Question

[Angelrmh]

I have had a nagging feeling about myself for over 35 years. I have always felt like a worthless piece of nothingness all of a sudden something happened to me and it's like a light switch was turned on. You see when I was five years old I had an accident according to my parents before the accident I loved life and actually enjoyed it but all I can remember is this self hatred. Well I have no clue is to why something shook in my mind to make me see life isn't this worthless piece of nothingness. I have no idea what happened and clueless is to what to do about it. Anyone have any ideas? Anything would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[EndangeredRainbo]

it may be trauma related. Sometimes childhood traumas can make us think negatively about ourselves or we can experience more anger than typical. I think whatever the accident might be, it may have made you feel, think, or perceive things different. And when at such a young age, our thoughts really build our foundation for anything new we learn. Maybe explore that accident and if you remember anything from it. I hope this was helpful, and I’m rooting for you

[LadyZen]

I agree with EndangeredRainbo . It may be trauma. My daughter was in a car accident last year, and it changed her. But because she was older, she was able to process it. At 5 years old, you probably had to process the trauma in the only way a child knows how to. You'll probably want to explore that with a professional if it is effecting you.

[Gillyflower18]

I have cptsd from early trauma and family dynamics. The others are right it certainly affect how you function as an adult. It might be useful to investigate this. There are quite a few books on it now. It is a relatively new area of ptsd.

[Midori]

Sometimes if we have a really bad incident, our brain will block our memory of it. Sounds as if you are worried about it, which can slightly lift the block and something can leak back through.

Do you have a Therapist? or a Psychiatrist who could advise you whether it is the root of your problem with the previously happy memories?

Lifting it could be worse that the original incident however, so be careful if you decide to try going that way.

Take great care,

Cheers, Midori