Praying for cure, living in hope.

[ElephantsHear]

Hi. I have depression and anxiety and I am looking for a support group and ways to cope. Nice to meet everyone. I ruminate about the past and a relationship I ruined (he forgive me but could never love me again). Anyone tell me how to stop rumination- getting busy doesn’t help because it still comes into my mind. Thanks for listening.

[hypercat54]

In a relationship it's rarely one person totally at fault and usually 6 of 1 and half a dozen of another.

You cannot change the past no matter how much you think about and regret it. It's impossible. All you can do is learn from it and move on. We all make mistakes in life because we are human and you are no different.

[ElephantsHear in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you! Appreciate your words.

[shodan95]

Hi! I don't have much advice on this subject, but can understand. Have you tried forgiving yourself for the mistakes and work on ways to not repeat them if you enter a new relationship?

[ElephantsHear in reply to shodan95]

Thank you for the reply. I am working on myself- no new relationships- I think I have to learn to love myself more before : )

[endofheartache1290]

I know exactly what you are going through as I am currently dealing with the same kind of thing. Going over every little detail from both sides and driving myself crazy with trying to figure out why everything happened. I don't have any advise for how to stop as I am currently struggling with this too. But I can say this. Learn to be kind to yourself. You are human and make mistakes. But those mistakes do not define who you are. You are the author of your own story and you get to choose what happens from this point forward. Good luck to you and I hope you find peace. If nothing else just know you are not alone in this pain.

[ElephantsHear in reply to endofheartache1290]

Thank you my friend! Your kind words really reached me. I'm sorry you're dealing with this also, but your story makes me feel less alone. We'll beat this soon- sending positive energy!

[kvolm2016]

Glad you are here and I think you will find the support and encouragement! Your post caught my attention because I just read this statement in an article this morning: "We forget that grief is not limited to the death of a person. We can grieve the loss of opportunities, relationships and the loss of self. You may be grieving the loss of what could have been had things been different. But it's not too late to heal the grief and find yourself again". (Dr. Caroline Leaf)Are you familiar with the stages of grief and how that grieving process leads to healing? If not, here is an article that explains it: bit.ly/3t3HOZ9

I hope this is helpful for you!

[ElephantsHear in reply to kvolm2016]

Thank you for your wise words

[ElephantsHear]

Thanks so much for the advise. I'm trying to stop myself mid-thought and remind myself to live in the present and count my blessings. I think I'm making progress because I finally got the courage to block him. TY

[Brighterdaysahead]

Hello..I know am 2months late 😂 I can totally relate to this...Woulda,Coulda,Shoulda...I hope you’ve managed to make progress...If so please share I’m still going through it 4months on 🥲

[ElephantsHear in reply to Brighterdaysahead]

Oh my friend, It’s been 20 years ago. I did something horrible that I can’t forgive myself for/ lost him 1 month before we were to get married. unfortunately he’s stayed on my mind due to social media and jealousy- he’s doing so well. He has a beautiful wife (9 years younger than me) and 5 kids. I loved him so much (feel like I still do, but guess it’s depression and self esteem). he messaged me in 2019 after years to say hello and Feb 2021 saying he gets to San Antonio from time to time and thinks of me every once in awhile. Didn’t ask me how I was and it was at 12 am (wife/ kids probably asleep)/ sex? It has to do with us I think (self esteem/ depression). Lots of hugs to you.

[Brighterdaysahead]

Mine only been 4months so guess I’ve a long way to go 🥲

[ElephantsHear in reply to Brighterdaysahead]

No, I’m sure you won’t (situation/ what I did was very unusual/ terrible). But if you do, realize living in the past and tearing down yourself for years has zero to do with a guy. He forgave me a long time ago and moved on. My friends think I’m crazy (social media doesn’t help me forget as I compare his life to my life). I have a counseling appt. Monday. Good luck to you!

[ElephantsHear in reply to ElephantsHear]

Btw Brighter Days PM me if you ever need to “talk it out”. Depression/ self esteem= faulty thinking. So maybe I can look at it with a different (and kinder) perspective than you do!

[Brighterdaysahead]

💕💕 Thank You So Much