My Anxiety

[Rocky_Mountain]

Hello All,

I'm writing this as a means to vent in hopes it will help me get on track. I've had terrible anxiety since childhood. For a long time I just muscled through it but the older I got the harder this became. I have serious social anxiety, yet I doubt any of my friends or family actually know this. I've repressed and hidden it so well, though this "coping mechanism" has led to terrible physical conditions. I am constantly in pain. I can feel the anxiety in my body.

I work out regularly, eat right, meditate, breathing exercises. These things have all helped but I feel like I'm too beholden to them to actually feel good as a baseline. I can't go for a two hour run every day. If I skip days due to exhaustion I'm totally engulfed in anxiety. If I have an event planned with friends in say a week or two I spend the entire time preceding it stressing out about how I will look, act etc...

The worst part of my situation is like I said, most people would consider me an outgoing, charismatic guy. People often tell me they think I'm full of myself. Women often say I'm some playboy. This could not be further from reality. Perhaps its the mask I wear but I really struggle making real connections. I spend a lot of my time alone because of this...

[Vonus5591]

Are you doing what others want of you or that’s what you want to do? Are you getting upset or other people? Changing for other people doesn’t always help us and you have to feel comfortable! Do what you can and not force yourself