I enjoy reading the posts on this forum, and occasionally posting on them and seeing responses. After seeing a rather dismal post, I began to think of the psychology of having cancer. I have to say that I have gone through negative and positive spirals of phases of psychology. Also other peoples' posts on this forum can be seen going from worry, devastation, and depression to, occasional newfound hope. Just having a place to post our thoughts is a very good and useful thing, psychological therapy if you will. I've seen others who succumbed to the horrors of cancer, ultimately yielding to the power it exerts on our being. People fight it bravely and sometimes they don't. It's sometimes a lonely thing. Our friends and relatives don't always care to be involved in the fight.
"Our friends and relatives don't always care to be involved in the fight" your words might be the answer to a deep source of negativity I have long felt. That through our struggles, cancer, a disabled child who cannot walk or talk, loss of jobs, now cirrhosis added on to my husbands long list of medical ailments, diabetes afib. no one has offered support but rather found faults and perhaps their excuse to walk away from our fight.
This may be the saddest reply to a post ever. (On a cancer forum that’s saying a lot.). I cannot imagine going through your challenges without friends and family.
Your post says it all. Eventually only a select few will actually stick with you through this journey. I cherish those few and am so grateful for their support and love through the years. Many people will say to "let them know if they can do anything"...the best people actually call regularly or show up at your door. They don't wait for you to ask for help. Nobody wants to be a burden, so we rarely will ask for anything.
I have been very lucky in getting support from friends and relatives. Many of them have had friends and relatives of theirs who have passed with cancer and they have already gone through the initial emotional issues for themselves.
However, I also have several close friends who will hear what you are saying and then not give any feedback or support. I believe it makes them uncomfortable. They do not know what to say even when they are very empathetic. Many will just hear your words and then never even acknowledge that you said them although you know they got the message.
I am personally at peace with the end of my life and my main concern is my QOL until then. That doesn't mean I am not going to fight like hell to find a therapy that will give me a longer life. I won't if it affects my QOL to what I believe is acceptable. I am fortunate to have friends who, even if they are not vocal with support, are understanding and are pained that I am going through this.
But overall I don't think most people are able to cope with seeing that happening to a friend or relative. I don't hold it against anyone that I know that is in that situation. I do have a problem with my perception of a lack of empathy, at least demonstrable, from my MO. I know they have had to lose most of their patients and have to put up some "walls" to keep this from destroying then and prevent them from giving the necessary care to their current patients. I have tremendous empathy for them but they should at least show some back.
Thank you for support!!! I heard a bit of a rumor that he's leaving....That's okay I get to drink his wine gifts when he's not there....... I'm ready for A.A......support group....
Yep, some are better than dealing with it than others. I find it helps to think of cancer as a state that your body is in, as opposed to some evil invader with some sinister intent on killing you. I think a lot of people are more fearful when they don’t understand something.
How you look at it, moulds your reactions towards it. Yes, it sucks, but there are worse things. I’d prefer to have it than any of my children any day of the week.
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