anxiety vs sadness

[DistressedPoe]

i've felt my anxiety go down but now it's replaced by sadness. i feel worn out from all the worrying. i know it's not real. but now i just feel sad because while the thoughts keep bothering me, no instead of getting panicked and frantic all i feel is just...sad. sad because i miss who i was before, calm and carefree. sad because these thoughts keep coming and they keep messing with my head and now i just feel tired because : will i never be able to live normally the way i used to ? i feel strangely pressured and just...sad and deflated. i wish i could shut off my thoughts.

is this still anxiety or is it just a calmer version. i'd be happy for a second, then a thought would pop in my head and while i brush it off, it makes me sad because it's been here for a few days now.

[Kat63]

I can relate. When I’m not anxious, I’m exhausted. I remember I wasn’t always like this. I’ve had times in my life when I was confident and secure. I miss who I was before, and I miss the good parts of my life.

The last really good year I had was 2012. After that, it’s been a downward slide. Relationship troubles, job troubles. And the worst thing was that my mother died.

I’m no longer young; I’m 55 now, and the past 7 years have been a rough transition out of my youth. I had good things happen to me in my youth. I can’t help wondering sometimes if anything really good will ever happen to me again.

Lately, when I’m not as anxious, I realize that the best thing I can do is practice acceptance. But that is not an easy thing to do. It hurts to let go of ideas I had and dreams I had for my life. It’s scary to accept uncertainty about the future.

[DistressedPoe in reply to Kat63]

it is scary...and also, i think for me, i've been fighting this forever. and i remember getting depressed over it too. i remember feel scared and hurt every single time. i remember feeling numb and missing people i love. but i just...every time i get better and this happens it feels like im back on square one. im afraid again. im scared of the future not being how i want it. I KNOW it cant be exact. but....there are certain things i can control. and there are certain things i think of that arent even real but they scare me.

i remember once my brain said i didnt love the person i love most anymore. that i would leave him or hurt him. it hurt me so much because i could never do that. i dont want to do it. it tired me out and eventually i just became somewhat...sad. it happened again 10 months later. only because i didnt feel excited like i usually am once when he texted me. and it made me so sad. i thought about it and honestly ? i still loved him the same. but my brain made me doubt myself. i called him and we talked and now it's been 5 months since and i still love him the same if not more even though we're in different countries now. he's still my biggest comfort and i still long to see him.

this is how my brain plays tricks on me and scares me because once i even calmly said "who knows about the future and whether we'd be together ?" and now that thought just scares me and makes me agitated. i know its because i love him dearly and would never want to do that but...the fact that the thought of leaving him ever existed made me sad.

am i going crazy ? or is this normal ? im only 19 why am i so worried about the distant future ? why cant i just enjoy my present and stop worrying about what im NOT doing and focus on what i am ?

[Kat63 in reply to DistressedPoe]

I wish I had better answers for you. I’ve always had the same problem, all my life. Ever since I can remember I’ve worried about the future. In my lifetime, I’ve had only a few brief times of living in the present and being content.

[DistressedPoe in reply to Kat63]

its okay...you listening is enough.thank u