My son just moved out , 22 yrs old , where did that time go , my boy is gone and I HAVE to let him go . The part that’s really got me down is his friend he’s moved in with is the most manipulative , money centred young man I know, who didn’t have high morals and loves a flashy lifestyle even if it’s not money he’s worked for. My son and I are very close but EVERY time he’s with this friend my son is different towards me and his sister a bit too . It’s like he’s controlling him in a subtle manipulative way . I love all my sons friends, they’re trustworthy and are (were) always over like a second home , I have no problem with that at all . But this kid has caused trouble from the start , the day my son met him he was rude to me, which was a shock . This kid has even admitted he’s manipulative and said I can see through him but I’m also a sucker at times too. It’s like he’s jealous of my son and our relationship and WANTS to ruin it . He would even call him brother in front if my other son just to upset him and off they’d go together. My youngest daughter has a severe disorder and her and my son are like best friends but hardly talk now. Once again I have to suck it up , push it down and pretend to be ok , but it’s actually really hard , he’s a man now and it’s good he’s independent but I’m sure in my heart of hearts it was a manipulation by this friend. I dint want my son to fail and come home but I don’t want him being like this person. My sin is kind , caring thoughtful ….. but has changed a lot now . Another gut wrenching kick in the guts by life 😩
So sad today , : My son just moved out... - Anxiety and Depre...
So sad today ,
I’m so sorry about that lots of hugs and support friends like that are crap you need to tell your son to stay clear from him . it’s not good at all for you and your mental health your son went through so much and that friend is adding more to his suffering whether he realizes it or not
I tried to talk to him but it just made him angry with me, so I’m going to have to just support him , because he’s very excited to be moving into a new, very big beautiful home, and has started working with his friend too , on a good salary , which he’s also very excited about . I’m very happy for my son I just wish it was with one of his other friends . I just hope he dosnt get him into any trouble or anything like that. I’m starting to feel a bit better,it was so hard to say bye this morning , but focusing on my daughter , must stay strong for her 💕 thank you so so so much for your supportive msg , really appreciated .
Hello Mumma_h!
It’s definitely difficult to experience how quickly they grow up. Where did all the time go?
As a young, unmarried, childless person, I will say, I have experienced a shift in my parents and I’s relationship. The distance transforms it. Some of the conflict becomes more easily dissipated. Thankfulness becomes more present. Idk.
With anyone, you give advice from what you’ve experienced and they won’t listen. But through their life, they will learn. Your boy is young; he’s still learning.
When someone that young moves out for the first time, there’s a lot of new first experiences. There’s more freedom in the independence. It helps to fail and learn.
I wish it didn’t.
It’s even nicer to experience something painful, that you didn’t know would be painful, but you look back and someone who cared about you warned you or supported you while being honest. You ignored them or didn’t believe them. When you’re young, it’s easier to want to be feel understood and have everyone agree with your choices. Then, you make mistakes and feel a bit worse because your friends said go for it 😅 while secretly judging you. At least, that’s what I went through. I didn’t have an older, wiser, kinder, blunt person around at the time.
Now I do. It softens the blow and makes life a little less painful... to know you have someone there who will be honest, told you what to expect, and is willing to help guide you through it. I learn better with that kindness. I can reflect and make better decisions because I understand what happened, why it happened, and how to avoid it now... instead of being too consumed by my own shame and pride to make sense of things.
So, it’s good that he’s independent and learning. It’s also good that you’re recognizing his responsibility over his own choices and the limits as to your influence or control over those. There’s only so much you can or should do.
In time, he might come to you for advice more than you expected? Maybe after not getting it? I don’t know. Seasons change and there’s so much change or experimentation during that period of a young adult’s life.
Thank you so much for your reply! I’ve calmed down much more and just have to trust my son now. He’s responsible and kind and I’m so proud of him . He needs to be independent and I will always be there for him . I hope it works out well for him even though I don’t trust his friend, I need to trust my son . I will take no pleasure at all in being rightof course . I’m very anxious about most things . I’m so glad we were on very good terms when he left this morning.
Sorry to hear that. I too have a 22 year old son so your post touches me.While he doesn't have any one friend that really annoys us now, there was a time just a few years ago when a group of them used to play nasty phone pranks on us
They were far too old for that rubbish at the time - 17 & 18.
My son was in tears over it at one point, said they were getting to him not us.
He is still friends with one who turned out pretty well after all that.
I feel for you and hope the outcome is good.
They are only ours for a short time, and there is only so much we can do.
Oh, I feel for you. I was the victim of a manipulator, although at the time I couldn't see it. looking back it is So obvious.
I think that, although you are going to hate it, you will need to sit back and wait for him to come to you.
It may take time, but if you constantly give advice it will not be taken well, and may cause your son to pull away from you even more.
He needs to realise for himself that he is in a toxic friendship, and that he needs advice from Mum.
Keep his room available, just in case.
Cheers, Midori
You hit the nail on the head! I didn’t even want to say anything,my son knows how I’ve felt about this friend at times. but blurted it out because I became so scared for him and mad at his friend. And he is leaving his bed ( amongst other stuff) here for when he stays over, so it’ll stay his room . I’m sooo glad, I didn’t go on and on about it to him , he just said muuuummm!!!! Stop! So I did . And when he left he wasn’t mad at all but laughed at me because I was crying ( not in a mean way ) . And I told him don’t worry it’s just a Mum thing, I’ll cry when each one leaves. Thank you sooo much for responding , I appreciate it sooo much 💕
It's so hard not to worry! My youngest just moved out and even though I think he's doing ok, his path is not what I had envisioned so I've had to work on accepting it. Hugs to you mom!
It is heartbreaking when we see our children being hurt by anything . I’m so glad your son is back with you we’re he is loved. It must’ve been a big relief to have him home. It’s hard for me to understand how people can be mean to another person. I hope he realises that unfortunately not everyone has good intentions and to choose good friends who really care 💕
Yes I have to accept it , I can do it . To push him will push him away , and we’re a loving family so I don’t want to ruin that . He’s not in danger or anything like that and it appears all hunky dory . They’ve applied for a really nice house , even with a guest room for myself and his sister when we come over so I consider myself pretty darn blessed, Could I ask for more ? I just really don’t like his friends morals in certain areas and I’m very accepting of most people, no matter what they’re like or struggling with , but this friend just seems shifty ….and that I don’t like. It’s time for my son to fly and I need to trust him and just be available if he ever needs me,as we do. I hope this friend has grown up more and that I’m wrong. I hope your son is happy and successful in whatever path he takes , hugs to you too 😊💕
Very wise is Midori ! His room will stay his room because hel need when he comes to visit as he’s an 1 1/2 hrs away and will stay over . Counting my blessings now and not letting the fear take over. Thanks ChavivLeon !
Both my children are grown and have left home. It's hard when the people they surround themselves with cause a wedge. My son's first roommate HATED me. I could only stop by to see him if the roommate was gone. Eventually the roommate moved away. Now he has his own home not far from me. He is busy and I don't see him as much as I would like to but I know it's ok to stop by. My daughter also has her own home. My husband stops by often. I am not welcome without an invitation. Perhaps in time this will work out too. It sounds like your son is a wonderful young man. Although it's hard in time he will be true to himself. The waiting is painful but well worth the end result.
Ohhhh thankyou ! Yes he is a wonderful young man 😁. He’s always kind of been the stable rock in our family. Always happy and strong and just his presence makes everyone feel good . Very even keeled , in our crazy( well more burned and emotional to be really truthful ) family 😆. It’s his time to fly now . I just hope the MOST important morals stay with him . I hope and pray your relationship with your daughter gets better and better so she is happy for you to call around anytime. I’m many ways our children HAVE to find someone to blame to get through and not blame themselves. The mother daughter relationship can be very difficult sometimes because we’re sensitive creatures us girls , i don’t meet that in a bad way , because on the flip side we’re very loving and nurturing and just want our emotions understood 💕
Hi ! I’m so blown away by the wonderful people here and their support!! Thank you soooo much 💕. Today he rang me , just being his silly funny self , I’m so happy we are ok , and he can call me whenever he wants to stir me 🤣🤣🤣. He’s a funny boy ! !!Told me he’s in the new jackass movie , and silly me I kind of believed it for a second 🤣. I’m so very blessed!!! Everyone keep hope!!! , my life was an absolute living hell and now I have many days when I laugh and smile again. At one time he went to live with his father, who was extremely abusive to me ,( which absolutely floored me , so much so I had to quit my job at the open range zoo which I loved) but it only lasted a couple of months and he was back home . I took no pleasure in it , I wish my children had a good relationship with their father, I’ve encouraged the relationship but sadly their father isn’t interested , ( none of them want to see him as he’s never had anytime for them , my daughter just told me last night she can’t remember much about him because he wasn’t really around much except to abuse me and tell us how crap we were . Do never give up hope on anything!! Love always prevails 💕💕💕💕warm regards to you too 😊
Have fun watching the jackass movie 🤣. My boys loved them growing up and laughed even more when I went on and on how dangerous they were ,and disgusting, but I’d be laughing at a lot the same time. Sadly my children did hear the abuse , as much as I tried to protect them from it and lead as normal a life as possible. I didn’t even know to a point it was abuse , he didn’t hit me that often ( he didn’t want to get caught obviously and made out I was crazy). But he was terrifying , he didn’t need to hit my I just complied to his every whim and demand , and his demands were very high. He didn’t really need to hit me . He was terribly verbally, financially and in other ways abused me . By the time he was finished with me I was like a zombie by the time he left me , there was nothing left of me , so I became like a robot , just smiling and giving my children the absolute best I could . I worked tirelessly to be a good mum . To give you one example so you know what I mean, I’d have to sleep outside with dogs just to hide from him , and had a spot in the park I would sleep. He even let one of his friends push me around and hit me . I sank into a depression I didn’t even know was possible for a human being , it was pure hell !! So glad I came through . But the worst part of all of it was knowing it wasn’t good for children yet I was trying to fix him so they could have a father . That’s what killed my spirit the most
I’m so happy your son is with you !! You are an absolutely wonderful mum ! I’m happy he’s with for you and for him !! He’s going to be just fine with a mother like you !! . Thank you so much for acknowledging what I’ve been through! I swear to you I wasn’t exaggerating. Because I didn’t get hit all the time I thought how dare I consider myself a victim of domestic violence, all these poor women ( and some men too )have been through so much . But he treated me like a dog , he would make me cook and then throw it out the window too the dogs . He liked to humiliate me , especially in front of people. He would go through all of my things and make me sit there all night explaining EVERY little tiny thing , I’d have to repeat after him how useless and disgusting and shameful I was all night , and I couldn’t move because he had a knife next to him and told me he would kill me , and he’s 6 foot four and a bricklayer and was a champion runner in his youth . When I got the chance to run I didn’t know I could run that fast , but strangely I meant so little to him , that he wouldn’t chase me too far I wasn’t worth THAT much to him. When I called police on many many many occasions( when I really thought this is it , this is the night he’s going to kill me ) he would quickly straighten himself out , he’d be calm and collected and tell them I had mental conditions and was a drug addict and ‘unstable’ but and they believed him , he was very smart ( that word unstable still gives me the shivers ) . Me and my children would have to find somewhere to go , because stupidly I put my house in his name too when we married . He messed with my mind so much and had me convinced I was a terrible mother . I was dying inside knowing that it was a terrible thing for my children, that’s what tipped me over the edge , him tormenting me on what a terrible mum I was ( but a part of me knew it was him ) . I still don’t forgive myself for not running away with them earlier, I’m scarred by it every day of my life and my guilt runs deep. I thank god we are all still close ( except for my oldest son who us estranged now from his siblings) but I still support him every day ( he has special needs ) . And their father has no contact with them , they don’t want to see him anymore, and he has no desire to see them. I didn’t even know the depression and mental anguish I went through when he left was possible. I didn’t know what was worse , falling asleep and the nightmares, or waking to the hellish mental nightmare. Once I’d got my children off to school I would scream and scream without letting the noise come out so I wouldn’t be heard . This is what 20 years of mental abuse can do to a person, I never ever thought when I was young I would allow this to happen to me , but it was bit by bit and all the lines where blurred. I am so incredibly grateful that I am standing here today , with my beautiful children around me , who i absolutely adore!! , my beautiful grandchildren , my home , my safety and my sanity !!!! We have a good life , and I’m so proud of them . Of course there are scars we all have , particularly my oldest son , and my youngest daughter is struggling with something, but we are getting there, and wel be ok . I’m am very blessed!!! Well that’s it !! Thank you for listening!! sorry for such a huge post !! ! I’m done🤣🤣 I promise , it’s all out now . Thankyou !!!!!! 💕💕💕💕🙏
Oh lol , I’m so sorry!! This is the only site I go on, real bad with the internet, don’t even do Facebook 😆Well I think you’re a saint!!! It would be a dream come to true to me if my children’s father showed as much interest and love as you do to your son . He’s a lucky boy . Yes msg me anytime 🤗
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
So sad today. Sending you all love.
I feel so sad today.
So Sad
I am so sad right now
Related Posts
So damn sad
Have you ever been so sad that you just go numb? No tears
I found the person of my dreams but I am so sad
How can a happy person like you be so sad? Moderation team
