Please Help

[Myhubby58]

Myhubby58 has fallen for the third time.. by the grace of God he has not seriously been hurt..According to Doctors, I am trying my best to look at the big picture here..It’s obvious that Myhubby58 is getting weaker..The Hospice Nurse is even thinking that the cancer has spread to his brain..He is saying that his meds taste like dish detergent and he is upset that they changed his meds to methadone..He thinks that everyone has anterior motives to get rid of him.. I love him sooo much.. But am I bad for saying, I am sooo tired, mentally and emotionally and physically..Please Help.. I feel like I’m falling apart..

[Bebby1]

My heart aches for you . It does sound like it has metastasised to the brain.

Hopefully they will be able to give him anti anxiety medication, so he can have some peace and stay safe from falls

[Hidden]

Oh ! Can he use a walker ? I remember your first post .. I’m sorry that it has been one blow after another for you both. . You are human. Pushed to your limits for love. Rewards in heaven you shall receive. Your love for him is awesome. Giving all for another is selfless. I bet that his meds do taste like detergent. Yuk. Poor guy. Everyone here can relate to his status . An incurable disease . We all have it to different degrees. Your love are the wings that carry him . Love is eternal . Pain and suffering are not . Thank God for Mercy! Stay strong and keep the faith. Scott 😩

[Myhubby58 in reply to Hidden]

Thank You so much..God Bless and Yes he has a walker.. he just started to use it after his las fall on Saturday..

[Hidden in reply to Myhubby58]

The walker is needed . Getting up and out of bed is a risk .. I once passed out and fell on the floor in front of my wife . She thought me dead . I’ll never forget the look on here face of fear . We are sorry to put our wife’s through such worry.. 🙏❤️

[Hidden]

Please don’t carry the world on your shoulders. You are doing everything right that you can . 🙏❤️❤️

[Myhubby58]

Thank You, I hope so too..

[Hidden in reply to Myhubby58]

I know so . Love is never wrong . God bless you both . 🙏❤️

[Hidden in reply to Myhubby58]

Important to get some sleep.. you have all us pulling for mercy!🙏❤️

[Hidden in reply to Myhubby58]

🙏❤️

[noirhole]

My best wishes to you both. I believe that the burden of much of this disease falls on spouses, partners,and loved ones. I know my wife is stressed out and doesn't sleep as well as she used to. For me it is difficult and annoying but she caries most of the burden. I love her dearly and wish we both could have been spared this pain and stress. Good wishes to you...find the joy between both of you everyday, maybe listen to a favorite song, or watch a favorite movie, and discuss a trip that was joyful. Beat wishes .

[Myhubby58 in reply to noirhole]

Thank You,God Bless

[greatjohn]

So sorry for your hardship and the journey you are on.gJohn

[Magnus1964]

Even caregivers need a break. Take care of yourself. You need to be strong too.

[Hidden in reply to Magnus1964]

Especially they do .. salute to the caretakers ! 👏

[2dee]

You BOTH need to care for each other.The best you can is ALL you can do.

QOL means for BOTH. I want my wife to feel relief for me and not remorse.

I'm falling a lot. Thinking all the time how best to make it a crumble and not a timber. Many many small decisions during each day.

Exercise all possible to retain at least a minimum of strength.

Enjoy any time left...

2Dee

[dmt1121]

You are not bad. You are one of our angels that watches over us and at some point there is little you can do, other than make him comfortable. That means that you have him in hospice and if you can afford it, get more help from care takers. You need to recharge yourself. You need to regain yourself. You need time away from taking care of your husband.

You obviously love him and he loves you but he is leaving his mind and may soon leave his body. There is no guilt for you or shame in stepping away to regain your balance. There is no way I would want my wife being with me when I am like that. I wouldn't want to put her through that and he doesn't want to put you through it either.

Find a way to get regular time off. You might try to use whatever time you have to take some deep slow breaths, go on a hike in a beautiful place and doing a guided meditation. Here is a link for a meditation I really like and my wife does too, entitled: "Be the Mountain" If it doesn't work, just google it. youtube.com/watch?v=LOT0nci...(Not working as expected?) It works best with Bluetooth headphones and your cell phone.

Take a step back and see the bigger picture, then it will become easier to stay grounded. I wish you calm, vision and centeredness.

Good luck.

[Wongle1]

I have been in your shoes and it is horrendous, terrifying, but most of all mentally ,physically and most of all emotionally draining I felt like you that I just couldn’t carry in my husband was in pain confused and couldn’t walk sleep eat properly I laid on a couch in the room next to his hospital bed for 6 months holding his hand most nights whilst he tried to sleep, BUT I found the strength and love to be there even though on the outside he wasn’t my boo my Steve but I knew he was in there somewhere and needed me to be strong for the both of us and family.

I would not wish them last six months on my worst enemy but every mans prostate cancer is his own so the path will be different this is just mine and my boos I’m here if u want to talk but I just say it as it is no soft sheets to cover the rough mattress like I said the journey I had to go was mine and mine alone xx

[Hidden in reply to Wongle1]

😩

[blueseas45]

Praying for you and your husband.

[Lettuce231]

Bless your heart, no way are you bad for saying how you feel, you're human after all, the weight of emotions that you are carrying is enormous.

" the hospice nurse is even thinking that the cancer has spread to his brain " with respect, without any conclusive evidence, that's an opinion which perhaps would have been better left unsaid for the moment. That doesn't help you in the least.

I guess that your husband is very frustrated at the way he is seeing his once strong fit body not responding as it used too, his emotions are perfectly understandable. It's an awful place for him to be in.

Having said that, it's an awful place for you to be in also, watching your man go through so much.

Don't be angry or ashamed with yourself about how you sometimes feel, you are giving all that you can, your love for him shines through.

Our love to you.

[Walkingwell]

You are not bad. You are normal and honest and brave. Please look after yourself, too. If you could see yourself objectively, I am sure you would view yourself with kindness.

[kenner]

You sound like you need some time to heal yourself too. I hope that you can get a day off from this. Find a good masseuse, they are great to help get rid of tension. God Bless you.

[Quick2019]

I have been where you are at. I lost my 1st wife to cancer in 2015. Mesothelioma w/Mets to brain. Your love will help you through this. You do need to take some time for yourself when you can. Don’t lose track of your own mental and physical health. You can’t take the best care of your loved one if you are not well.

Do not feel guilty about your feelings. Be honest with yourself and get help when you need it. You are on a hard road and my prayers go with you.

[lincolnj8]

Sending prayers that things will change for the better.

[Masirah]

I am really sorry to hear this awful news. I was diagnosed with PCa in November 2020, when I was aged 69. Now aged 70, I decided to stay away from conventional treatments and the medication they so frequently prescribe. I am no expert by any means, but could your husband's unfortunate condition be resultant of side effects of medication, which are often said to make people weaker.? Why do I ask this? Because they cause a hormone imbalance. They kept telling me my cancer was driven by Testosterone. Really? I am 70 and I'd have thought my Testosterone levels would have been in decline since I was in my late 40s. This tampering with our hormones is likely to make matters worse, especially when it comes to causing weakness and falling over. I imagine, there will be those who will endeavour to negate my theory, but surely you need to get all sides of the story. Read Chris Woollams' book on Estrogen - that's the real killer. Also look at the books, "The Great Prostate Hoax" by Richard Albin, and 'Over Diagnosed' by H. Gilbert Welch. Both authors are medical professionals and reveal a lot that is wrong in dealing with prostate problems. Finally, whatever the truth is, I do hope that they can turn things around re your husband's condition. (By the way, Richard Albin was the doctor who discovered the prostate specific antigen and he says it's used inappropriately). Right, I'll now retire to my bunker and await the incoming fire, as people try and rubbish my views. "Take cover !!! "

[larry_dammit]

Hang in there warrior, it’s so awful to watch someone you love that can no longer think because of the meds. Just hold him and love him as you can 😢🙏🙏🙏

[dadzone43]

Nothing wrong with getting some respite care. Hospice offers this as do several social agencies. His unusual and changed behaviors suggest that an MRI of his brain is in order. You need a break and will be better for him after you get a break.

[Yadifan]

My heart breaks for you both. Prayers for strength and comfort.

[CG67]

Taking care of my husband in his last days was harder than anything I've ever done. Hospice was very helpful. In addition to pain killers, they gave him anti-anxiety medication. It made him much calmer and more comfortable.

Have you told the hospice staff about your husband's paranoia? If the nurse isn't paying attention, try talking instead to the hospice social worker and the hospice chaplain. They might be able to help.

Another possibility is to talk to your pastor, if you have one.

Do you have friends or family who can give you a break or at least keep you company? This is the time to ask for their help.

[Nous]

hi Myhubby58 ... i'm sorry for what you are living through ... i'm sending you lots of hugs ... your hubby is really blest to have you as his wife ... maybe consider looking-at this site ... envita.com ... best wishes ... Nous

[Cooolone]

Questioning yourself because you are tired, exhausted and completely helpless in the fight is something that should not make you believe you're BAD in any way at all. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, you have been living enough for two! It's natural to feel that stress at some point. It's ok to feel as if you cannot do any more. You're not a movie character, you're real. You have needs too and in all probability, I would assume have neglected them for some time. And that is going to lead you to where you are. The constant bombardment of all these signals, the thoughts, the sights, the feelings, hearing him, seeing him, talking to him, his other caregivers and more is all monumental!!!

Climbing mount Everest is pale in comparison in my opinion...

God bless you and your hubby! I hope you may find relief and comfort in the love you both share and have for each other.

[Boywonder56]

There is a blog on here for caregivers monitored ny a sirvivors wife...ta can give link...

[kick-prostate-cancer]

I am also the wife of a man with metastatic prostate cancer. He also has a disease called PSP. He falls constantly ... even though we have walkers and a wheelchair. The best you can do is show him how much you love him, and that you will be by his side throughout this time. My guess is that he is scared, but afraid to show you. Don't feel that you have to be strong every minute of every day. You need to take care of yourself, so that you can be there for him. Believe me ... I know exactly what you are going through. Reach out at any time for support.

[Hidden in reply to kick-prostate-cancer]

❤️🙏

[Robrobaroo]

Just went through this with my darling husband. Good bless you. There is lots of support on this site. So thankful. I’m praying for everyone.

[Collarpurple]

I wish I was able to give a hug ❤️ You are exhausted in every way, do not feel guiltOh my gosh your husband it’s at the end of his journey and all the emotions you have to take with you. I truly hope you have family or close friends to help you

[Myhubby58]

Thanks for the info Masirah, God Bless

[B8ssist]

I was a hospice nurse for a few years. Everything you describe is typical for the primary caregiver to be feeling. Has your hospice company giving you any respite? Sometimes we would have our patients placed into an institution for approximately a week so that the primary caregiver could do what they need to do to re-cover. Sometimes I was taking a short vacation, sometimes I was just staying home and sleeping and not having to worry about somebody else. I will be praying for you. It is not easy caring for a loved one as you are having to do.