Hello, I've been diagnosed with depression and GAD for 25 years. I'm at a really low point right now. The 1 friend I had isn't my friend anymore because of my issues. I have no one else to talk to. If an acquaintance sees me at work I scare them off because I'm talking so crazily. I feel like I'm walking around with my head bashed in and people either look at me and immediately run away or if they give me a chance to speak and ask for help they just get frustrated with not understanding me and walk off disgusted. It feels like the universe is against any attempt I make to have a positive interaction with someone. I just need someone to say hi to me please. I feel like I'm such a nice person but people always just think I'm strange and avoid me like the plague. I've never felt genuinely liked by another person and I don't know why. It's because I'm such a downer and just crazy.
New and alone: Hello, I've been... - Anxiety and Depre...
New and alone
I get it when I lost my best friend I went down a huge rut that I'm still not out of. I lost a lot of other friends too and felt like no one liked me bc I was just so depressed and had too bad of anxiety to do anything.
Thank you for responding. Thank you.
no problem <3
Hi Walnutbutterfly🦋
Hi there. Thank you so much for saying hi.
Walnutbutterfly, I can relate to what you are saying, not so long ago I had a lady look at me like I was crazy when I said something to her. My stress right now (and maybe your stress too) is so skyhigh I couldn't speak coherently. I was so frustrated, I almost snapped 🐢 on her, but stopped myself in the nick of time because I didn't want to stoop to her level.😐 There are some other nice and kind people out there we just have to find each other😙
I'm kind of an information booth at a tourist place for my job and part of me loves it because I put on this mask and I have this really set "script" I can follow (it's the same questions over and over) so I can be "cheerful" but the poor person that pisses me off.......I NEED this job because it's my only reason to leave the house so everyday it's like this pep talk to not lose it on someone.
Yeah you are definetly right we all just have to find each other.
Hi Walnutbutterfly :)I understand how you are feeling. Anxiety can be a very lonely disorder because others
just don't understand what we feel or struggle with each day. I'd like to Welcome you to
this safe and caring site.
We certainly know what it is like to have friends and family turn their backs on us.
How can we possibly explain our pain when no one can see it and we can't really explain
it in it's entirety. On this forum, you can talk freely with others who understand and can
support you. If anything, you won't feel alone anymore. I'm happy you are here. 
xx
Thank you. I'm bawling. I just needed some human interaction.
Oh honey, I am so sorry. I wish I could comfort you. Sending you a virtual (((hug))) xx
Thank you so much. I can't believe the feelings this is all making happen now. Thank you so much
Hi walnutbutterfly, hey, you're one of us now, what makes you so strange? 🙂🙃
Thank you so much. This is very emotional all of this and just getting replies
Don't worry. Its natural. I have no one immediately around me....its no fun. I'm probably strange due to isolation. It feels odd to step out of this circle dance.
How long have you been "isolated" for? I've always been a loner but this is my first time at zero.
I have isolated lifelong, but was in the thick of things at the same time. When I was busy at work or school I was out and about but always choosy about friends. Many times I acted codependent because that was my safe zone. In the last 5 years I've been self imprisoned, as I gave up on life not working for me. I'm in my 60s. Now as I collapsed, I got introduced to the fact that I suffer from early trauma and in treatment. Most here know its been a great struggle, I wonder if you have considered this, that there may be early childhood trauma/neglect that has affected your life? I feel for you and know with medication and therapy you will turn around.
I was always around people but a loner at the same time. I feel like I've been burned by humanity too many times and am completely retreating. I had very abusive parents.....divorced since I was born and abused me in their own separate ways.... I've been through years of therapy and still have "relationships" with both of them. My mother is still doing stuff. Unfortunately my marriage turned bad. My husband started taking Kratom 7 years ago and a side effect when mixed with alcohol is blackout rage. Because I'm an abused child I fell right into victim mode. He stopped taking it a few months ago and the rage stopped but it's also become clear that he has no intention of "making things better".I feel like I somehow created this.
So sorry, that’s awful…you need much comfort and understanding. Glad you are here with us!
Thank you....this has already REALLY HELPED. Reading other people's experiences, finding so many similarities is very therapeutic. This is also something to look forward too.💗
I get it. The loner in us are defensive wounds.. You didn't create your husband's abuse. You were drawn like we are to repeat the dynamics. He sounds he is out of control and most likely out of touch with his own feelings. If he doesn't want to change, go with you or alone to therapy, you know what you have. Meantime take care of yourself first. Get the help that you need and things will get better for you.
hi walnutbutterfly. Only one like us truly understand how you feel and what your going through.My heart goes to you.
Thank you so much. Since I started this like a couple of hours ago, just hearing specifically from people in the same situation is helping so much....kinda corny but true....I imagine us all alone together. Thank you.
Hi Walntbutterfly , I am here if you wish to talk ..
Thank you Meera80s, this has been an eye opening experience with the response and understanding. For good though! 💗 I've never joined a discussion group in all the years I've been dealing with this. It feels so good to not have to explain certain things. And it's not "weird".
I am sorry you are going through this. I would say don't ask for help from acquaintances or people you barely know as it will naturally scare them off. People don't know how to help you and most people have enough problems in their own lives to try and help anyone they barely know.
Does all human interaction have to involve you asking for help? You can have lots of chat without doing that. You can pass the time of day about the weather, discuss a piece of clothing you bought, what was on tv etc. This is called social talk. Obviously this is nothing like having a good friend to talk to but it is still human interaction nonetheless and will help you feel more connection to others.
The other tip I will give you is try and concentrate on the other persons feelings rather than your own. If you can make talking to you a nice experience they are more likely to want more. At the moment you are scaring them rigid so they avoid you. It's a vicious circle.
Are you seeing a therapist? If not I would get this organised if you can.
Hi hypercat54, ugh I'd love to have a normal conversation and not be so obsessed with my problems. I just feel so desperate right now so talking about "normal" things makes me feel crazier. I've been in the mental health system and have had 2 referrals for appointments never happen. Now it's non referral but the wait time is months. Yes I should still get in there but at this point I'm just so tired. I've been doing this for 25 years and I'm tired. And I'm not looking forward to reexplaining my whole life again to someone. I'm hoping that these discussions help a little and they have. Just waking up this morning and have something to look forward to (checking my phone) and then seeing other people's messages and hearing their stories! I feel that if I can get "this kind of talk" out of my system I might not be so desperate in public💗
It gets tiring, doesn't it? I've been through many myself. Hopefully when you find the right therapist it won't feel so tedious.
Hello Walnutbutterfly, nice to meet you 😊
Hello quickblizzard, thank you for saying hi. Hearing from other people is helping so much. Thank you.
Hi- Thank you for sharing with us honestly about how you feel at the moment.
Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. Continue to share with us, we are here for you. I hope you will be comforted here. Online groups like this can help you feel less lonely and not alone.
Praying for you, God bless you.
Hi there Walnutbutterfly. I like your name. I've had MH probs my whole life too, and I'm a total weirdo. Eventually I just accepted that and found other weirdos to hang out with (the goth scene, geeks, LARPers, a cooperative living group, other Mad people...) Even when they're weird in different ways than me, it helps.
Please remember, nobody is normal. Normal is basically an average of all the people in your school / workplace / social group / subculture / town... Yes, there's a big group of people who all squish themselves into the space around "normal", mainstream, whatever, but even most of them have at least one facet of themselves that doesn't fit - they just hide it well.
I think a lot of people are weirdos in their own lives, but in public (at work, on the street, whatever) they put on their "public mask". They don't do this out of shame (ok, some probably do), but just to make life in those parts of their lives easier. At my last job I didn't want to explain/deal with reactions to me being polyamorous, or having C-PTSD, or no longer talking to my Dad, so I just didn't talk about those things.
When we're suffering, physically or mentally, it's so much harder to keep the mask on, especially when we're in such crisis that the pain spills out whenever we try to say hi.
Loneliness and isolation (particularly now) makes it harder. I hope you find the connections you need here, and hopefully at some point in your real life (I know how hard that is). You are not alone. I'm in a similar place to you. I know it will change, though, because it has in the past.
Thinking of you.
Thank you waylay. Hearing from other people and hearing their experiences has been SO THERAPEUTIC. Being told by someone who doesn't experience the depression and anxiety that "oh there's others like you" is not the same as actually hearing from people who have similar baseline feelings. I was always a very creative person and was lucky enough to be around other "artistic" types but throughout my life there's been times when I feel like I "out weird" the "weirdos". Rationally I know that part of that feeling if self alienation is the chemical imbalance but then it's a self fulfilling prophecy and I'm beating myself up. And I haven't done ANYTHING creative since it seems I've been on this latest round of meds (7 years) so any creative acquaintance gets bored with me really easy.
I know how you feel I try to talk to people and most of the time they ignore me dont give me the time of the day which makes me think I am crazy.
They have no idea how just a simple acknowledgement will change things. 💗
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