I'm new, looking for a good support group.

[GI233K]

Here's my story so far. Suffered some PTSD as a child, led to me being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder later on. Over the past few years, I've tried a couple things to manage it. I was originally prescribed Zoloft and Wellbutrin. Stopped taking Wellbutrin after about 6 months because of some of the side effects. Zoloft worked fairly well for a while, but I recently left my job with health insurance to work in the family restaurant. So I am without insurance and have no way to pay for any medical checkups. I have two beautiful children, 5 and 3. Currently going through a divorce. My partner got exhausted trying to help me out of my depressive episodes. I don't really harbor any hard feelings about that; I know it's tough to be with someone who has MDD. I just wish I did better at explaining how I was feeling to her. She moved in with her sister about 7 months ago. I have the kids on the weekends, which is great. I worry sometimes that my disorder will have a negative effect on them, though. Just trying to figure out how to build my life back up again. Thanks for the support

[AnxietySterling]

Hi, welcome. I am also new here. I have anxiety and I understand how hard is to explain to others how we feel. I think it makes no sense for someone that does not have these types of things to understand. I try to explain it to my husband and I think he believes i just need to relax and i wish it was that simple.

I do not think you can damage your kids at all because just with the way you write about them, I can see how much you love them. All you can do is your best and keep trying.

It takes a while to get over a divorce even if you do not have depression or anxiety. So just take your time and take it day by day. It will get better (I divorced in 2004). It will become your new normal.

I wish you the best.

[GI233K in reply to AnxietySterling]

Thanks for your kind words! It is tough, explaining to someone who doesn't suffer in the same way. I get a lot of "You need to get help." Etc. But most people don't understand with MDD, you don't want help, you don't want to get help, you just want it to stop hurting.

[AnxietySterling in reply to GI233K]

I am self employed so I understand the insurance issue. It is a pain. very high premiums and high deductibles. I do not want to get in your business but you could try to get insurance through the marketplace. It will help depending on your income.

I know we just want to get better but if you can try to see a psychiatrist. Many people do react well to some meds and you never know. Just do not close the door to that option. In our case exploring options help.

[tarpley1972]

Welcome to the group. I am commenting because I wanted to commend you for addressing your illness. Very few men deal with any mental issues they have...they tend to self medicate - and I wanted to let you know you should be proud of yourself. MDD is very challenging. Nice understatement huh? I am 46 years old and due to PTSD as a child, have suffered from MDD since I was a child. I have two beautiful 16 year old daughters and a wonderful husband. After being fairly symptom free for at least 15 years, I am currently in the middle of a rough episode (or - whatever you want to call it). While my children have insurance....my husband and I do not, therefore...no meds for me. The insurance prices I have checked would cost over $800 per month. For years I had a reasonable GP who would give me a yearly prescription for Prozac - which worked great. I have spent the last 6 months lying in bed, wondering why I can't force myself to get up, jog around the block...and do ANYTHING to help myself get better. Only two days ago ...the 'veil' of darkness' lifted a bit. I was thrilled to feel an emotion (other than sadness) for the first time in over 6 months. I find my depression to be a mystery in that my current depressive episode started for no valid reason. I don't know how long it will last.... Food is tasteless. Life has become an endless sea of ....gray nothingness. I even tried finding a physician online for a flat fee to simply write a prescription for Prozac or Effexor....you would think it would be simple - as these are anti-depressants rather than narcotics. I joined online program that I found through USAA - paid $40 only to find out that they don't treat any patients in the mental health range. I find it frustrating, and my children and husband are probably beginning to wonder if they are ever going to get their wife and mother back.