It's been a rough week. Anxiety is winning this week. I was doing OK, but this week I have fallen down everyday. It's been pretty painful.
I was doing OK, but this week feels like I'm taking 100 steps back.
I's hard to try to lift myself when it's been dark - and to add to the madness, I blame myself. I tell myself that it's my fault that allowed anxiety to get the best of me. That I should be stronger and that I'm weak when I let punch thru and control me.
I know, that's just an empty rabbit hole that leads to nowhere but my misery.
So I ask, on your healing journey, when you doing OK for a bit, and then boom, the ground opens up and you find yourself back trying to climb out of the dark abyss, what do you say to yourself so that you come out of there w/ as little mental and emotional damage as possible? What does that look like for you? What do you tell yourselves to lift yourselves up? I find it hard to lift myself up and I find it hard to be kind to myself. I talk to a friend, cry like mad, kick myself when I'm down and just keep trying to move forward. Other than talking to someone about it, I don't know how to self soothe. I have no tricks to keep myself calm and not self attack.
Tired, I am tired.
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MmSh
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I wish I had some really helpful advice to offer you, maybe knowing your not alone with these feeling helps, it helps me sometimes. I'm trying to figure this out myself... Thank you for sharing this. I don't feel so alone now. 💜
It helps immensely knowing I’m not alone. And I know it can be difficult to know what to say to help people here to help them out. Everyone’s situation is complicated and we want to uplift them or same just the right thing to bring them some relief - it’s hard to know exactly what to say.
I appreciate your response and it feels to know that it may have provided a bit of comfort. You are certainly not alone.
What I do is it's bad I started smoking again after I quit 2 years just started smoking stress killing me just started telling myself why am I alive for I should be dead
Bill: I too started smoking. Just to feel some temporary relief. It’s a nasty habit, true.It seems stupid, but I try to smoke with limits. Like nothing until after the evening or only 1 or 2.
It’s silly, but I try to figure out boundaries so that I’m not doing it all the time.
But I understand- the stress gets overwhelming.
I hope you can limit yourself somehow so it doesn’t get out of control.
Please, do not give up your fight. Extreme depressive thoughts are not easy to ignore. But thoughts of death are haunting. Please , try to reframe your thoughts and share them w/ someone you trust.
Remember that our thoughts and feelings are temporary and not permanent.. They thru and then move on. These feelings aren’t forever.
Please be well. Think ahead to when these intense feelings will subside.
I can really relate to you. I was in an anxiety remission for well over a decade. Then medication side effect took me out. The side effect of this medication is anxiety and nervousness. Now my anxiety is like on steroids. And all the stuff that I used to do to help cope with anxiety doesn't seem to work. And I too have rough patches. I beat myself up and I blame myself too. Maybe if I would have taken better care of my health I wouldn't have need for this thyroid medication. Or maybe it would have happened anyway. I will never know. And yes I have fallen into that abyss. Where I think I'll never be well again. I will never be myself again. And that is soul crushing. Cuz for over a decade I was happy. I spent my teen years and early 20s locked in a box which was my room. I didn't go anywhere I didn't do things that most teens and people in their 20s do. I was a late bloomer. I finally got out into the world and I was enjoying it. All its fruits it had to bear. Sometimes when I'm in that rough patch I think I should have enjoyed it more I should have paid more attention to everything around me at that time. Soak it in more if I knew this was on be my future. But I realized now after talking to my therapist. Your mind is a beautiful and horrifying thing. And what I mean by that is you can be so creative and come up with brilliant fantastic ideas. It's also horrifying how quick it is to succumb to fear and negative thinking. And it's hard to shake off. I've learned I need to be more kinder to myself. Nobody's a harsher critic than me. And if I want to get better I have to be better to me. So when I fall down that hole and struggle to climb up. I take time to acknowledge my climb. Before yeah I would get excited that hey I made it to the top of the mountain. But now I realize I should celebrate my climb too. That hay I'm making efforts to get out of this, well done, I'm doing well and I'm trying the best that I can. And when I have a setback not to take it to heart. I know that's easier said than done. But I try. Don't let all the winds go to your head and don't let all the losses go to your heart as a wise woman once said. So when I have set backs I tell myself now I may have lost the battle but I did not lose the war. I still got tomorrow, I still got another day to try again. And I remind myself all the good that I have done. So I journal things. And look at photos. To remind myself I can do it I have done it. Anxiety is a lie. So when you're feeling down I suggest you do the same. Journal all the things that you have accomplished to remind yourself that anxiety is lying to you. You have done great things. And even though it doesn't feel like you're making great strides. And I know that it sucks but you have to give time time. I'm impatient I'm want this to be over now. But I have faith that I will be me again eventually. It'll take me sometime but I'll get there again. And I believe the same for you too. And if need be go ahead and cry. Sometimes you need to do that. All emotions are valid. It's okay to be angry at your anxiety. It's okay to be sad that you're not where you want to be. Where you want to be is content. Don't be happy if you're not happy. Don't force yourself. Cuz that'll just make it worse. So take whatever you need to do to get yourself right again. That's what I've discovered during my journey. And hopefully for both of us, we'll both get there to that place that we want to be. I'm rooting for you and you have my support 💖
C!! What a wonderfully written reply - thank you!!I hear you: ANXIETY IS LYING TO ME. You know what? The other day I saw that on a T-shirt: Your anxiety is lying to you. I LOLLLL! It was perfect timing. And let me tell you I felt that T-shirt!
You're right about remembering the positives. Sometimes I force myself to just look around me. At the home I've created, my kids are good, my husband is wonderful, my dog comforts me and my friends are trying to help as much as they can.
Why do we fall into this dark abyss if there is so much to be grateful for? I know, I know, anxiety and depression are disorders that we deal w/. I just want to opt out of this anxiety disorder. I suppose nobody wants any kind of health issue no matter what it is.
I feel you tho - I too was enjoying life until this episode. I was out there, working, travelling, having fun w/ friends and enjoying life. Then BOOM, the ground swallowed me whole. Darkness descended and I was robbed of all my joy.
My family watched me unravel and I felt so ashamed. The oppressiveness of depression weighs heavy on me at the moment. So let me take your suggestion:
I've come along way since my anxiety breakdown. I am doing much better and have learned alot about myself. Despite my episode, I managed to keep my house in order. Though not very present in the moment, I made a hard effort to be there for everyone eventhough I found it hard. I cleaned, did chores, ran errands and was even working. I reached out and got help from friends, family and a host of professionals to help me when I knew I couldn't help myself. I reached out to this online community for extra support.
I suppose all those things are true. Thanks for reminding me to keep score of the good things.
No problem 😊 I love helping people. I really do. Helps distract me from my problems. I can use the distraction cause I love with my problems 24/7.
The brain is a funny thing. It doesn't recall the good as much as the bad. The bad is like etched in stone. But that's a survival instinct. We have to remember the bad to avoid those bad choices. Problem is we evolve but that part didn't. So we lie awake at night think of the worst things to imagine, make up scenarios to hurt our own feelings or remember something cringe worthy.
We have to learn to become our own safe person. We are okay right now. Yes it does help that we have a support system. You have your family friends n doggo. I have my sister, mother, friends fiancé and a doggo.
Btw if you ever want to chat hit me up in my DMs. Always happy to help, listen or talk pets 😂
I will DM u - so we can chat about the ugly stuff AND the good stuff. Gotta keep reminding each other about the good, no? We certainly have a hard time doing it. It’s always good to get outside reminders!
You are definitely not alone!! I feel like I am constantly talking myself out of an anxiety or depression spell. My life is good, but it creeps in and I have to battle it. Good luck to everyone here
I tell myself this is a speed bump. I have pulled myself up many times and will do it again. I also try to do something every day just for me. Use a face mask, deep condition my hair anything that makes me slow down for a few minutes and concentrate on myself. The world is dark these days and I believe almost everyone is tired. But take things one day at a time or one hour at a time. You will climb back up.
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