Fellow warriors, he’s gone. My sweet loving and loved husband Barry. Over 30 years with him. He passed Saturday afternoon July 25th. It looked like we had more time, he was ready to start a new medicine, went in hospital with nausea, expected to be home in days, and then...suddenly it went bad. We couldn't even bring him home for the last day. Diagnosed August 2019 with extensive bone mets, symptom-free over seven months despite resistance to his meds. He was extra sweet during his illness. Daughter Nadine was with us at the hospital, we were with him when it happened, stayed overnight Friday the 24th with him. She gave him music on the mandolin during Thursday through Saturday, I sang, we all held hands. Son Erek and his dear wife Kate were nearby but couldn't get in. Erek Kate and Nadine left last Sunday Aug 9th.
I don't know what I'll do without him. We were together 30 years, I would have loved the opportunity for 30 more.
I thank everyone for your loving support and community. For all of you I hope for the best of times even as you battle this awful disease.
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Barbara345
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Barbara, I am filled with sorrow at your loss. I know how valiantly you sought the next therapy for him. It's as if that miserable disease scoffs at us. How lovely that he was surrounded by his family at the end.
Thank you so much, Tall_Allen for the kind words. It has been indeed a tough path -- I miss him terribly, am grateful for family and friends, and for memories. Thanks so much for the help you gave me and Braary, and for the help and support you're continuing to share with the rest of us. I hope you are managing to thrive and find some joy yourself even as this miserable disease messes with so many of us.
Wishing you lots of hugs and strength. He was a lucky man to share love with you.
Barbara, You have been very proactive in gathering information always, be proud for all you’ve done. Really sorry to hear about this. May you be given enough strength and achieve peace...
Thank you so much for the kind words. Yes my son and daughter, and daughter-in-law as well was community have been a huge help. Hoping for the best for you as well.
I’m so sorry, Barbara. It must have been hard to write this. Your husband could not have had a better caregiver and advocate during his treatment. I hope you can take some solace in knowing that you did everything you could to help Barry.
Thank you so much for the kind words! It was hard to write, yet important to share, It was an honor to have had over 30 years with Barry, and to care for him --- I had hoped we would have had much longer. I hope for the best for you as well on your journey,
“ He was xtra sweet during his illness” This says so much about the man .. Thank you for sharing what I think is a beautiful send off. Your love will carry him from here. No more suffering .. peace to you Barbara . 🙏
Thanks so much for your kind and personal words -- it means a lot! Yes, he was an amazing man, and I continue to appreciate the many gifts from he gave to me and to others as well. Although it's been extremely hard, community has mattered. Much love and hopes for the best for you as well.
As a man who Also has this awful disease, I want you to know how it feels to have a wonderful wife like you by my side every day. It means everything. We never feel alone or unloved. It makes the pain bearable. Thank you Barbara and all the wives and children and friends that stand by us. But we ask one more thing of you. Cry and mourn but for a short while. You were there when we needed you most. Now That we are gone, please take care of yourself and find joy in your remaining life. And never ever feel guilty that you are here and we are gone because you were everything you could be while we were here.
Thank you so very very much for your wonderful note! !!! I took a long break from MaleCare, just saw this, that can bring tears to my eyes. Yes I will listen to you -- I was a lucky woman to have been with him over 30 years. It was my honor to care for him, and of course I miss him so much. I received so many gifts of love from him over the years that I can still treasure. I'm glad you have the support of your wife, and hope for the best for you. Thank you again for the gift of your caring.
I am always saddened to hear about a loss of another one of our comrades. Barry's passing is another example of how fragile life is and reminds us to cherish our loved ones and friendships while we can. I'm sure that his loving family helped accepting life's inevitable conclusion more manageable.
Truly sorry to hear this news about your husband, Barbara - I know words are utterly helpless now, but you have an incredible family, and all of you came together to support your husband, and that's truly an incredible thing!
Its a horrible emptiness thats left when they go i lost my steve in January last year miss him every single day but sadly life must go on and it does you have family you need to be strong for them as they for you and yes it hurts every single day even now but i sit and have my quiet moments with him as you will keep strong if u ever want to talk im here xx
Thank you so much for standing with me. The love from you and from this warrior community means a lot to me as I go through this, and meant a lot while we were fighting as well. . The best to you too!!!
What a beautiful tribute to a fellow warrior and what a warrior women you have been. Your words were so heart felt to me, my condolences to you and your family in this sad time.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes he was a wonderful man, and I have so many gifts from him to treasure --- it was an honor to care for him. I hope for the best for you as well in your journey.
I hope you find peace and comfort Barbara in awareness of the strength of character on exhibit by your husband Barry and his loving family. Memories are everlasting.
Thank you for your kindness. Yes, it is horrendous, and I know I'm not the only one who goes through this. I hope for the best for you as well in the midst of it.
My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. It is an awful loss, I hope that memories of happier times together will sustain you through this difficult period.
Thank you so much for your understanding as another suffering through this terrible loss. I'm happy that we had the time we had. I hope for the best for you.
Thank you so much for your kindness. Yes, it was wonderful to have been with him for so long, there are many memories and gifts that I received that can be treasured.
Hi Barbara, so very sorry to hear of your husbands passing My name is Lynn, have not been on here for a while.. I share your pain...my husband passed this past October 21st ... fought this disease for almost ten years. Like your husband never complained, always so positive.this past Aug.9th would have been Sam’s 76th Birthday.. I cried all day,...we were married Fifty seven years, a life time..... missing him everyday.. it’s such a heartache, one day at a time!
Sending prayers, love and strength during these hard days. 💗🙏💗
Thank you Lynn for your kindness. I appreciate your sharing, as another woman whose husband passed too soon. Sam sounds like a wonderful man as well --- perhaps he and Barry would have enjoyed meeting. I hope you can stay strong as well, thank you again, and the best to you too.
Barbara - I'm so sorry for your loss. Cherish the memories of the happy times with Barry and these will help you get through the dark days and move forward.
It saddens me to hear of your husband's passing. What a lucky man he was to have you and Nadine by his side. What a gift your presence was!
It takes time. The pain will, oh yes, a pain that can be as intense as physical pain, will lessen with time. You may need time alone. You may need others at times. Sometimes family, sometimes a friend. Don't hesitate to talk with clergy or --others that can help if needed.
We never "get over it". We learn to "live with it". I understand.
Thank you for your kind words. It was an honor to have been with him for 30 years, and to care for him through this. Yes, it does feel like physical pain, sometimes it is physical pain. I appreciate your understanding, the difference between "getting over it" and "living with it." I'm appreciating community at this time as well.
There's so much that we don't know about death and whether the spirit lives on. My dad used to say who would of thought that we could get a weather report from across the world by looking at a hunk of metal and plastic sitting on our desk. Maybe God can track every sparrow. There's so much we have left to learn. Music seems to be such a strong way to connect across time. So glad you could share that love at the end.
Music, singing and holding hands ... what a wonderful farewell! There are no words that I can say to help you through this. Hopefully, knowing that we are all going through this together will bring you some solace. May your wonderful memories warm your heart forever.
Thank you for your kindness --- yes, knowing that you and the others are here as a community is a gift and a help. Yes, there are wonderful memories. I hope for the best for you as well.
I'm so sad you lost your beautiful husband to this awful disease. In such a short amount of time, you intensely fought for the best possible treatment. Please know peace in the days ahead and that he will come back to you whole and well in your memories.
So very sorry to hear of Barry's passing. You were an amazing, supportive wife and did all you could for him. And now, even in losing him, you wrote beautifully of him. You have no regrets.... I wish you continued strength, energy and health and that you may continue to heal with the love of your caring family and friends, and all of us here.
Thank you so much for your kind words. He was such a wonderful man, it was an honor to care for him. Thank you so much for your caring --- family and community have meant so much to me, and you are so appreciated for being here. I hope for the best for you too.
Hello Barry.... How is it up there? Wings? Angels? Harp? You are enjoying your pain free being with no more cares or anxiety..I know you miss your dear loving wife Barabara as much as she misses you. And your wonderful children that you brought into the world are your lovely legacy that you left with us. Barbara is an inspiration to all the caregivers here and I know that she sends her deep love to you forever. As a note from me, it's sad that no one ever mentioned your kind face.... Rest....Brother......
I feel deeply sad about the loss of such an adorable husband. My condolences to your family who did their best to keep him happy when he departed from this world. He will rest in eternal peace leaving eternal memories for his loved ones.
Thank you so much for your kind words! He was indeed adorable in addition to his other wonderful qualities -- I'm glad you mentioned that. I miss him and treasure many happy memories.
Barbara, I’m saddened by the news of your husband Barry’s passing. The photo seems to show a man who exudes charm, wisdom, and affability. The world is in short supply of men like that and now their number is even less. I pray that you are comforted in your grief by those close to you. God bless!
Thank you for your kind and caring words. He was indeed a wonderful and affable man, and he gave many gifts that can be treasured by me and also by others who have been around him. It is true that the world needs men with many of his qualities -- thank you for saying what you said. I hope for the best for you as well as you face what you must.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, there is emptiness, and yes I have so many wonderful memories. I hope for the best for you too in the midst of all of this,.
I’m sorry for your loss but grateful that he had someone like yourself to love him when he needed it most. It’s difficult losing a spouse, and a job (as your world has revolved around his illness for so long). Remember the positives - and that you may see him again one day. Time to focus on yourself - it’s not selfish, and honor him by living well for the time that you have on this earth. With much respect, Dr Joel Silverman
Thank you for your very kind and insightful words. He was a wonderful man, and it was an honor to care for him when he needed me. There was so much love, and I have so many memories and gifts he gave me that can be treasured; he also gave many gifts to others, having been so kind. And yes, I appreciate the affirmation to take care of myself as well, in the process of honoring him. I hope to benefit others as well.
HUGS, Barbara! I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. I'm a little slow in responding, but I hope it will come at a time when you need to hear it. Sometimes, it is even harder after the initial rush of help and love is past. Sending healing thoughts your way. Peace to you and your family <3
Thank you, Sunlight. You're right about this being a good time to hear this -- your response doesn't feel slow to me --- your words of caring are appreciated now. This, needless say, is long term, rather than "quick fix." I took a break from MaleCare and therefore am late in replying to you as well, having just seen this. Thanks so much. Hugs back to you, and I hope for the best for you as you go through this.
I took a break from MaleCare too when we first lost my Dad - it's so hard in that initial stage. I check back periodically now - it feels good to think there are still some ways to help others with their journey. It is is like one last thing we can do for those we have lost.
Thinking of you and sending you prayers and good thoughts!
Thank you again. I agree that bringing caring forward makes a difference. Even now, I'm looking at things I can do to ease others' journey, whether for PC or for other situations of need. My daughter Nadine is a leukemia survivor; she was diagnosed with it at 17 and finished treatment at 19, after which she started college. The daughter of the mom who founded our teen cancer support group asked her mother to take what she'd learned and do something to make it better. After her daughter died, the mom started an amazing network that has a made a difference to many teens with cancer, and their parents too, including my daughter and me. I still am part of that network. I know we can do things, no matter how small they may look, to help others along the journey, and in the process it can help us too. Much love to you.
When we hear of a fellow warrior passing a piece of our heart goes with him. This will be with him forever. Our tears are for those who loved and cared for him. They do include some joy; that Barry had you and others to hold his hand during this journey. You gave him the best gift at a time of great need. Blessings and peace to you as you walk your own path on this Earth.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for your caring. It means a lot. . Yes, I too feel sadness for others who walk this path. There are so many loving gifts I received from Barry that I treasure, and he also gave so many gifts to others through his kindnesses. Thank you for your support for me as I go onward.
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