My husband is 88 and has been having treatment for kidney stones, 3 different ops within a short space of time, and is within a whisker of having to have dialysis.
My A/Fib has really come back and my bp which had been under control with no meds is now far too high and am taking increasing doses of candesartan (which I have because when I was not taking it when I did not need it they kept prescribing it on repeat prescription). I have had abdominal pains for over 6 weeks and after an ultra sound they have found a cyst of approx 6 cms on my remaining ovary. I am therefore on the waiting list for it to be removed by keyhole surgery. Am considered to be a urgent priority after def cancer patients which is eminently reasonable. Unfortunately there is a min waiting time of over 6 months so I am trying to go privately which will cost a fortune. I feel I need to do it so that I can be strong for my husband and so that the cyst will not turn cancerous and at least the abdominal pain can be removed.
The A/fib sometimes makes me feel shaky and anxious even if I do not show it. I try to breathe slowly through the nose and out through the mouth. I sniff lavender oil and make sure I am hydrated. Eat lots of fruit and veg and am gluten and dairy free. Have not told the family about me because they have enough to worry about with my husband. His third op Sat week.
I take Apixaban 2.5mg x 2 daily.
I feel there is no point in trying to go to my GP and trying to get an appointment with a cardiologist.
I sometimes feel overwhelmed by everything but no-one who has not experienced A/Fib can properly understand. I look normal.
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GrannyE
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What could he do? I am hoping that when my husband has had his third op on Sat week. and has recovered from that my stress levels will come down as will my bp and the A/F might become less of a problem again. I need to get my op sorted too. At least I can share on this forum
Personally, I think you are in need of a lot of tlc. Those of us who have experienced dealing with illness affecting our nearest and dearest when you haven’t got a close family will understand what you are going through but I urge you to rethink your decision not to at least let them know what’s going on. Obviously I don’t know your family circumstances, but even your nickname suggests that you think the world of them. Just think for a moment how you would feel if your parents were going through what you are now and they didn’t share with you their fears and concerns.
You felt able to share it with us, so why not give it a try and reach out to them and at least give them a chance to let them help you both get through this ordeal….best wishes.
So agree with your answer. And sometimes a good cry and acknowledging we are overwhelmed is like taking the lid off the pressure cooker. Stress really affects AFib.
Dear Granny, first of all, my greatest sympathy to you in your situation. Secondly, please share with your GP and family. Your GP should be aware of your problems if only because he/she will be involved in sorting care should you break down! I speak from experience, my mother was suffering from serious symptoms but didn’t want to talk about it much and I was very preoccupied with my own life. My mother was very big on stoicism and tended to treat childhood complaints about illness as incipient hypochondria and I’m afraid I hadn’t learnt anything different and didn’t act as positively as I should have. I still feel guilty that I didn’t pick up how much she needed help and tbh the hints that I conveniently ignored. So you should speak honestly to your family, then it’s their choice to support you or not. Your husband is obviously getting medical care and you deserve care as well 💞
I’m so glad you have the op booked out so soon. Once you are through that and your husbands surgery I am sure things will calm down for you. Your AFib acting up is from stress I’m sure and we can’t just turn that off unfortunately. Sending you a virtual hug, a big one and know that we are behind you and understand what you are going through. 🤗🤗
I'm so sorry you have so much to deal with at the moment, GrannyE. The illness of a spouse is an immense source of stress and worry and so many of us on this forum have and are going through the same thing.
You need support to help you deal with your own pain and illness and to be reassured that your husband is being supported too. Your GP should be able to help with advice and perhaps support from a nurse or carer to help - it's worth having a talk with him/her as soon as you can.
Family members cannot help if they are unaware of what you are going through. Is there one relative who would come and talk through what you have told us and then be there for both of you?
Don't try to soldier on alone - very best wishes to you and your husband.
Please do speak to the GP , you may not need to see a Cardiologist but the GP may be able to help with advice about medication instead. They may well suggest the best dose of Candesartan for you at the moment as well as being able to do some basic tests.Most importantly, you need to let them know how much your current health problems and the stress of looking after your husband is affecting you because this will be therapeutic if you don't feel you can discuss this at home and it might help improve your chances of having your cyst removed more quickly or get a proper assessment of how big a cancer risk you would have and how long you could wait treatment safely . The GP will also be able to help give you some sort of pain relief suitable for gynaecological pain.
I know you don't want to add to other people's worries especially as your family will be concerned about your husband but you do need extra support and care too , even if it is only mental health relief and support from being able to be honest about how you are feeling both mentally and physically.
Honesty , done in simple terms and a positive way, with friends and families is a cornerstone to keeping healthy.
You can just explain to them , in confidence from your husband. that you don't want them to worry about you but that these things are happening and this is how it's making you feel.
You could even ask if it's possible for you to get a bit more day to day support , or the odd few hours break to get out on your own by having someone taking turns in being with your husband so that you can find it easier to relax and cope with your own symptoms too. A bit of " Me " Time , even if it's just the odd hour at a cafe , a club you e been missing, or a place you love with a friend to chat to us important to stop any Carer keep healthy even if they don't have the health problems we do. Stress relief is vital for everyone, but particularly people with cardiac issues.
You can't put off looking after your health needs to look after others indefinitely. If you do you can run the risk of becoming like an overwound clock and find that you become unable to help anyone , including your husband and yourself.
Take care , and try to rest as much as you can when you can , hugs , Bee
thanks Bee. I am coping at the moment. We have my husband’s 88th here tomorrow with lots of family coming. Our daughter and younger son and grandson are doing the catering. I am just getting the dining room ready for twelve and setting the table. Quite enough for me to do. They all wanted to come over and know my husband’s dietary requirement with his CKD.
Your both keeping things going better than me. It's my birthday on Sunday and I'm only 52 and my daughter's wanted to come home to do something and I've graciously declined.Even minor efforts at celebrating leave me too pooped at the moment and I think I've reached a point in life when I can stop doing things that I don't get much enjoyment from, especially on my birthday.
I'm just going enjoy a little walk if weather allows and a cuddle on the sofa with my hubby while watching a film.
Even cake is going out of the window until I have my oral surgery done.
Have fun at your party. Just make sure the do all the clearing and washing up afterwards as well! 😉😆😆😆
It is as much as I can do to sort my op out and set the table for 13 and a 1 year old. Have yet to complete doing that. The family really wanted to come and my husband is looking forward to it.I have not made a cake. Hopefully they will clear up and I don’t need the dining room until Christmas, except the table is my ‘pending tray’. BP still high even though I am swallowing bp pills morning noon and night. Hoping it will settle down after tomorrow.
Have a lovely cosy birthday on Sunday. We have def reached a point in life when we can stop doing things which we do not enjoy only things tend to get in the way sometimes.
No better , no worse , so a good day, thanks so much for asking. How are you ? Have you recovered from your party?
How is your husband doing?
I did manage to get out for a walk in the woods and got to take some photographs of red squirrels. It was a quiet and relaxing day.
Just preparing my body for my COVID jab , both my hubby and myself have an afternoon date at the vaccination clinic on Saturday. Who said romance is dead?!💉😆😆😆
Husband’s op is tomorrow. He is doing well considering.
I am not having the C jab cos of dreadful reactions to 4 out of the 5 of them although husband fine. flue jab booked. Feeling less stressed now that my op is booked although privately. Saw schoolfriend whom I have known for 68 years here yesterday. That was great. She lives in KL so visits infrequently. Telephone appointment with GP on Thursday. Still in A/F Masses of gardening to do before my own op. After which I doubt that I will be able to put my large garden to bed.
Feeling fortunate that we are not in a flood plain.
Take it slow with plenty of rests if your going to do the big garden winter clear down to try to help manage the AF as well. You want to be calm without symptoms for your operation , I've had a few small procedures cancelled before because my heart wasn't willing to play well.Weathers awful here and reminding me that I need to get my friend to clip back the branches on one of our trees as it keeps knocking on the bedroom window to come in on windy nights ( and it's Wales so winter is just windy).
Good Luck to your husband. I'm sure it will go well. Try not to go mad tidying while he is in hospital and give yourself some rest and time to relax your symptoms when you have those few days off carer duties. It will help make you operation ready yourself.
Thanks Bee. I have been up a ladder today clearing out some gutters with plants growing out of them and clearing a flat roof of chestnuts and leaves and debris galore. Managed to come in after the yard lights came on. One more job done! Could not do that after my op.
Gosh you are full of energy and put me to shame.I should invite you over here my gutters look like seventies rockers at the moment , and the only reason the flat roof is clear is because the jackdaws pinch whatever lands on it!
Whilst I agree with the above posters about speaking to your GP and family, another alternative (or as well as) for you to speak freely might be just to call The Samaritans ??- they obviously won't be able to give you medical support but you obviously need mental support but don't want to seek it so not to burden your family in this very trying time. Maybe speaking to an external, objective person anonymously might allow you to just get things off your chest... it won't help you medically but might help your mental health.
I do hope you get medical help - as you rightly say, it sounds like your husband is going to need you to be strong (and the rest of the family) so its doubly worrying for you that your own health is not good either.
NB I met a friend last week that I hadn't seen in 4 months and despite hearing about the woes of my frozen shoulder (agony) and AF related issues (many), he closed by saying "I know you aren't very well but you do look really well"...🤨... so I totally understand your comment about you 'looking normal' but clearly feel anything but.
Thx Granny E, done all three, none were any use. Now know Frozen shoulders can last anything up to 2 years or more. Only thing that helped/does help is guided ultrasound cortisone injections.. anyway this is not about me, I only mentioned it in in ref to your comment about people saying you looked "normal". I hope you find some outlets to support you.
So very sorry to read this and can relate having been through this during 2022 with my husband, now thankfully in reasonable health but at 84 every day brings a new problem. I am not in the best of health myself and last week went to see an Oral Surgeon for repeated saliva gland problems, at the end of my appointment his young nurse asked me to fill in a form for The Wellbeing Service, a free service offering help and support and yesterday I received a phone call from them and they told me what was available, I was amazed! This is a free service and available so shows there is help and support out there. I live in Essex but imagine this service is available countrywide in the UK so it might be worth your while to look into this. I would also add that now is the time to consult with your Family, they need to know what's going on and in spite of the fact that you do not want to 'burden' them they will feel awful to think you are going through this alone. We all put on a brave face with our children but there are times when we should share and let them take a little of the stain and it will help you to feel that you are not alone. If there is help and support out there, which I know there is, then please take it, share the load as this is not the time to try to battle on alone. Sending my very best wishes to both you and your husband x
Thank you. I will wait until my husband’s op is over in a week’s time which will be 3 weeks before my op. I am so lucky that I have friends who can pick me up from the hospital if needs be.
Sorry to read this. Blearyeyed writes it so well. Look after yourself and cut down on prep for the party. Can a family member help.I have experience of running around after my husband when he wasn't well to the detriment of my health, mental and physical. All the best to you and your family
Dear Granny, you poor love you are going through such a lot at the moment and need all the TLC you can get. I can empathise with your reasons for not wanting to contact your GP but you never know they might just surprise you this time. You might just ring at the right time, speak to the right receptionist and get the help you so obviously need. Maybe speak to your local pharmacist? They are minds of information and can often help with all manner of things.
I can fully understand your hesitancy for not telling your family and especially not with your husbands party so close but you need to share what is going on for your own sake. Even if they can’t help with the kind of help you need they can be there to listen, comfort and do practical things to ease your situation. It may help your husband too to see you having help and not running yourself ragged.
I hope all goes well and you have a lovely day Sunday. Please ask for help clearing up. I hope all goes well for both your surgeries too. Take care Granny. xxx
I am sure they will help with the clearing up and whatever is not done I can do slowly overtime and just shut the dining room door. Not a problem thx.
On Monday will speak to the receptionist at the surgery and inform her of my operation date to put in my notes and talk to her about my bp And A/F. Don’t suppose it will actually generate an actual appointment.
Hi GrannyE. Can you set aside some ‘me’ time each day. Are you able to attend a class of your choice - art, singing, Pilates or yoga? Maybe you attend church and can get involved in the community in some way. Look forward to some time out. It’s a period of renewing and strengthening. I have AF too and in my past I taught yoga which although I physically do not practice today because of osteoarthritis, I do practice the fundamentals - breathing, meditation, contemplation and simple exercises (asanas). I do meet up with friends weekly for a chat and a cuppa and bimonthly my school friends of 60 plus years (8 of us). I also attended, until Covid days, singing and art classes which sadly didn’t happen again after covid but I will find other classes when I’m ready. Good luck with your operation and I hope you’re soon up and about again and your hubby’s condition is stabilised. 🐝
You’ve been given lots of excellent advice and suggestions by everyone else. You certainly need lots of TLC! 🥰
I understand completely your reluctance to share what’s going on for you and how bad you really feel. I’m in a very similar situation myself, although a few years younger. I too don’t share much with family. We want to protect them from the extra anxiety don’t we? They have enough concerns with their own families.
Like you, I look well on the outside: as well as AF, I have hypothyroidism…again, something which doesn’t show on the outside. Friends frequently remark how well I look.
I think the suggestion of contacting Samaritans might be well worth considering, as well as sharing with your family. As I understand it, we don’t have to feel suicidal to call Samaritans, I also think it’s very important that your GP knows how you are: if only so that he/she can treat you properly in the future.
Make the most of those times you can get out to play golf and bridge. And my heartfelt warm wishes and hugs to you…
Gosh I feel for you. Too much all in a short time. It's difficult to cope with when you have AF. Wishing you well, hope all goes well with your husband. Lucky man having someone who puts him first. ❤️I understand how you feel. I'm having 3rd Ablation, next Friday. Good luck to you both
definitely speak to the GP, or several if one is not listening! Have a meltdown if necessary too! If the GP knows of the problems with your husband too, and the situation, it is grossly unfair to just 'put you on the list'. if they know how much you are dealing with, I'm sure you would be seen as a priority. Also, not sure if you should be taking meds for a current issue even if they WERE prescribed you some time ago. Repeat prescriptions still have to be ordered, they aren't repeated ad lib in their entirety. You should involve the family as well, there is little point in hubby getting better if you are not able to look after him OR yourself!
We have just had 14 of them here including our 15month old great granddaughter, two of our children and their families and lots of grandchildren two including two with their partners for my husband’s 88th. Our two children did all the cooking and lots of clearing up but I am now completely exhausted and sitting on a tennis ball to try and stretch the muscle,with my feet up.
Best wishes for you and your husband for successful ops. I know it's hard to relax in circumstances like yours but please do try to stay calm. Best of luck too x
I cannot offer any helpful advice, except to say that my (grown up) daughter was really upset that initially we hid my AF diagnosis from her. She wanted to be supportive and could not understand why, in her view, we thought she couldn’t be trusted to deal with it.
All I can do though, is send love and healing wishes that both of you will have much improved health in the not too distant future.
We are all thinking of you and wishing you well again. You are not alone. “ All will be well. All manner of things will be well.” ( Julian of Norwich / mystic.)
A lot of us have had AF. It’s not nice. Don’t despair though….wishing you well.
Hello my lovely, although I agree with the advice given there are somethings you can do to help yourself practically. When you are stressed it is using up your magnesium stores more quickly so try to either take a decent supplement or foods containing plenty (I noticed you don’t eat dairy). Another good way is to soak in a bath containing Epsom salts for around 12 minutes-though dontytry to wash your hair in it as it will feel frazzled. My friend doesn’t eat dairy and he has developed huge stones in both kidneys. Have you been told what the stones are made up from as sometimes it isn’t just calcium, though if it was it could also indicate an imbalance of calcium to magnesium in your diets maybe? Bear in mind also that basically put, calcium contracts your muscles whilst magnesium relaxes it (including your heart and blood vessels) so having an effect on your BP and AF. Magnesium deficiency is also heavily involved in anxiety and mental health along with vitamin B12. Another thing to ask your doctor for is a vitamin B12 blood test as this deficiency too is involved with many diseases including heart disease. The doctor won’t treat you unless you are very low so in my opinion anything under 400ng/l then maybe consider a B12 supplement too? Or even add liver to your menu more often etc If you have coeliac disease or other bowel issues then you will have less than optimum absorption abilities for many nutrients so please see your doctor for an M.O.T and keep yourself on the road. All my love, best wishes and common sense advice. I get my Epsom salts fairly cheaply from Home Bargains and it’s available even in Morrisons etc though not as cheap. Enjoy your retail therapy and take it as easy as you can 👍🥰🥰👍
thank you for this. I do take a B complex and extra Vit B 12 3 times a week as well as a magnesium complex plus a mag taurate with Cherry C in the evening. Take the prescribed iron in the morning.well away from the mag
Not sure of the bracelet? I used to have lambs liver fairly regularly until I realised the amount of benzene it contained so now just 1/week 🥺 I had a watch that the back eroded down to it’s copper base and although I loved the watch I couldn’t cope with the green wrist ha ha I looked moldy at the edges 😂
I take a mag taurate too! My girls all berate me as a hypocrite as I wouldn’t allow their ‘energy’ drinks across the doorstep and emptied them down the sink if I found them in the fridge 😂😂😂
I don't have much to add to what others have said on the forum (I get posts a little later here in the US), except that perhaps your GP should know about what you're going through, that he may have suggestions you may not have thought of. I've been through a major culmination of events like you're having, and I hate to say the old standby, but just take it one day at a time. Get that operation taken care of to alleviate your pain so you can deal with your husband better. Your a-fib could maybe take a back seat then, since pain certainly triggers a-fib, at least in me. Best wishes to you.
Hi GrannyE. Iam really sorry that you are experiencing a hard time with your health at the moment. The best thing that you can do is to tell your family & friends what you are going through. Experiencing A/Fib is a worrying time for anyone who has this kind of problem, people don't really understand what's happening to you until they experience the issue with themselves. I experiencing the same nearly very day now for ages, I have been to see my GP to explain what iam feeling and still to this day iam not getting any help with it. Iam not seeing the cardiologist for the first time until the end of March 2024, so it will be 1 year for waiting, I think that is too long too wait. If you need to talk to anyone there is plenty of people on this group will always listen and give some sort of advice. Take care.
Today I saw a surgeon privately and he will be doing the op on the 14th November. Apparently I have a cyst the size of an orange on my ovary which accounts for my pain.
Had my husband’s 88th last Sat. Two of our children did all the cooking and a grandson did a lot of washing up. I have now done all the clearing up.
Phoned the GP and I have a telephone appointment Thursday of next week. Will speak to him about my raised bp and my A/Fib not being the best.
Birthday party went very well. There were 14 family.
Got a telephone appointment with GP next Thursday. Earliest I could get.
Private op booked for 14th November. Will cost an arm and a leg but I did not feel I could last for over 6 months feeling like this with the cyst becoming even larger. At present surgeon says it is the size of an orange. Have told friends now but not family which will do next week after husband’s op.
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Heart in constant a fibrillation, help advice
A-fib free since ablation 18 months ago but now suggesting Apixaban
Waiting time for ablation 
