy i should start seeing them in september again and counselling/cbt. based on my past experience with uni it's very diificult to motivate myself to go . i need to sort out my living costs and stuff but for some reason i am ignoring it completely. it's ashame my heart is not in it at this time :/ But prayers are the way! my condition is ocd, theroot issue? perhaps GAD

thanks!

[Spomales in reply to sonnyyy]

Your much anytime.... I was thinking Maybe if go to a regular college where you live nearby would make you feel better .. After that you can always later on down the road change to any other college if your feeling better ... and yes prayers always prayers never forget ... I will also be praying for us all here and others that suffer from all this illnesses .. Again you can always message me I will reply as soon as I see it .. Take care best of luck

[sonnyyy in reply to Spomales]

it's great advice, but i rather foolishly and more through avoidance have left this so late that switching colleges is going to be tough. It's slightlyy difficut choosing where t o live as i dont know whether to live on my own or with others :/

thanks again, i'll be sure to message you , thanks