Really need help

[isin13955]

I really need help, I am desperate! My narc wife is driving me insane, I have been making a greater effort to not engage with her vitriolic outbursts but it seems the more I ignore her the worse it gets! I don’t know what to do, parting is not an option. I have reached the stage where I just want it to STOP and I don’t much care how!

[Hidden]

Hi isin13955, I’m sorry for your trouble. Have you considered therapy for yourself? Best wishes.

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

Hi, I have but it’s very difficult with the current mrestrictions as well as her obsession with not letting me out of her sight!

[Hidden in reply to isin13955]

I see. You may be interested in reading up on a term called “co-narcissism”? The painful irony is: in order to change her (if it’s even possible), is to change yourself first. Keep in mind, I am no expert. I could be completely wrong & you know your situation better than I. Good luck.

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

You may be right, I don’t know and I don’t really care anymore. I have tried everything, I have a mantra that I chant to myself when I’m being provoke which is TKN. What this means is that I do not react, verbally, unless what I say is True, Kind & Necessary. By doing this I am more likely to avoid confrontation.

[Hb2003]

You should Tell someone close to you how you feel I am so sorry about that much kindness and support -Hiba ✌️

[isin13955 in reply to Hb2003]

Thank you Hiba, I don’t have many people to confide in and those I have are known to us both and I don’t want to turn anybody against her.

[Hidden]

Have u sat down and spoken with her about this? If so, maybe it time to see a therapist to help sort your problems.

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

Married 33 years, I could write a book on failed ways of dealing with a narcissist! I’m done!

[Hidden in reply to isin13955]

I don't mean to laugh but the way you are saying it is funny. However I am sorry that you are faced with this problem. We are here for support

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks I’m quite a light hearted humorous person, I think, which also seems to be a source of irritation

[Hidden in reply to isin13955]

I did get that you were humorous but that cool though

[mehrohail]

Don't give up, You are doing the best you can. Look how far you've come.

-Offer encouragement and validation.

-People with narcissism typically respond well to praise.

-Understand when they're making progress.

-Therapy for narcissism can take a long time, and progress may happen slowly, Learn what apologizing behaviors look like.

Have a look might help you, ezcareclinic.com/best-menta...

Just keep going because strength grows in the moments when you think you cant go on but you keep going anyway.

[isin13955 in reply to mehrohail]

Hi thanks for your message. I agree with your point about praise as it is being sought constantly. Been married 33 years I am 65 and don’t have much longer thank god!

[AdamFCastillo31 in reply to mehrohail]

Thank you for this!

[isin13955]

Narcissistic

[spzgirl51]

Hello isin13955 ,

It’s very brave of you to post here. I have read the positive responses you have received.

I lived with a narcissistic husband and I understand how they devour another to feed their low self esteem.

Don’t be an enabler? You will probably be made to feel that everything at fault with your life and relationship would be better if only you changed that little bit more to show them you care? Until you are exhausted with the effort of second guessing in their next mood swing?

It’s like trying to run a mile wearing concrete boots. And you will probably be criticised for being slow and too stupid to really understand them?

Try and be kind to your own self? You allowed to have your own thoughts and needs in your own right.

For my own survival I had to leave my husband. If you are counting the days until you die and willing for an escape route : That is a torturous path for both of you?

Maybe specialist therapy could give you both better coping mechanisms ? But there is no magic cure?

For myself, I found help in forgiveness and a bit of mindfulness. But damage is lasting . Kindness is all....

[isin13955 in reply to spzgirl51]

Thank you for your reply, you really get what it’s like 🙏

[isin13955 in reply to spzgirl51]

My problem is that I am a total empath and will always rationalise or see the merits of all sides of an argument. I know my wife’s behaviour is linked to her childhood and I just wish there was some way to fix that. But as you probably know a narcissist never thinks there is anything wrong with them.

[spzgirl51 in reply to isin13955]

Hello isin13955 ,

You must love her very much to have stayed together so long despite it all?

Empathy is a wonderful quality.

I hope my last post wasn't too critical?

I don't feel qualified you advice?

Us humans are delicate and easily damaged by words, no matter what front we show to the world?

I hope you find a happier way forward for both of you.

This year been so challenging for everyone. Good luck

.

[isin13955 in reply to spzgirl51]

Thanks, no I didn’t find your words critical at all! In fact I can see a little of you in me .....always afraid you’ll say the wrong thing and upset someone?

[spzgirl51 in reply to isin13955]

isin13955 ,

Exactly right