stuck like chuck!

[Wildflower13]

I feel so stuck. I went to graduate school, obtained my Masters in a field I thought I would enjoy. I thought I would place myself in a position of conquering my fear of people/public speaking by having to lead multiple meetings per week. Turns out that was one of the worst things I've ever done to myself. Three years later - it didn't work! I'm more unhappy than I've been in a VERY long time. My anxiety and depression have come back full force.. (I thought I had them beat!) and I'm stuck in this line of work and can't seem to find the way out. I've been looking / applying for jobs for almost a year. I've only had a handful of interviews. I've really pigeon holed myself in education. I can't quit my job or take a job that makes less money or else we can't sustain our family. We do not live extravagantly, I just mean living day to day. It's expensive..as we all know.

I feel like my only option is to get on medication. When I was on it previously and weaned myself off it was absolutely horrific. Actually, 'horrific' doesn't even do it justice. I am TERRIFIED of getting back on it and trying it again. But, over these last 3 years I have tried everything. You name it, I've done it. I also have pretty intense health anxiety and I know getting on meds is going to give me some side effects in the beginning so that is very hard for me to wrap my head around too. I feel like it's a total catch 22. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry this is so long

Does anyone have experience with getting back on meds after you were off them for a very long time? I was off for 10 years. If so, any weird side effects? Did the same medication work for you now that worked for you then? I'll take any info. Thanks so much, and thanks for reading this lengthy post, it means a lot to me 💜

[Ladyhasink65]

Hi Wildflower13,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this horrible time. You are so brave to even consider getting back on meds, and I pray that you will find your way to the best meds for your body chemistry. I have been more on than off since 1995 to treat my bipolar disorder, anxiety and horrible depression. In the last 10 years I have tried Seroquel (a nasty med that made me a zombie), then got off that and moved onto latuda, trazodone (for depression and insomnia) and lamotragine. Those are working like magic! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think it is possible to find that right meds for you through a psyc that will be there for you and is willing to listen and to hear you about the way the med does or doesn't work for you. During my travels through the f'd up mental health system over the last 35 years I have found out that there is a blood or ?genetic? Test that will narrow down the list of meds you are most likely to be successful with and the ones to stay away from. I googled it and this is what came up "Genetic tests are marketed to help psychiatrists select antidepressant or antipsychotic medication for individual patients based on their genetic makeup. Pharmacogenomics is the study of how a person's genes influence their response to medications." By the way medi-cal will pay for it. Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling on about this, but even though you are terrified 😨 there is a chance that you will find a good med for you. Please keep in mind that a lot of improvements have been made to these meds and the newer meds are better choices. I hope you don't mind but I said a prayer for you.

[Wildflower13 in reply to Ladyhasink65]

Thank you. Thank you SO much for your reply. I sit here with tears in my eyes writing this. Thank you for praying for me, that means more to me than you know!!! Thank you for your thoughtful response, it feels so good to know I’m not alone.

I had absolutely no idea about the blood tests! I did not know that was an option. I probably need to check into finding a psychiatrist rather than just my regular GP doc. I’m also glad you talked about the improvements in meds over the last decade, that is a positive and gives me hope that this time around things will be better.

I can’t tell you how glad I am to start my day off with reading your message. I needed it so badly.

I hope you have an excellent day!! Thank you for being a friend ❤️❤️❤️