Helpful words, book suggestions, exercises?

[Bad_Religion]

It's a really bad night tonight. My wife and I are separated (not my decision) but she still lives in our family home. She came out of the shower tonight and there it was the smell of home. The smell that in the past 12 years has sunken me back in my seat. I thank the lord for bringing such a special person into my life. But...

I now feel like a ghost ignored by the one that should always be there with me. What do I do? I'm not sure how many more sleepless nights of crying and anxiety attacks I can take.

[Shnookie]

Hi. It’s Shnookie. It’s understandable Why U R not feeling great. Not try to sound nosy, is it possible for either of U to move out of the house. If there R financial or other reasons that either one of U can’t move outthen U need to do selfcare. Do U see a therapist and taking meds ? There R also deep breathing exercises to lower anxiety;

Go on You Tube for

mindful meditation To be honest, tho U R still so connected to your wife, that there is a need to have separate space in the house.

I’m here 4 U S

[overwhelmedalways in reply to Shnookie]

Absolutely get how hard it is to be cut off involuntarily from someone you have trusted someone else to be the keeper of your dreams and future and they decide they no longer want the job. How hard it is to accept, and how confusing it is. How devastating and frustrating. Everything you feel right now is fair, you are in the middle of one of life's greatest traumas. My advice is to acknowledge that and accept the river of emotions that come with being in this moment. It is -all of it- your body's response to the trauma, Of course the smell triggers you, you are grieving, and for something (a love) that still seems like it should be present. In time, that river of emotion will shift and change - and take you somewhere better. I also advise finding a way to separate households as soon as possible.

[Shnookie in reply to overwhelmedalways]

I totally agree with U that Bad Religion should try to find a new place to live as soon as possible. The olfactory sense is so strong and draws us into such deep memories for me the smell of a good cigar immediately my dad comes to mind. Your post is very profound and gives wise advice to bad religion

[Bad_Religion in reply to Shnookie]

Thank you Shnookie for the kind helpful words. You and overwhelmedalways are right. She is hopefully going to move out in 3 weeks. We do have separate spaces now.

[Shnookie in reply to Bad_Religion]

That sounds like a good thing. It sounds like the current arrangement is causing zU too much pain

[Bad_Religion]

It's causing a lot of pain but I'm hopeful for tomorrow.

[surfmama808]

I was right where you are 6 years ago. My Ex-husband ended our marriage and didn't leave. It became too painful and I was a complete wreck so I packed up my kids and our stuff and moved to my parents while he stayed in our apartment that I was still paying for. This journey will not be easy so I'd suggest getting some therapy asap. There is not a timeline on grieving. I am with a wonderful partner that is more suited for me and I still find something in a drawer or closet and burst into tears. I will never fully recover, just get better at dealing with it. I promise it will get easier. Self care often and use deep breathing or mindfulness videos on Youtube. Hang in there.

[Bad_Religion in reply to surfmama808]

Thanks for the advice. I contacted my therapist today and started reading the book Reinventing Your Life. It has already given me much to think about. I'm going to look up the YouTube meditation videos as well. I keep reading people talking about it.