My beautiful husband succumbed to complications from prostate cancer this morning at 4:21 AM. If you look at our profile, we tried everything and finally I gave him some testosterone gel during his last week on earth. It’s impossible to tell whether it made a difference, but I do believe that denying men testosterone is a blunt instrument that causes significant harm in other parts of their bodies. My husbands body was ravaged and I don’t believe it was only from the cancer. Not to mention his quality of life suffering from lack of testosterone.
I urge men who have tried everything and still their cancer is resistant to androgen deprivation to look for another way to fight the cancer. I gave everything I could to my husband, and that is my one regret.
I probably won’t be around here much longer. I wish everyone the best. Another thing—try to spend as little time in a hospital as possible and get out as soon as you can. The hospital will disorient and debilitate you.
Written by
Chris_Ali
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I am sorry to hear your news. It sounds like the last several months have been extremely hard on both you and your husband. He is at rest now and eventually you will need to find peace as well. God Bless.
You did everything you could have possibly done for your husband. I believe he is in paradise now, in a better place than anything we can even imagine. Please try to take good care of yourself.
Lest anyone reading this thread think that it is a good idea to add gasoline to the fire, let me explain that with polymetastatic PCa the androgen receptors on cancer cells become "amplified" which means the cancer gets more sensitive than ever to even the least little bit of testosterone. It becomes more important than ever to continue ADT. Continuing ADT prevents pain, even in men who are castration resistant.
Even the most avid proponents of BAT will not give testosterone to symptomatic men. BAT has never been shown to prolong survival even in asymptomatic men. Like all experimental therapies, it should only be done in a carefully monitored clinical trial.
My Joe’s onc said the same thing about hospitals, and advocates staying away from them when possible.
I wish you peace and comfort in the knowledge that you walked fully through this journey with him. And now you have both been released from this horrid battle.
Metastatic PC is a cancer that creates layers upon layers of trauma, for those who survive it. And a complex loss for the spouses left behind. What works for one person, sets the cancer on fire in another. To the smartest Doctors, it’s a baffling disease. Walking along side as a support to your husband, through the ravages of MPC, makes you a hero IMO. I hope you find acceptance of that which you never had any control over.
May you be able to set the regrets aside. There is always something more we might've, could've done. You did what you could, and it was generous and sacrificial of you. Praying for peace.
Heartfelt condolences. It is not easy to bear such a loss. Try not to focus on what more could have been done. This illness is difficult on the patient and their families. Hope that you can find the energy to deal with whatever the near future holds.
Very very sorry for your loss. I believe you’re correct regarding the loss of testosterone. It’s a reason there’s increasing discussion re ADT “holidays.” May your husband now RIP.
Re: “The hospital will disorient and debilitate you”
That’s been my experience as well, no particular person is to blame as it’s the protocols to be blamed. I even asked for a patient advocate to explain my circumstances and was denied as they never showed up. When you start to feel confined beyond anything you have experienced and being denied because of all the cables hooked to you that again is protocol becomes very restrictive to getting the blood to circulate in the body. We all know the importance of exercise as well normal movement we are accustomed too. Having that taken away is absolutely mind bending. In my mind I will reserve that protocol the day I enter Hospice.
I’m very sorry for your loss, another brave warrior lost to this terrible disease. Clearly you have advocated for him strongly, a loving partner in his sad journey. You have wrapped him in your loving care , no one could ask for more than that, he was so lucky to have you there at his side.
I sending out a big warm ehug to you, I hope your grief subsides quickly. 🌹
May your dear Husband rest in eternal peace and tranquility...And may the memories of the two of you together fill your life with the feelings of the love for each other.. God Bless..
Another way too young victim of this terrible disease which continues to allude our best efforts to vanquish it. And sometimes the cure is as bad as the disease. I hope that you can console yourself in the knowledge that you were there for your husband during trying circumstances and no doubt were a great source of solace for him.
I'm sorry to hear that your husband is gone. I wish you the best in dealing with the grief. You will get to rest from the caregiving, and that's a mixed blessing. But caregiving takes a lot out of you-- I can speak from experience, there. It will help to be free of the worries that come with the battleground.
Am so very sorry for your loss. It is heart wrenching to just think of loosing my husband to his battle with prostate ca. I can only imagine how devastating it is to have lost your husband and my heart goes out to you. May God Bless you.
I am so sorry for your loss it's clear you loved your husband very much However my oncologist refuses to even consider BAT he credits ADT for me being where I am in my treatment 5 years on stage 4 Gleason 9
It slows us down and we get tired much faster but I am still here doing pretty much everything I used to do but slower for a lesser duration
I understand your point I do and we can love someone to death
You meant well I am certain but I will not question those who know much more than I do
Very sorry for your loss. The whole issue of testosterone regulation and bi-polar studies of alternating testosterone illustrate that we do not yet fully understand the role of testosterone in the progression of prostate cancer. I agree that it is a blunt instrument. However, our oncologists are recommending these treatments because that is what is available to FDA approved western medicine. It's obvious to me that the dynamics of this disease are really a mystery to the medical profession.
They are working hard to untie the gordian knot of its mutating nature and their inability to track it with imaging until PSA levels rise an dteh disease progresses.
Your husband probably got the best treatment his doctors were able to provide but maybe the quality of life might have been better had they offered the testosterone earlier, instead of trying to treat his disease to the very end.
You should take solace in the fact that you did the best you could under the circumstances to advocate for him and provide him aid and comfort. You were his angel and now it is time to grieve and at some point, it will be time to enjoy life again. He is at peace and you must live this new paradigm of your life to its fullest!
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My beautiful brave, kind, husband and partner is free from prostate cancer. 
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