One week I am over him, two days I am not...

[sad_watermelon]

I explain everything in my first ever post but in brief: me and my first boyfriend broke up on good terms after 20 months of relationship. He ended it, because he was "tiered of loving me" because I was overthinking our relationship but that was because his mother was a big part of our relationship and I didn't want that for my future. If you want details, you can text me or read my first post. All of this happened a month ago. We are still very good friends so it took me a week to get over. At least I thought so. Now every day I feel ok, but some random days like once a week I feel miserable, I think that I will never find love and that nobody will be that good. I don't want to feel that...

[2Scared]

I read your first post and it reminded me so much of when I thought I met "the love of my life" at 19. It was my first relationship and I was so madly in love, tbh I have yet to love anyone that much after the breakup. But as someone who had to be admitted to the psych ward because the breakup was so bad, I promise you keeping in contact with him is only going to break your heart even more in the future. I know this might be hard to hear and it destroyed me having to go through it, but he's 18. He's going to find someone else and pull away from you. His second relationship is going to end in disaster and he's going to try coming back to you because he's hurt. This will not be because he's changed or he's sorry, it's cause he needs you to fill a lonely void. You have so much to offer the world, I can tell you're an amazing person just by how you write. If you feel like it's too hard to let go right now, that's completely okay (It took me over a year to get over my first bf too). But eventually, you might have to let go if he isn't going to compromise or at the very least be open to changing. The first couple of months of a breakup are brutal. Just take it one day at a time love 🥰. I'm cheering you on from across the screen. I hope you find all the happiness you deserve ❤️:)✨❤️

[Gingerbreadman1978 in reply to 2Scared]

Excellent reply 👍

[HopeforMiami]

Sad watermelon, I'm sorry you're so unhappy. When I read this post, it was very familiar to me and I read your first post and I deeply feel for you because I spent almost 20 years in a relationship, and had a child with someone I thought was the love of my life. And maybe what I felt for him was the most love I will ever experience. But after many years I started to realize that I was in a codependent, emotionally abusive relationship.

I realized that little by little, I had oppressed my own personality to appease him and avoid conflict. Eventually, I found out that there were so many lies, secrets and betrayal that it took my years to be willing to try another relationship.

It's been over 10 years since I finally got him out of my life. He kept trying to pull me back in by being sweet and loving. He's a very charming person and everyone only sees that part of him - except me and our son.

Now my son is about your age and he has suffered a lot. He loves his father but at the same time, he can't stand him.

My honest, most loving advice to you is to get him out of your life permanently and completely. His relationship with his mother is really unhealthy and would make me run and never look back. From the things you have said, I can tell you that he is not your friend and I don't believe he can love anyone. Believe me when I tell you that those feelings of love came from you - because you have the capacity to feel love. Not because of anyone or anything outside yourself.

CODEPENDENCY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE.

I have learned a lot by reading about codependency, manipulation, control - and also about being true to yourself, vulnerability, acceptance and healthy detachment.

Nobody outside yourself can make you happy and complete. You must find your own peace and contentment. And when you are in an emotionally balanced place, relationships with friends and boyfriends will be a bonus in your life, and not a necessity.

I promise you that you can grow and learn to be happy in this life and that you can feel love in your heart without anyone.

Please try to find a therapist that you trust and feel comfortable with and talk about yourself and your feelings about yourself.

And try to enrich your life by learning about the world and by finding things that you find interesting and bring you a sense of accomplishment.

I hope one day you will be able to feel happiness and love in the world and in your life as it is.