We’ve been married for 5 years. During the first two years of our marriage - we really had our downs. We moved into our apartment together in 2017 - we almost divorced in 2018. We had a lot of growing - I had just loss my job. We had one income - I was home all day trying to look for work as well as going through court issues with the job I had. It was a lot. He used to be a ‘very friendly’ person before we got into a relationship. And we had an incident where he told one of his ex girlfriends that she should’ve been his wife. Instead of me. We got past those things and I ended up working again - won my lawsuit against the company I worked for and we moved into our second apartment. Where - I started a new job but it wasn’t enough - it felt like we still had the one income and we had frustrating times but not like a lot. It would be times where I would be home and he would be at work and I would be home all day missing him and he would tell me it’s unhealthy to overly miss or have this deep unhealthy attachment with him. I’m clingy - I’ve heard it before. But I said in a conversation recently that I feel abandoned when I’m home by myself and he goes out to work or have his time to relax and do what he wants to do. He told me that it is unhealthy to feel like he abandons me when he is working or having his time to himself. And I know he’s not cheating - I truly trust him but I realized that maybe it is frustrating for him or maybe it is unhealthy. But I don’t know what that stems from. My dad passed away when I was 10. My mom and my older brother have always had their bond and I would feel alone at times growing up because my dad was my bestie. My mom and I have worked on our relationship for years and we are great. But looking at the past - I was always a daddy’s girl. Everywhere my dad went - I went. Whatever he did - I did. If he went to the store - I went to the store. If he went to the living room to watch a movie - I went too. Do u think I feel abandoned because of my dad passing and I just never grew out of it? Do u ever grow out of that? Is that a stretch? I don’t want to make my husband feel uncomfortable - we’ve been doing so well and came a long way from where we were. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I don’t want to make him feel like I’m mad at him when he comes in from work because I appreciate him. I think I just miss him and feel like we just don’t have enough time to spend together by the time he does come in. Maybe I’m just over exaggerating.
My husband said maybe my attachment i... - Anxiety and Depre...
My husband said maybe my attachment is unhealthy?
sounds to me like you haven’t figured out how to be your own friend. How to be independent
Hey there, I can relate but probably from your husbands side. We are also at 5 years too btw. I am disabled with crazy medical problems. Since we moved and had been in quarantine, we were together 247. He follows me still around the house. I finally asked my therapist about this. I personally require down time....even if I wasn't sick. She did say that my feelings were valid and to talk to him about it. I did and it was a little hard, but then he took some little steps back....like working in the office and pretending like he doesn't work from home. I can have my daily space and then be with him and the kiddos when they get home. It's hard. Regarding the feeling of trust/abandonment, it may link to your father. But it could link to anything really. Friends, school, work etc. I am really happy to hear though you are talking and keep working. Too many couples give up these days!
When your husband’s not around, why don’t you occupy yourself with a hobby, do something to take your mind off it. Try & give him his space & play it cool. He’ll want you more for it. You both have come a long way.
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