frustrated by overthinking

[frailstateofmind44]

anyone else ever feel like anxiety sabotages any progress you make with depression? I’ll try to explain the best I can but basically, I actually feel like I’m in a pretty good mood this morning which rarely happens. it’s Friday and I don’t feel as much dread as I normally do. I’m looking forward to the weekend and having feelings of gratitude which also doesn’t happen often. for once I just feel okay. but as soon as I realize I’m experiencing a small break from my depression, my anxiety and intrusive thoughts immediately take over. I start getting intense thoughts like “there’s no point in enjoying this feeling because it’s never going to last”. It’s like whenever I’m feeling “good”, a different part of my brain starts to fight it and tries to stop it from happening. I really don’t know if I’ve articulated this experience well but I’d love to know if anyone else deals with this. It’s extremely frustrating because it feels like I’m fighting a battle against myself and it’s just genuinely confusing? like why is one side of me trying so hard to feel happy and the other feels like it’s doing everything possible to prevent me from feeling good? thanks for letting me vent, I’m just so tired of never being able to experience pure joy.

[LoveforAll41]

howdy frailstateofmind, I am sorry that you haven't had a real good joy experience in a while. I imagine there are some deeper things going for you but I have definitely felt what you are feeling.

One thinking error that I have had for a long time is that I have to earn worth by doing things. I'd have to perform at work, then do school in any free time and heaven forbid I miss a morning workout or eat something I didn't feel was good for me. Weekends could sometimes be a time I did not have to try so hard to earn worth or even just keep from losing it. Perhaps you feel some of that if you are feeling better coming into a weekend. I have worked hard to try to feel that I have worth no matter what and it is freeing.

I would say that this depressed side of you wants to defend you from a big emotional dropoff or keep you from gettting too happy because whatever it is underlying is not resolved. I obviously cannot know. I will say I love the book "Feeling Great" by Dr David Burns, there is also a Feeling Good podcast. Are you going to therapy? I know that there is a way you can find peace, and be free of depression, if not downright joyful, it is the quest to find it. I hope you can give yourself what you truly need and identify it. You got this☮️

[JadeNguyen]

Hi. You’re not alone. I face the same issue and feel tired of such situation. Have you been in any therapy treatment?