I felt the symptoms returning, but like a toddler I refused to admit it to myself.
Last night I had a full, nasty attack while sitting in the bleachers at a festival with my family. It was terrifying because we were far out in the country, very much removed from any medical assistance. The feeling of looking into the eyes of my 12 year old son as he rubbed my arm and told me in a wobbly voice, "It's okay Mom. It's okay. I'm here for you Mom."
Hell.
It's been EXACTLY a year since I ended up in the hospital the first time with heartbeats nearing 300 for days on end that the docs could never get under control with medications no matter what they gave me. Finally having ablation after fighting with my insurance company, but in the meantime missing months of work. The idea of going through all of that again is just more than I can stand right now.
Sorry...I just needed to vent to people who would understand.
Written by
cdeterra
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Oh bless ya. I so feel your despair. Been there too many times scared witless, worried about being so far from medical assistance, seeing my family upset and trying not to show it. It is horrendous.
My hospital experiences have been similar too days of worry and feeling dreadful converted chemically eventually and ntravenous morphine for excrutiating chest pain. Days and days in hospital. (Last visit early hours of last Monday but had a fairly speedy return to nsr so came home without days in coronary care).
The fear of the next episode is a trial to say the least. We never know when, where or the intensity of another episode so we live with a virtual time numb strapped to our chest.
So I understand completely how you feel. Have you thought of seeking psychological support. I have just started seeing someone who specialises in helping people with acute and/or chronic health issues of all kinds.
The sun will shine for you again take heart we are all in the same or similar boat and here to understand and support each other. Take care, big cyber hug sent to you.
Bad luck. Not nice I know but things could be a lot worse though no doubt you can't see that right now. Vent as much as you like but do something positive, like ring your EP and speak to his secretary about the way forward.
I hope that you will find it isn't as bad second time round and that this will be a short term problem. It all contributes to the overall picture - not one any of us likes, but perhaps this time it can be sorted for you. I do hope so.
Just a long-shot maybe, but the anxiety of an attack can make it a lot worse, it certainly does in my case. Let's face it, you'd have to be pretty daft not to be scared if your ticker ain't ticking as it should, that's normal especially when you have you young son with you! I've had some real bad attacks, and my GP gave me some anti-anxiety pills only to take in such situations, as they are addictive. I've only had to resort to them a few times and they helped a LOT, as in say an 80% reduction in the attack, I was amazed (and pleased). Funnily enough, now I know my "head" makes things worse, I only very rarely have to take one.
Koll, until I read your post I forgot that my doc had given me a scrip for a med to help with anxiety. I had been feeling so good I completely forgot about it. Thanks for the reminder and the support!
I do know how you feel. I am currently in the same boat but feel better now I have booked a private appointment with my E.P. for this Thursday. Otherwise I would have to wait till November to see him. I need to feel that I know what the plan is from here then I will feel back in control. Hope you get some help soon.x
Thanks everyone for the supportive words. I know what I have to do and I'm ready to do it. I guess I just felt "attacked" by the attack because I didn't want to believe it. I'm 51, in great shape, and feeling fine, going along happy as you please, and WHAM...AFIB was back.
It helps so much to log into this community and know that there are others out there who understand the anxiety, and frustration that goes along with this thing. So glad I found this resource!
Aww, just remember you are NOT alone. We keep being told not to worry yet when in the midst of a full blown AF 'episode' all that goes out the window and it can be terrifying. More so in front of children. I work with out of school club and have had to tell the kids a little of what happens, without scarying them....it's to prevent them from panicking! I'm sure your son was very brave and his support must have given you loads of comfort.
I myself have PAF and I feel, it's a case of 'let's try this next' with the medical guys as the meds I am on control it for ages them wollop...it's back!
I have the added thing of being adopted therefor have no medical history which may or may not have helped.
I hope you are well again and good luck with whatever comes next and tell that son of your's that he did well to comfort his mum as he did!
Ended up hospitalized with a rather horrid episode, and the cardiologist and electro-physiologist determined that a recent increase (by a different physician) in one of my migraine medications was the culprit. They have since reduced the medication back down to the prior dosing schedule, and I'm starting to feel good again.
Hallelujah!
Fingers crossed that this ends the "blue period" for me!
In the meantime, thanks to all of you for your support. This community means so much to me!
Cdeterra, u need to get yourself alivecor ecg machine that works with your mobile, it used to pick up my af every go as i was always in af, it really does work!now i had ablation it always comes back as normal when i do the ecg and hopefully will stay that way, its so reassuring and calms me down that little bit more if i feel im having a funning turn to know my heart is beating ok, and if it does revert back u can catch it early, i think its brilliant
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feeling very blue :-(
Depressed and anxious because of Afib
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