Been really tired of last year of university and my "friends" there. There's one girl making things even harder. She seeks conflict. I think she just likes being on people's nerves and since im already irritatble from my c-ptsd and sleep problems, i was an easy victim to her. Kept annoying me the whole time, the teacher did nothing, sat on my place, with my "friends", strained them from me and then kept on trying to get my attention through the whole lesson. When i finally turned, she just said "hi" and laughed because i was already mad. My "best friend" who would hug me when i appear, now moved to a distance when i tried to talk to her. Like ran from me. I asked that girl what was her problem with me, she said "what problem? Im not doing anything to you. You're crazy". She told me "You're crazy".... I thought we outgrown the bullies... My "best friend" by her side. She forgot only i knew she's "crazy" too. Only i know her real diagnosis and i can spill it. I was there for her. She's so despondent. Only i know she's that despondent that she obeys her grandma into an eating disorder. And the other girl cheers on her restrictions, i always tried to encourage her to love herself and rebel her grandma and to understand these restrictions weren't healthy.
Remember my friend that jumped off the 6th floor? Yesterday we were texting and he said he is moving cities. He will go to live with his mother in another city. Also he said he will be disabled physically forever. I waited months to hear from him. I waited from 2nd nov 2022 to now and this is what I hear. That i won't see him again. He might be alive but after the attempt he is lost (according to himself) -unable to walk and moving away. I would love him regardless of it but he just gave up on himself
Irl i haven't had much friends. Those other people i wrote about were just online situationships. That one was real and it's stuck in my brain burning it. The walk we had on 31st oct is stuck in my head. Laughing, playing with stuffed animals. I told him it's a frog, he insisted it's a ninja turtle. I told him he's a ninja turtle. And i still think about everything when he just jumped. I guess i ment and mean nothing
