Rough Past Few Weeks (TW)

[LifeisLikeGarden]

My parents went on vacation a week ago - week long vacation out of country - and got back Sunday. During that time, I stayed at their house and babysat the house and their dog (I also got a rescue myself, and their dog isn't very welcoming of mine, so that was a stressor).

During the week they were gone, I was very stressed. I had more panic attacks a day than I usually do, and no matter what medications I took or other interventions I tried, none of it worked. My schedule was go to wake up around 8:00, go to work at 8:30, work at least 8 hours (maybe more depending on problems at work), get home, take medications/do interventions and then go right to sleep.I got at least 13 hours of sleep everyday and often woke up with panic attacks. I had to call friends to stay with me for a few hours to help me (I was not safe to be alone sometimes, and TW: hurt myself often during the week).

My father gave me a list of things he wanted me to do for them during the week they were gone. I did all of it except I forgot to take the garbage to the curb (but it wasn't so full that it couldn't get by another week) and I didn't watch a church service he asked.

I hate the church and the pastors because they told my mom during counseling that my father was not abusing her and I and that he was a godly husband and father as well as a great role model for others (they put him in a leadership position as well). Despite all the years going to that church, I haven't been back and I can't stand the sight or mention of the church/pastors. So I disregarded that church service "request" because it'd probably trigger me and I wouldn't be open to anything they would say anyway, even if it was a good service.

I was over at their house tonight, waiting for my groceries to be delivered and he asked me, "how was the church service?" I paused and told him that I have not had time to watch it. Which is mostly true; I just started a management position at an assisted living and I work long hours/come in often during my time off to pick up shifts.

He got mad and said that I'm "taking advantage of him." The only thing he's done for me recently was when I was very upset with panic/anxiety and not feeling safe, he and mom watched a movie with me. Otherwise, I told mom that if anything, he's used me to babysit their dog and watch the house for free (I'm a big advocate that family helps family, no strings attached, but he believes in keeping count for things).

When I was packing my dog's bag and getting ready to leave, my dad approached my mom and not so subtly started to complain about my presence. I hurried out the door and texted my mom that the "private conversation" wasn't that private, but I wasn't mad at her, he's just a jerk. I sent an apology text a few minutes later, because that text didn't feel appropriate and more in the moment.

She hasn't responded and I feel bad now about the text. I know she suffers just as much as I do from him and she doesn't deserve attitude from me. I'm just really stressed (anxiety/depression high), and when she and I are only allowed to see each other 3 times a week, but my dad ruins almost every night together (and I could really use support for my stress, but he just adds to it).

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I'm sorry about your family. I know some folks who have dad's on here that are total a*holes.

Sounds like you were having panics attacks because you took on this role of housesitter/ dogsitter for them but knowing how your father is and how he wants things done in a certain way. May have triggered anxiety for you. Too much pressure. You couldn't relax and just chill in their house.

I know that feeling. My dad has a home but I rarely go to visit him because well for starters when he bought the house with his second wife. I wasn't welcome by her. Then she died and he moved in the chick he was having an affair with in. She too makes me feel uncomfortable. I just can't seem to relax with her hovering. Its like she's trying too hard to be my friend and make me consider her "mom". But anyways yeah doesn't sound like their home isn't welcoming but that's only because of your dad. Which I'm sorry for that. You did a good deed as a good daughter to watch their home and pet for free. And still got crap on.

I'm sorry that your mom is caught in the middle in all this. I know this story well too. Shame these nice people get caught up.

Sending you hugs 🫂❤️ even though it was a crappy week. You survived. Sure, you reached out to friends and that's what friends are for. So don't ever be a shame of that. In time you'll get better at developing coping skills for your anxiety and triggers.