I can’t

[ctel]

I am doing the best I can but it never feels like enough. I find myself in the same situations. I’m alone. People don’t understand me. I don’t understand me. I’m in pain and nothing seems to work. No amount of talking , patience or time has healed my broken heart. I’m not normal. I want to be normal so badly. Dating is hard. Making friends is even harder. Sometimes I ask myself why I’m still holding on

[PastelPink20]

Heyo. I responded to the other post and it’s like I missed part a) on a test question.

See? Now you know how awkward I am.

I’m glad you’re doing your best. It’s hard when you don’t feel like you’re enough... like you’re trying and you’re not going to get better.

You can. I believe that it’s possible. It make take a lot of time and a lot of change or whatever barriers that make us believe it’s impossible.

sometimes, we do get ourselves in similar situations because we keep making similar choices that aren’t good for us. It’s true, it can be hard to identify or modify those behaviors. Or like, we’re in environments we can’t control that are causing those situations.

Other times, we see things through the perspectives of what we’ve been through and we worry it’s happening again. Our perspectives can really be distorted :/ which is so wild. Like you know how films have an unreliable narrator and you’re so shocked to find out the truth? That’s an entertaining film, but a heck of a struggle in real life! lol!!!!

It’s okay to not understand ourselves sometimes, but it is frustrating to feel stuck in a rut. Hopelessness is all consuming feeling paired with loneliness that sinks us into the depths of ourselves, but we see nothing. No hope. No strength. No relationships (aka support).

It’s important to speak truth into our life. To identify that unreliable narrator. To tell ourselves things we don’t believe now, but will one day with time. I don’t know how old you are, how much time it’s taken for you, or who you’ve talked to...

I don’t know if any of my words offer solace or understanding. It sucks to be there. I’ve been there. Keep holding on. Fight for the sunshine in your life, the sun’s staying where it’s at but the Earth’s gonna keep moving. (Wow that does not sound as inspirational as I wanted it too).

I’m not normal either. I don’t know if normal exists, but I’ve envied those who I think won the life jackpot. I guess it’s nice to know what I want in life? Like, to be okay with being vulnerable and idk have parents who make jokes that make you laugh and stuff.

ANYWAYS,

Here’s a crisis text line: crisistextline.org

I don’t know which countries it works in, but you could give it a try. I think for the USA it’s 741741 text HOME and it’s different for Canada and the UK. I’ve talked to them. I can’t do phone calls so...

We could be friends though??!? I mean, you’d have to deal with me typing a bajillion words like this but, yeah. Let me know!!

Also sorry. Sorry if I’m very wrong or whatever. I don’t know, I’m trying to say what I’ve would’ve said to like myself??

[ctel in reply to PastelPink20]

Thank you so much. Taking time out of your life just to send this message means more than you know. I would love to have you as a friend. I think the support could really help me. Especially when it’s too much for my other friends.