We are on hospice now. Every day takes another thing away. Mobility was Tuesday. Eating apparently went today.
My husband was diagnosed end of March, 2019. Things have continued to march on, despite promises of years. I guess someone has to bring down the average. We sought out the best doctor in the world and it didn't make any difference at all. Some things are out of our control, and it's a tough lesson to choke down.
He is zoned out on Ativan next to me, but he will be up and anxious at 4 am. I'm so tired. I wish the universe didn't work this way.
Hug your loved ones. Hug them really hard. Hang on to this Christmas or Hanukkah like it will pass in a blink.
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CantChoose
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One of the reasons I write novels is so I can create a more just Universe. I really don't like how God runs things sometimes. I hope you get some sleep.
I can just feel how drain you are and all I can sayIs my heart breaks for youAs I said before we started this crappy trip of hell around the same time so I felt a connection . ♥️ I not sure what to pray for because I am so angry but I will pray
You have been a great life partner to him . I have been watching your struggles.. ups and down for last 18 months. Why the World is like the way it is ? Only God knows. Our minds are not developed enough to solve this mystery. People say ..this shall pass too. And it does.We have to detach from worldly attachments otherwise living becomes very painful. We came alone and we will go alone...he/she is a fellow traveler. Even knowing all this...still saying GoodBye is so difficult. Wish you peace and strength...
I am so sorry, CantChoose. You and your husband have had such a short time to process his awful diagnosis. Seconding your wish the universe didn't work this way either. I also wish suffering were evenly distributed so that no single person--and his partner--got as much as you and your man have endured from the start of this nightmare. I wish you both peace.
Thank you for taking the time to share an update. I've re-read some of your recent posts, and hospice is the right choice. You are doing all the right things: Loving your husband and trying to ease his suffering in the time you have left together.
Dang Cantchoose ... sorry to hear this, my heartfelt thoughts go out to you both. I’m also sending out a warm fuzzy hug to both you and your hubby ... he is so lucky to have a wife like you by his side. I hope your hubby can stay comfortable and stay home with you.
So sorry to hear of this turn of events, so much sooner than you might have originally imagined.
If needed, please do remember that many Hospice programs can offer some precious few hours of "Respite" care, where You can take a much needed break every now and then, and perhaps catch-up on some restorative rest and sleep yourself.
Sending love and compassion and arms wrapped around you hugs. It's just not right
My heart breaks for you and all of our wife’s and partners....There is a point at which we all deserve mercy and peace . I’m sorry that you’re both suffering so much . 🙏
May your anxiety be eased - not sure why life presents itself this way?! Years ago my brother was dying and someone told me I could only see the underside of his life tapestry- the ever after would reveal the beauty of the topside . That stuck with me and curiosity to see the flip side keeps me going thru tough times. Praying for you and your loved ones. Hope and love gently hold space for you both.
Its hard to see the gift of love you two have shared when time is limited and days are challenging. I know this is my destiny sooner than later. Try to savor all you have left, and treasure each moment. It will go by with a seemingly unfair speed. You are not alone.
I understand. My husband started hospice at the end of April and died May 23rd. It’s a rough part of the journey. Hugs thoughts and prayers... and peace and strength and grace headed your way
Dear Mrs. Luv2fish, I am very sorry to hear that your beloved fisherman died this past May. May he be in heaven and the fish are biting. You are a lovely wife who stood by him while he fought this terrible disease. It's nice to see that you are still part of us, because you are family. Keep well and I know that he always misses and thinks of you. God Bless...
As hard as it is to read your post it is a gift to all of us. Thank you. I wish you both peace and comfort, every one of us would hug you in person if we could.
I think you are in a sad time, and I went through this with a sister with ovarian cancer.The hospice gave her a morphine drip to kill the pain and discomfort as it got worse, and she could just press a button to increase the dose. The night after the day she said goodbye to all of us, she pressed that button a lot, so she died unconscious of heart failure, at 6am, alone. She didn't need anyone with her.
I might go the same way when things get right out of control. But docs did try well. I may have some radium 223 soon if docs say yes because blood numbers look OK after having 6 x Lu277 doses and they see the PsMa scans show new mets coming up that Lu177 is unlikely to ever zap.
Nature invented life, and its just so complex that it eventually starts to break apart.
I can feel my own end time coming, and I don't know know how my feelings may change, but today I am OK so I'll head out soon on a nice long bike ride. It spares me from the lurking fears, and lets me practice avoiding traffic as I take the risk to be out and about. There's usually no sign any life is in trouble, but I am sure there must be, and if I had to hold hands with a loved one passing, I'd just do it, if they wanted it, and make sure they were comfortable. But few can be comfortable about not being here next week or month. But if I was in severe discomfort, I'd want some means of escape...... Patrick Turner.
My prayers are with you at this most difficult time. You are strong and have been a wonderful support. You are a role model for me as my husband was diagnosed August 2019. Take care and virtual hugs to you both.
Just prayed for y’all. Just support him, and cherish the few moments you have left with him and thank the Lord that y’all were able to have the life you have together. It is too late for your husband now, because I am one of those who believe that aggressive treatment (chemo-hormonal) and RT (because invasive surgery is useless when it is already metastasized to other part of the body) to the prostate should have been done soon after diagnosis (for the others with similar metastatic outcome). I didn’t know your timeline of treatment/meds since dx’ed, but early assault wholesale when the body is still strong is the best way to attack PC.
I hesitate to post that with the concern that some people may feel that I am trying to sell a view on the world. I am not. Your post touched me and I am speaking from my heart.
In addition to being a member here and having prostate cancer I am also a near-death experiencer and leader of the Wisconsin Chapter of IANDS (International Association for Near Death Studies). This is not a religious group, but an advocacy group for folks who have had a near-death experience. Although the various stories from the IANDS group varies on the details, they all report that we continue beyond our physical bodies and are reunited with our loved ones where time and space are not a factor.
My personal experience taught me that our essence is pure and eternal. That our lives here are just temporary and that good does win out in the end.
I am sending you and your husband all the love I can muster and a witness report that there is something more beyond this difficult world.
My heart aches for you as I read your post. When my dad was in hospice I had a feeling of desperation. I would have done anything to save him. I felt completely helpless. It’s a horrible feeling and almost unbearable to watch someone suffer. I went on to become a hospice volunteer for many years. I believe we have been given a tool to help us through these painful times. It is called faith. We cannot see the big picture but someday we will. I pray for peace for you and your husband as he prepares to journey home.
I join the others in sharing your grief on how things turn out. I WISH for many things, but realize there are things that just can't be.
We don't live forever, it's not in the 'cards' - perhaps the takeaway from the various endgames is to recall the joys and the gifts that life has given us.
You can't just pass on the good times and the rewards that life has brought.
IF you had to 'give all the good and wonders back' for a chance to change the endgame, would you do it ?
I wouldn't, otherwise, how could you have found the joy in the family and the spouse and the accomplishments and so much more - and discard them so quickly.
It's not easy being in these situations of in 'sickness' and in health, but that is a key part of the human story.
I will surely pass and I can only hope that the suffering is minimal.
Just consider this - what if you didn't even get a chance to say goodbye - some never get that chance.
It's a small consolation, but it is something that I think about when I consider the alternatives.
Writing this wasn't easy - I feel chocked up when I realize what I have to gain and lose as well.
As 'spiritual beings', there is supposed to be a tomorrow - we have these messages delivered to us as often as we chose to plug into them. I also recognize that religion for some is evil and seen as fraudulent - to each his/her own - but we have been promised - if we listen and dare to believe.
I’m sending lots of love and prayers to both of you. You have been a wonderful wife and have been with him during this awful illness. My husband passed away in April and I know how hard it is. I personally took care of him when he was in hospice at home for two months and it gave me some peace during the most difficult moments. My faith and my kids gave me the strength during these difficult and painful times. I know he is enjoying eternal life and one day we’ll be together. God bless you!!
Is it too late to light candles in his room and play soft beautiful music for him? Make his departure as soothing, calm and peaceful as you can for both of you. If he had a dog or cat that gave him comfort, that he could feel next to him that is soothing as well. While the pain is unbearable; he needs you now more then ever to Shepard him through this end of life stage. Stay strong and courageous for him.
I am so sorry for what you are both going through and the tough road that got you here. As I have said many times, our spouses, caretakers, family and friends who hold our hand, help us to doctor's appointments, help us make medical decisions, help us get through every day and calm us with your presence; you are our angels. I am sure he is very grateful for you and while all of it , especially with everything else going on right now, is overwhelming and painful.
You are entitled to be sad, angry, exhausted and anything else you are feeling. We all feel the burden that we place upon those who love and care for us and it is hard to explain how difficult that is for us to not take care of ourselves and to slowly lose abilities and skills that we have had our entire lives.
Take breaks and refresh yourself, however and wherever you can. Take moments to consciously breath deeply and let out the stress a much as you can, regularly. Make sure you eat and drink plenty. You are doing one of the greatest things anyone can do for another human being. You are providing comfort as your husband passes. I did this with my mother and while it isn't the same, being there, talking to her to let her know "It was okay to go now.", was hard but I am so glad I could be there for her. many times someone who is dying needs their loved one to let them know, they will be okay and it is okay to go.
Death is something we do not talk about and barely acknowledge in western society, so it can feel isolating and negative when we are placed in this position. It sounds like you are handling it as well as anyone can. We should all have someone by our side as loving as you when we go! This is the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one for both of you.
Take care of yourself and let us know how you and your husband are doing. I wish you calm, strength, and energy. I wish your husband a calm and peaceful passing.
Thinking of you. Just so sorry that you were both robbed at such a young age. I hope your husband can ease into the deep sleep as gently as possible; and that you live gracefully, for many years.
I am sorry that you are in this position now. I guess it might happen to any of us. I was diagnosed in May. Stage 4. I hope for the best, but I try to remember that there are no guarantees. Peace to you.
My prayers and blessings to yo both. After 9 years it appears super cancer is marching on for me too. Darn it it I did not want it this way. I still trust in my God and His healing and pray for His plan. Broken neck, broken bones,. COVID, it all just seems to be playing the clock out.,Phooey on clocks!!
The biggest issue for me I if I have my wife left comfortable. Have I done my best? Our children are all adults So I do not worry about them as much. Have I left my caregiver, the love of my life, well cared for? I trust God will watch over her. We have church friends who will check on her. And care for her. I just pray I have done my best for her.
He's a youngster at 62/63. I don't know him but when I read about him I get melancholy. I think of all of a man's life, including mine and it makes me sad to see how fragile we are. Thinking about the good times when we were young and carefree and now fighting a terrible disease. Who would have thought about going through a survival mode at the twilight of our lives. Please give your husband my most sincere regards and to feel better.... Of course my regards to you too.....
Words cannot express my sadness at what you and your husband are going through. Stay strong and thank you for your post. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers🙏🏻
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