praying for the 13

[prisonmike7]

I have been waiting for my therapist's office to open back up. i finally got word back that they were and i have an appointment the 13th of this month. i am really struggling to make it to the 13th. every day i wake i up just tell myself one day closer, just gotta make it until then. i recently got more motivation and even became more social with my friends and family. i was starting a workout group with them on fb and start working on helping my body feel better and healthier. i had planned on talking about how my anxiety has been through the roof this past like month and half has been. but i recently visited my sister at her new house and she just started in with all this family drama, how basically my mom was never around for them and didnt want them, even more just really heavy, emotional family stuff. i left feeling soo many different emotions.

i was: angry because my mom and dad micromanaged entire life, even found ways to do it when i went to a college out of state, to even now when i am about to be 24 do i fear them like i am a child. like my sister and i are 13 years apart and we just lived a completely different life. so im angry they werent there for my siblings, but micromanaged my life and made me fear so much.

im sad because it breaks my heart the stuff my grandma has gone through, my mom, my siblings.

im mad because they have just been putting up a front for all my life. like i get it you want to protect your kids, give them a better life than yours, but why act perfect and act like your life was when none of it is true. like i dont need fake perfect i need real. life isnt perfect, but its real. even the bad parts. thats what makes people real. i grew up with so much stress and pressure to be perfect, constantly told im a failure, deal with a lot of self confidence and self worth because of that.

im stressing because my birthday is the 11th of this month and idk if i can even be around them right now. even if i tried to talk to them they are never open to anything and have big denial issues. we all grew up learning that you dont talk about your problems and you just act like you are fine.

im sorry this is long i just need to get some of it out or i feel like im going to explode. idk how i am going to make it to the 13th.

[kv3011]

You got this! The 13th is so soon, and you have this app to help with with the bad days. Also, is your handle an ode to the office or were you actually a prisoner named Mike.. not hate just wondering because I love the office.

[prisonmike7 in reply to kv3011]

thank you! today is a new day and one day closer to the 13th and the office lol it is my favorite show