To get to it, my PSA recently jumped back up about 60%. It’s now over 1600 after lowering to around 1000. . I’m just learning to manage radiation side effects - to the extent I can - and trying to move back into some “normal” or at least semi-stable state.
Then last night my partner admitted that she can’t go on. That our 3-year relationship has not been strong enough for her to take this journey with me. I was diagnosed with S4 Mets pc nearly 18 months ago so about half our relationship.
She’s not wrong. But I am more sad than I can remember ever being. I don’t even judge her I felt it coming. But she downloaded some really personal experirnces onto my grown daughter before she exited. That hurt.
I’ll get used to not having a partner I suppose. But right now Im just crushed. Not looking for pity I’ll eventually heal from this. Just maybe a kind word or two. I need that today.
Cheers
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Arel8
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Arel your situation touched my heart. If you like pop songs, ELO's "Hold on tight to your dreams" is fun and even uplifting Don't ask me how many times I've played it 😂. Maybe you'll enjoy it too.
Wow haven’t heard that since forever. Thanks! It’s actually very uplifting.
Ok I only know one reasonably funny joke.
A farmer had 3 daughters, and all of them had a date on a Friday in early summer.
So the farmer was waiting on his porch, for the three young men to arrive, oiling his gun.
The first guy jumps on the porch and says
“Hi my name is Joe! im here to take your daughter Floe to the show! Is she ready to go?”
The farmer looks the young man up and down, and says “Hi Joe! Yes my daughter Floe is ready for you to take her to the show.”
and off they went
A few minutes later the second young man walks up onto the porch and says, “Hi my name is Eddie! Im here to take your daughter Betty out for spaghetti! Is she ready?”
The farmer looks the young man up and down, and says “Hi Eddie! Yes my daughter Betty is really looking forward to the spaghetti. She is ready.”
and off they went
The third young man jumps up on the porch and says “ Hi my name is CHUCK!
I'm sorry to hear this. Hang in there. We all go through rough times. And the clouds always clear. Sounds like you know this.
And you need to be strong for your daughter. Show her that no matter what life throws at us we do our best. That may or may not be great all the time, but it is our best. We don't give up.
I have a son in grade school. I've told him that I might not survive this but that I am not going to let it beat me down.
That’s a wonderful gift of resilience that you’ve given your son. Had a talk with my youngest this evening… she fractured her femur the very first day of Covid lockdown and stayed with me 6 months recuperating. She went through a lot of pain and anguish just to be able to walk right again. I had to learn physical therapy on hospital zooms.
She told me she’d never forget that and that she’d be honored to be “my person” on this journey. Dude, I cried. I’ve never felt so loved and appreciated. The clouds do lift I suppose and I thank you and everyone here for the collective power we generate for each other - whether patient or “partner”.
Hi Arel8, It is quite natural to be feeling down after a breakup with or without cancer, just remember that feeling will pass. The important thing is not to allow that feeling (s) to overtake your life, give it some time to heal. There was another poster on here recently in a similar situation but his relationship ended after many years...his comment on the breakup was... "truly a blessing in disguise" LOL . Of course that response might not be how you feel, but it really could turn out that way...hopefully. Best Wishes
That sucks. It's the kind of thing we discuss in our support groups. Are there any near where you live? Maybe talk to a psychotherapist - I did, and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Brother, I've experienced similar... albeit not with the cancer. I got married when I was 27 and shortly after, our wood stove in our new log home exploded. Gratefully she was not injured but the house burned down and my efforts to fight the blaze put me in the Westchester burn unit for 6 weeks ... My total recovery time was 11 months, during which time my wife ran off with my best friend who was the manager of the business I owned at the time...
How you describe how you're feeling brings back that complete empty feeling of shock and apathy, just not even wanting to go on... I considered suicide but an inner strength within me took hold and I searched for help and entered a group therapy... That grief counseling group pulled me through. We met every Wednesday night and I looked forward to it like it was a pain drug... an emotional pain drug...
Since then I've experienced more personal betrayals from girlfriends as well as guy friends... My 80 yr old momma (at the time) told me "son, be strong and know there's a purpose for all you've been through, and remember, when God closes a door, he'll always open a window for you, but you must look for that window"
I began looking for open windows with each tragic event in my life thereafter and eventually went on to meet my current wife, now of 14 years ... I told her for about the millionth time tonight that she's the best thing that's ever come down the pike for me...
I know I don't have much more time with her and she knows that too. That in itself is my latest tragedy in which I'm again looking for another open window because my momma convinced me decades ago that God has a plan for each and every one of us... We just need to seek out that open window when that door slams shut on us...
Your grown daughters may be the most valuable gift you've ever received in life... Draw closer to them and I think in time you just might see that your partner walking out on you, just when you needed her most, was another gift...
From my experience, when something bad happens, that's generally not the thing that floors you. It's a series of things that eventually lead to the straw that breaks the camels back. The feeling of being overwhealmed literally drains your resolve.
What I do, is make a schedule to watch funny programs and listen to people like Bill Burr, then stick to it as much as possible. Try watching the Ted movies without laughing. I find that impossible. Get all the negative thoughts and feelings out of your head and replace them with happier ones.
I also find that although there's a lot to be depressed about, especially with social media, but a couple of clicks reminds me that there's a lot of people in worse situations than me. I'm just gratefull that a lot of the issues that I have are changeable by me.
You've just got to hang on in there. The situation will improve with time.
When I was struggling a counsellor told me to look for and focus on the nice things, no matter how small. I really couldn’t accept that appreciating my favourite sandwich or a five minute break in the sunshine could override my distress. But it turns out if you practice it enough you can actually change your thinking. Instead of thinking, ‘I only managed to watch the television today’, try thinking ‘I really enjoyed watching that movie, they’re my favourite actor’.
It sounds ridiculous and too trivial to change your life, but I have been shocked at how much of a difference it has made.
Keep finding all the nice things, they are still out there, it’s just how you look at them!
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